The Daily Warrior

My fall photo

Sunday Scribbling - Adventure

2009-11-01T10:32:00.000-08:00

In my forty eight years I have had many adventures that were fun and exiting like camping, fishing and traveling. But my life adventures are the ones that have shaped who I am today. Marriage, giving birth, divorce, being a single mom, death of loved ones and my journey with ALS are the adventures I treasure.

My life adventures have taught me about love, real friendship, priorities, appreciation of all life, acceptance of death and my own inner strength. I had no idea of what I was capable of until I was tested in ways I could never even have dreamed of. I now believe trials are a gift that push us to be better human beings and can inspire others to accept their own trials.

After beating the odds of an incurable disease I have realized that in a way technology has become a cure of sorts. The adventure of researching and networking my illness has given me a better quality of life. Learning how to use a computer that will bank my voice and type/talk with just my eyes. A lift chair recliner that gives me a gentle hand up. wheelchairs, shower stuff, bidets and eating utensils. The new Diaphragm Pacer that will expand your diaphragm for you so you might not need a ventilator. With new technology I will retain my ability to chose my life adventures.

I have lived to watch my baby give birth to her baby. Built a team to help others like me to live until a cure, got my first tattoo (heart of a warrior), won a gold in the Pan American trials for disabled sailing, I have a pool in my garage, created a dream home in the mountains, and I met and married a wonderful man (online) that was willing to join me on more adventures to come.

Zipline and disabled skiing are next but my future adventures are endless!

Tammy'Warriors raised almost $5000 this year and my Dave will be spotlighted in November for National Family Caregiver Month on the ALS website. :) Pictures of 2009 walk are below.

http://threewordwednesday.wordpress.com/

2009 ALS Walk of Hope!

2009-10-22T15:42:00.000-07:00

Tammy's Warrior's walked again for ALS. We are still receiving donations

which may help us reach our $5000 goal that will surpass last year. Thank you for the love and support of my friend's and family. This walk means so much to me that every year I get stressed and at times disappointed. It so hard to ask for money or to ask people to give up a Saturday. These are tough times but not as tough as living with ALS.

Dave was once again my rock and helped me focus on my goal of bringing awareness to ALS. Facebook was a great tool to educate many who still think it is "a disease a famous ballplayer once had." I donated my birthday via Facebook and re-kindled friendships from my 30th HS reunion and Jr high. Not to mention blog friends Jodi, Biene and Amber were there. Many donations from long distance too. The media could have made a huge difference and every news station simply flaked. Shame on them!

My high school gang joined us this year.

With clowns and face painting all the kids had a blast. It's good to see children learn compassion and empathy for others.

My grandson at 3 1/2 really gets it and had a fun day with gramy and grampy.

Walking WARRIORS!

There are pictures and names of our beloved fallen ALS soldiers written on and taped to our banner. The virtual warriors (donors) rode beside me etched in my heart.

Jr high gang also joined this year!

We walked for hope and for the many who are fighting to hang on. We walked to let everyone know that ALS is a killer that lives among us all. It slowly strips you bare and traps you inside a deteriorating cell, your own body. It then suffocates you until you die or live hooked to a machine.

THERE IS NO CURE!

3WW - Ambitious,Incredible, Ugly

2009-09-30T16:37:00.000-07:00

"It's not how you survived the storm, but how you danced in the rain."

Author unknown

As my grandson grasps the coming of fall, he will forever link it to me. This incredible little boy understands way beyond his years the ugly side of life. He sees my struggle as he rides on my lap in a sea of faces he may never know. Laughing and playing in the leaves.

He knows so little of Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) and yet he will reach out his three year old hand to help me. He will wear his "Tammy's Warriors" shirt with pride and get his face painted and tummy fed. Each fall he walks by my side to raise awareness of ALS. It is an ambitious task each year to educate for a cure but when I see his joy I keep on task.

Everyone he grows to know throughout the years will find out ALS is not just what a famous baseball player had. But that ALS steals your body until you can no longer move or speak on your own. It steals grandma kisses and hugs. He will share the technology that keeps coming along and one day we will dance, not walk, in celebration of a cure.

Everyone searches for their purpose and I have found mine. Average life expectancy is 3-5yrs with ALS and there is no cure, no remission. I have had it over 19 yrs, why me? Because I can tell you what it is and how it kills. If not for survivors raising awareness there will be no cure and many more will die silently. It can hit anyone at anytime wouldn't you want to know.

This is my grandson TK at last years Oct. walk.

Sunday Scribblings - "Cheese"

2009-09-26T14:07:00.000-07:00

In high school I was a spirited, outgoing and flirtatious girl. I was a cheerleader at 5' 1" with a rack and was given the dubious honour of "Class Flirt" my senior year. I still cringe at that label because I knew the boys probably had used a less flattering term. This was probably how I was remembered as our 30th reunion drew near. I had not attended a reunion since my 5yr because I was a big ole chicken. Not many knew what I had or what it did to me. My love story is what they wanted to hear.

It was the weekend before my 48th birthday. I was so excited that I was blessed with yet another year that I decided to go. I was still scared of walking in that room with a walker but I felt that I needed to go. We had decided to leave hubbys at home, stay at a nice hotel and make it a "girls" weekend.

The venue was at Arlen Ness' custom Harley motorcycle showroom. His daughter Sherri was in my little posse and she works there so he donated the space. Amazing Italian food and a live band made for a great casual get together.

Moreau Catholic High School's class of 1979.

I climbed up one step and said "cheese" so many times that by the end of the night my face said "no can do." There was not one look of pity that I saw but instead I was received by warmth and happiness that I was there. I should have brought Dave because people really wanted to meet the man in the love story.

The downside was I didn't want to be fed so I ate a burger before I left, I don't drink, I don't speak well over a band, I left my glasses at home so I didn't recognize anyone unless they came up to me. But there were a lot of hunched over squinting people looking at name tags, so I was not alone on that one. I did have straw for a water bottle but they were shaped like a flask with Arlen's logo. For late comers it looked like I was sucking up Vodka. Together with my speech slur and walker tucked out of the way, well you get the picture.

The lighting in that showroom made all the photos look grainy but these were my "click" that tore up Hawaii after graduation. I tried to keep up but at 3am my body won the battle with my brain. I missed out on I-Hop at 3:30am but my body still took 3 full days to recover. We took so many pictures to remember this night, that say "cheese" was still vibrating in my head to the beat of Journey as I drifted off to sleep.

Going to that reunion made my ALS walk and birthday even brighter.

Sunday Scribblings - Tattoo

2009-09-12T16:17:00.000-07:00

A year ago I decided to celebrate the gift of another year by stepping out of my comfort zone. Yes, you guessed it, a tattoo but not just any tattoo a special tattoo. Hubby was against the whole idea and my kids were in shock. I had given them such grief over their tattoo's that they didn't quite know what to make of it.

My brother, daughter, son in law and grandson joined me on my 47th birthday in Tahoe. I had asked my son in law to go with me to get my tattoo because he had so many. We had to bring my grandson with us because the other two were gambling. I wanted to put my tattoo in a place that was only visible to me and yet not hurt too bad with my muscle loss.

Kat was the artist and I had the vision. Together we created a symbol of my journey through life. The heart of a warrior that has lived with faith and Dave by my side. The design was all Kat and so were the colors. I decided to place it on my lower back which I later learned was called a tramp stamp. Dave loved that! lol

For two solid hours I bit my lower lip in pain as TK tried to comfort me. He kept saying "gamy's tattoo is an owie daddy." Oh yes it was indeed. I did it, I liked it and was proud to have it. When I got home I was nervous to see Dave's reaction. It was bigger than promised and he had no idea what I'd put on my body or where.

He actually liked it or at least the design of it. The size not so much but his name being added certainly helped. Now that I'm getting ready for my 48th I have all but forgotten it is there. Funny thing is the only one who sees it is Dave. lol

This year I donated my birthday to the ALS walk and will zipline in Tahoe.

Sunday Scribblings - "Key"

2009-09-06T12:06:00.001-07:00

I sat on the couch fidgeting with my clothes as butterflies were gathering in my gut. It's too hot out and this was a big date. Our feelings were growing too fast. I knew I should have stopped it by now but I selfishly allowed myself to be vulnerable. As his car pulled up I felt sick with anxiety and yet exited to see him. It all felt so right but could it be real?

He rented a raft to go down a calm river for this date. We had dinner and overnight reservations at the historic Jamestown Hotel afterwards. It was built in the 1800's and he booked the Sarah Burnhardt room. It was known for being pricey but I heard it was like stepping back in time.

Getting to that raft was a feat all on it's own but I showed no outward signs of distress. We ended up with a 6 man raft as the workers cast us off, slightly worried. I had to straddle and paddle up front and he took the rear. We hit every possible obstacle as a team and he even jumped over me protectively when hitting branches. It was a crazy adventure that neither of us had anticipated. With the temps rising to 102 degrees my body started to give me away.

He had to pull into the shade with worried haste, as I melted into a heap. He ran up the bank and sought help. As help and my knight lifted me into a cool van I was relieved but embarrassed. The gal driving asked how long we had been married. He replied "we're not married but dating." She looked back in the rear view mirror surprised saying "the way you were with her I'd swear you were married." "No" he replied smiling, while squeezing my hand.

The dinner and room was amazing. We had a beautiful romantic evening as we laughed about our adventure. The next morning I caught him writting in the room's visitor book. I asked "can I read it?" as he handed it to me hesitantly. He had written "we had a great stay in this room and someday I hope to return with Tammy as my wife."My heart was beating out of my chest as I replied "what?" I know, not a very romantic reply but I was in shock.

He put his hand out and said "here I have a special gift for you." He set a gold necklace in my hand and said "here is the key to my heart." It was a gold heart with a key, as I took it in my hand I knew everything was about to change and I was not afraid. Inside the tiny gold heart it says "He that holds this key has unlocked my heart."

P.S. That was over 6 years ago and we had met online. We were married on Valentine's Day at sunset on a beach in Kauai. I still wear the key to his heart around my neck. It's in this picture but too tiny to see.
http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/

Three Word Wednesday - Glare, luster, threat

2009-09-02T15:29:00.000-07:00

Walk the Talk

The leaves begin turning

lifted into a frenzy of

autumn's call

My stomach begins churning

nervous energy building

with autumn's call

The fundraising begins slowly

banner starts to glare

with autumns call

Recession is still a threat

stealing away dreams

in autumns call

The luster of my resolve dims

fears of rejection sways

with autumns call

Knowing the horrors of my cause

I must raise my torch higher

for autumn calls

http://threewordwednesday.wordpress.com/

I find it very uncomfortable to fund raise even though it's to help others and I have the disease. Autumn is calling and I must get rolling despite the recession. Tammy's Warriors will rise up again on October 17th. See side bar to join us, even if it's just to walk for a good cause.

Sunday Scribblings - Poetry

2009-08-29T13:04:00.000-07:00

I do not consider myself a poet but I do love poetry. This one of my favorite poems, poets and styles. Nature inspires her work and that is what inpires me. I thought I'd use her poem and answer her, in her style.

The Summer Day

by Mary Oliver

Who made the world?

Who made the swan, and the black bear?

Who made the grasshopper?

This grasshopper, I mean--

the one who has flung herself out of the grass,

the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,

who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down--

who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.

Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.

Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don't know exactly what a prayer is.

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down

into the grass, how to kneel in the grass,

how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,

which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

With your one wild and precious life?

My answer to Mary

by Tammy

God made the world

He made the forest, and the cedar tree.

He made the river.

The river, I watch

the one that flows through the forest with urgency,

the one that rushes over rocks without looking back.

Now it rests in shaded pools with rippled breath.

Now it's ripples join the spray, rushing away.

I know exactly what prayer is.

I do know how to find him, how to listen

for his voice, how to speak of my fears,

how to be still and trusting, how to find him in nature,

which is what I do each day.

I'll tell you, this is all I know to do.

Everything must die and too soon.

I'll tell you what I plan to do

with my one special life and blessings,

I'll live.

http://thaloanthe.deviantart.com/art/Table-is-set-75635533
http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/

Three Word Wednesday - Fracture, Noise,Vanish

2009-08-26T14:33:00.000-07:00

He remembered me as the grandmother who calls him TK. Because I am the only one who cannot call him Tuni, it just doesn't fit for me. Tuni Kitkawu is his first and middle Native American name meaning young blood. His daddy is a Mi-Wuk dancer with long black hair and TK is the blonde blue eyed version, of his daddy's culture.

I had not seen him for a few months when he had arrived at my door that day. Time is longer in toddler years but he ran to me hugging my torso. He saw the walker that he had grown up riding and then heard my voice yelling out "TK." He new that the grandma that he called on the phone, spoke funny and called him TK was me in the flesh. Last I had seen him he was a typical 3yr old with charm. This 3 1/2 yr old was very different.

The new TK was inquisitive and always asked why, no matter how many answers he received. He had better manners than his own parents and if they told him no he obeyed. He would ask for things in the third person like "Tuni likes juice" and we replied "would you like some?"Tuni came back with "yes, thank you." Watching him with his mom was so special for me because she was so affectionate with him. It made me see the cycle of robotic affection had been broken and it flourished in that family. I was so moved by just watching them.

There was a fracture in previous generations in my family that kept emotions inside. There were thank you hugs, goodbye hugs and visiting relative forced hugs. Jess and TK's love was much deeper and part of me still craves that. I knew I wanted more affection as a kid but never knew how to get it. Sadly, I tried hard to be more affectionate with my own kids but I would forget in the business of life. Happily I'm now a witness to such strong love that it brought tears just to watch. I told my daughter what an excellent job she had done in finding the balance of being affectionate and firm. He was a delightful child to be around and that was not what I expected.

I'm writing this particular visit in my journal because of one moment in time that I will never forget. It was early evening and the house was full of noise. Dave cooking, Jess was watching a movie and I was in my recliner just relaxing. When TK came up from behind me asking "watcha doin gramy?" "not much TK " I replied. He then crawled into the crook of my arm and body while looking into my eyes silently. In that moment TK was no longer there as I gazed into my mother's eyes. She took the back of her hand and gently caressed the side of my face. She spoke through TK' s eyes telling me she was sorry for my pain but that it will be okay. After an I love you she vanished as TK bent over to kiss me without a word. He squirmed off of my lap to see what grampy was cooking. 3yr olds don't do that with their hands or get that look.

My mom died suddenly of the benz, while scuba diving, at 44. What a special way to let me know she's watching and loving me still.

Sunday Scribblings - Adult

2009-08-23T15:04:00.000-07:00

Click if you want to read

When this article was printed in 1996 I was a single mom facing death. Preparing my girls to live without a mom was a horrible fact of life. I had little time and help to make how to videos because they needed survival skills that had not yet been taught, now. I made it my mission to give them a crash course on daily living. Many of the things I taught them they learned by doing because of my limitations. They could clean, make out checks, laundry, grocery shop, pump gas, banking and cooking all while entering puberty.

This was a scary, frustrating and hard time for all three of us. As the time kept passing and with me still living I added help. We had a yard guy, housekeeper and a very good neighbor to help take away some of their responsibilities and mine. In high school I bought our first home and the kids were allowed to be kids. We traveled with my 401K money and made it work.

I always said if these girls don't kill me, ALS doesn't stand a chance. Hormones flowed through our home like flood waters. I'm happy to say we all three survived ALS but not without collateral damage.

My girls both are adults now and one has a child. I see what growing up under the cloud of ALS has changed who they have become. They have anger toward me at the lost innocence of their childhood but I know it's anger at ALS. They are terrified of losing anyone they love and their own mortality. They want me close but I moved two hours away for us all. They are my caregivers when they visit but by choice. I think in a way they miss what we had. They are adults now and I'm beginning to see myself in them as they struggle through. Fragile but not living in a fantasy world. I think they will be okay. I'm sorry my babies but mamas sticking around. ;)

Fantasy Dinner Party for Sunday Scribblings

2009-08-15T16:15:00.000-07:00

The rules are:- you can invite anyone, living or dead- you have a table that seats eight, but as you are one, you can invite seven people- you have to explain why you'd invite them.

My first choice as a dinner guest would be Jesus. I would love to get a few answers, like is there more and if so what? Which religion is closest to the truth and did I chose to live this life? The real show stopper, is this hell? lol

What dinner party would be complete without an opposing view and fellow ALS sufferer, Stephen Hawking. The debate with Jesus over the universe would be mind blowing. I'd also like his secret of surviving 40 years with ALS. Jesus might have a say in that too.

Another interesting choice would be Abe Lincoln. I'd like some answers on how he would tackle the mess we have made in our country. What would Abe do?

I'd have to sit Colin Powell across from Abe to hear some innovative solutions that together they could come up with. Of course Jesus and Stephen would probably jump in at some point. They could not help themselves I'm sure. lol

Mother Teresa would definitely be there to keep things from getting heated. I'd like to ask her what kept her going and how she felt when it was coming to an end. What would she do differently knowing what she now knows to be true.

Mary Oliver would be there to read her beautiful poetry over dessert on the veranda. I'd ask her endless questions on her writing process.

Last on my list would be Brad Pit. Why? Just to look at as I take in all the interesting conversations. Kind of like a center piece that just sits quietly and smiles.

Bonus if you share your menu:

Seared sea scallops to start

Roasted lamb with potato fondant and grilled vegetables. Jesus...dah!

Creme' Brulee for dessert

Vacation to Victoria/WA Summer 2009

2009-07-22T14:15:00.000-07:00

Our vacation started smoothly from Sacramento Airport to Seattle. A wheelchair was waiting to whisk us right through to the front of the security line. First on the plane, bulkhead seats, first off the plane and wheeled right to a taxi headed for pier 69. We had 3 hours to have lunch and visit Pike's Market, on a rainy day in Seattle, before boarding our ferry. If disabled be very specific on asking for directions by the piers because a few blocks is 3 miles to a walker lady.

Too much to see in two short hours but I saw them throw the fish. It took a whole hour to get me there and grab a taxi back to pier 69. Beware if disabled because they sometimes miss and the crowd jumps back, unknowingly, into the walker lady. I don't have a reverse in me. It took a whole hour to get me there and grab a taxi back to pier 69. My spring trench coat was a good purchase for this trip due to light rain. It was an a line, pleated trench.

I loved the colors at the market. Too many people to navigate with a walker and lots of cobblestones. I got an unexpected workout.

Ready to board the Victoria Clipper with an extra hot latte. Our package included round trip, rental car in BC, 2 nights at the Inn at Laurel Point, 2 Buchart Garden passes and high tea at the Empress for $900. Great deal!

The Victoria Clipper treated me like a queen and was very considerate of my limitations. The tide was out and a brave soul took me in a wheelchair down the plank. It was a comfy ride and luckily I took my Dramamine. We did have a couple of rough areas. The restrooms at the airport and on the ship were family restrooms. It made everything easier with Dave being able to help since I was layered.

After we hit our port it was a short walk to a mini van to get to the rental car. We got a free upgrade due to shortage of budget cars. This was our only mistake. We left the bulky wheelchair at home and thought a car would be easier...NOT! Victoria is small, full of foot traffic, bikes, horse and carriages and shuttle buses. Dave threw a fit, we got lost numerous times and I kept gasping out loud while grabbing the dashboard. This is how I felt the minute I hit the room...safe! We got to our room at 8pm and still had to eat after a 1 1/2 hour flight, Pike's and a 2 1/2 hour ferry ride.

We loved our room but we could not dawdle due to hunger. The bathroom was huge with all mirrors, glass and marble. A death trap to the disabled with no where soft to fall. I needed a snorkel for that deep tub and always used my walker.

Now what 47 year old woman wants this kind of exposure. Good lord I've never seen so much of myself at various angles. I had even forgotten my tattoo until I saw it in those mirrors.

The bed was white goose down with a big flat screen TV. Heaven I tell ya! The view was a Japanese waterfall garden, a footpath, then harbour. Happy campers, yes we were. We ate dinner that night in the hotel. We ate things we had heard of on Top Chef, like potato fondant, and it was all fantastic. Dave would have liked seconds but he settled for the Creme Brulee. The Aura got four stars from us mountain folk.

My body tried to keep up but...

A sunset view from our room. That was one long day and the next day was The Butchart Gardens.

Our car was brand new and really fit in Victoria..

Dave was in awe of the gardens and said "I want to live here."
Thankfully they had wheelchairs.

Begonias and Fuchsias, oh my!

Climbing roses on arches followed a path.

Dave speechless over flowers, oh yeah!

More of just flowers on Facebook.

Our second day began with high tea at the Empress. The waiter brought me a black, cut in half straw very discretely for my tea. A delicious event!

The Empress was an amazing hotel with a lot to see. We took a picture of the Parliament building but I was too tired to go in. We went to the museum instead and saw a 6 story Imax screen theater on Africa. Hey, we could sit for that. We took a 5:30pm ferry back.

Seattle here we come!

Off to visit Dave's daughter Jolene, hubby Scott and our three grandsons. They picked us up from pier 69 and treated us to a late dinner at the Spaghetti Factory.

Back from the co-op farm is Dimitri, Ethan and Jolene. I took a day of rest and tried to learn how to use a laptop. Very hard to get used to. Mine is on a shipping delay. Dave got to have a day out with Jolene and the kids.

I took one full day to finally meet my blog buddy Robbin. We have become so much more over the phone. Through her winning battle with cancer, to her deep grief over the death of her son, we held on to each other from afar. We had so much fun in our ten hours together but we both needed more. I'm saving my Visa points to steal her away next summer to CA.

Big E turned eight while we were there and got to pick out his own birthday gift from us...Rollerblades! He had a group of kids join us for a bowling party to celebrate. That was day one of a 4 day migraine from heat, stress and exhaustion.

These four boys had so much fun! Squirt guns, playing in a kiddie pool, a walk to the play ground, Guitar Hero and basketball.

Me? I was trying to get kisses and hugs. Bribery ruled the day! What energy they have, wow. Their guest room is up two flights of stairs with a locked gate. The four year old watched Dave help me down and said "you did it all by yourself grandma" meaning w/o walker. Too cute! Notice my face? Migraines are the culprit because I went numb and bug eyed again.

The kids drove us back to the airport and everything went smoothly. We brought home a rose tea set from the gardens, seeds, tea, a tea cosy, a tea towel, 3 Christmas ornaments and a beautifully hand painted birdhouse the kids made.

I finally arrived home to my quiet sanctuary, bed and dog. I was beat but happy as I pushed through it all. The last two days I had that migraine plus two days after I got home. Too much? yes, but I'd do it all again, just not in one trip.

A Picture Blog of July 4 2009

2009-07-05T18:02:00.000-07:00

We actually participated in our first community event, a parade. We don't even have a stoplight so our expectations were low. Two other couples joined us and our dear blog buddy Annie was among them. Barb and Jeff had a grandson in the parade with his little league team. So off we went with our folding chairs under our arms. My walker was used as a wheelchair, walker and seat.

Fire being our biggest foe up here in the pines, it all started with new and old fire trucks. This huge horse and mountain cowboy was awesome.

Then there were the old cars and I liked this one because I'd never seen one like it.

Smokey the bear headed up the tractor brigade.

The garden club ladies had a floral float followed by the Veterans. They had old army trucks, jeeps and even had an old PT boat. There were clubs, church groups, a band and karate boy and girls, along with little league kids. Everyone in the parade threw candy. We were impressed.

This is our parade posse. From left, Barb, Annie, her hubby Don, me, Dave and Barb's hubby Jeff.

I heard the word cake walk on the way to our seats and yelled stop... CAKE! Dave, Barb and I walked. I won and these were my prize, a dozen cupcakes!

The wedgie walk was my secret weapon in winning. I had many wardrobe malfunctions that day. Notice my sexy shoulder peasant top look, well to enclose my gut, not to squeeze my 36 bust line, I had to get a medium. My bony shoulders are a small. I yanked it up all day but it made every picture.

Our queen is chosen from our elderly. Barb wants to be a Rose one day.

Starbucks strawberry cream delights were cool treats from Annie and Don. The weather was perfect! I wore big shades because I had been losing control of the left side of my face. I assumed it was ALS but my neurologist is thinking Bell's Palsey.

The cotton candy made the whole parade experience even better. I had kids staring because it wasn't a pretty site.

We ended this wonderful afternoon with a picnic in our garden.

This day was the 70th anniversary of Lou Gehrig's farewell speech from the Yankees. The MLB had every player wear a 4 ALS patch on the 4th. Each 1st base plate will be signed and auctioned off to help find a cure.

Next Sunday we are off to Victoria, BC and to see the grandkids, not to mention meeting my buddy Robbin for the 1st time.

Sunday Scribblings - "Toys"

2009-06-28T13:46:00.000-07:00

I just ordered my early birthday gift, a 4.3lb 14" laptop. This is not a need it's a total want. I have a desktop at the back of the house where it gets stuffy during the summer months. I also have a semi mobile computer in my den to help me when I can no longer type or talk. I'm currently banking my voice on it for when needed. It works by simply blinking my eye's. This new laptop is so I can sit in the garden, TV room or travel and not miss a beat.

Being disabled and living up in the mountains has given me a lot of time on my hands. From 10am to 6pm I am blogging, emailing or playing with my new passion, Facebook. I use my computer's for my journal, social/creative outlets, preparation for my illness and as toys. With my new toy I can do that anywhere. Technology has changed my quality of life and makes me feel less isolated. Here's to toys...cheers!

P.S. I promised Dave that I will cut my computer hours this summer for pool workouts. Some concessions must be made. ;)

Sunday Scribblings - "Vision"

2009-06-20T13:11:00.000-07:00

A Spring Vision

I know that spring remembers me,

she cradles me so gently,

spreading out her bright dress, her arms

reaching out to shade and delight.

I sit in silence, a tree by the creek,

nothing between me and the green moss rock

but the water, and it tumbles hard like rain,

downward, to rest into a calming pool.

I can hear her symphony beckoning

me to her side, the birds

and the water coming together in harmony

a concert to sooth my soul.

Each day I sit beside her, in gratitude,

of her serenity and rebirth. In that

moment I see her luminous light

and she fills me.

I have been neglecting my blog and my friends for over a month. In someways I feel like I have been unfaithful. I have fallen for the ease and fun of Facebook. Many of my blog friends are there too. I play open games of Scrabble with bloggers that can take two days or a week to complete. I can give short status updates (like Twitter) and I have been reunited with junior high and high school pals. I've even had a few over to the house. My ALS pals are there too. We all create virtual farms together or decorate apartments in Yoville. We simply play!

I wanted to figure out how to do both but it's summer and vacation is coming in July. I am determined to do both. I am well and my new computer is up and working. I'm still faster than it is so I'll be using my one finger until I can't. Spring was late this year so the pool is still too cold to workout. My face has lost a wee bit more muscle but I'm still smiling. Happy Spring!

One Single Impression - Tolerance

2009-05-18T16:29:00.000-07:00

(click to really see sunset glow)

Two Haiku on lessons of tolerance given by nature. This was a 30ft creek we built at our mountain home. Little did we know that we were the interlopers up here.

Creating nature

beckons the hungry creatures

bare stems bloom no more

Soothing waters flow

croaking interrupts slumber

build it they will come

http://korshio.deviantart.com/art/disconnected-109318234
http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/

Sunday Scribbling - "Disconnected"

2009-05-17T13:20:00.000-07:00

My Battlefield

My brain is in command

of the vessel that holds

my relentless soul

working as a front line to

defend and protect

against the attack of ALS.

Muscles come under fire

not receiving their orders

yet they keep on fighting

to survive day after day

while growing weaker

as others lay dying.

My brain was helpless

as it saw the disconnection

unable to stop progression

a new strategy of bringing in

the heart and soul

held the enemy at bay.

They will always choose to fight

because surrendering

is never an option.

3WW - Trajectory-nervous-bicker

2009-05-13T17:45:00.000-07:00

Vacations

are a luxury few can afford

but the hubster shan't be ignored

He decides our exotic destination

my job is trajectory formation

Buchart Gardens in Victoria, BC

ending at the Empress Hotel for tea

How to get me from airport to ferry

in a chair with a purse and suitcase to carry

Must get a passport card in a hurry

make all reservations so he won't worry

Can I make it without being seasick

I'm sure taking a some drug will do the trick

I picked a studio suite overlooking the harbour

but if he stresses at crowds it will feel like Pearl-Harbor

We may bicker and stress from point a to point b

but in the end we will see the grandsons, gratefully.

Shall I make him nervous with the final bill?

hell no, I want mementos and to eat at The Grill.

One Single Impression - What's It Like?

2009-05-11T18:40:00.000-07:00

What's It Like?

To awake fearless

living without remorse

unaware of worldly evils

no value of a dollar

wrapped in unconditional love

free to play, run and hide

every need anticipated

new adventures awaiting

every tear kissed away

time is irrelevant.

To be three again, like my grandson TK, looks really good to me. ;)

Sunday Scribbling - Healing

2009-05-09T17:47:00.000-07:00

I had thought I would take a few weeks away from blogging to learn how to use my new computer(types and talks with my eye's). I was surprised at how hard it was to learn in just a few short weeks. It was set up by a rep and she showed me how to bank my voice but I had nothing to refer back to. I could not remember every step so she emailed me a few notes. Neither worked so I asked if there was a navigation manual among the 10 manuals it came with. The answer was a suprising no. I don't give up easily so I tried the trial and error method thatt ended up being mostly errors. At one point I just walked away from it and felt defeated.

What I have kept from my blog friends was the fact that my one typing finger is failing me. Typing double letters in every other word and then editing was just making me dread posting. With posting comes commenting and it all just overwhelmed me. To add to my hurdle's spring was taking forever to arrive and lighten my load. It snowed in April and then rained for days on end. I was losing my determination, missing my blog friends and was still in my winter woollies. So how did I finally heal myself? I'm so glad you asked.

I went on Facebook and discovered many blog friends were there, old friends and new friends. I had my social network going but I had no creative outlet. I could not instant message but I found Farm Town. They gave me a virtual $1000 and a plot of land that I spend hours working on. It was creative procrastination at best but it took me out of my funk. Once I had this beautiful, huge and prosperous farm the sun came looking for me.

I called the rep to come back and she let the company know how displeased I was. I'm starting to use my weights, getting out of the house and planning a vacation. Our gardens are springing to life and I'm in a good place. Yes, I'm still editing but I'm warning you some comments will not get edited. I have decided you must use it or lose it and my mind has been my body's greatest ally.

* To get a bouquet of Tulips create three layers of Tulips and dirt. (Dave gave it a try with three clay pots, one is pictured)

Blogging Sabbatical

2009-04-17T11:50:00.001-07:00

My family dropped in for four days and it was wonderful to have them. I must admit it was also a bit overwhelming because it was a surprise (except for my brother). Dave had to work and get a root canal, lucky him. So he missed a lot of the fun. We had a beautiful sunny snow day with a gorgeous sunset. They were all thrilled to get a touch of mountain life in April.

My oldest daughter Michelle brought her hubby and their dogs Sammy and Max. Movies, Cash Cab, eating and Wii were all we did as the weather put on a show. You MUST watch Cash Cab on the discovery channel. It's a triva gameshow inside a cab in New York city, with unsuspecting passengers. I also had my computer rep out here for more training. Whew!

My daughter and I got to bond a bit, which we had not done in awhile. Her new job was put on hold AFTER she re-located. Hence the free time for a surprise visit. She job hunted online for a short term job and got a few hits on her visit here. My kid's don't have Internet access and that's how to find jobs in 2009. She felt comfortable in my home for the first time in five years. Her and Dave have a relationship now that works. They tease each other terribly and he steps aside to allow her to be a caregiver when she wants to. Not to mention she also has fallen for my cozy mountain retreat.

I sit here staring at my new computer and I'm intimidated to play with it. There is so much to learn to be able to blog, FB and voice bank. I need to just take some time to do it. So I am taking a blog sabbatical. I will not be commenting but I'll read my Bloglines every morning. I'll Twitter and FB update on my progress. I'm anxious to get outside on my computer and be able to do all my stuff. Wish me luck as I brave a new frontier.

Have a Wonderful Easter Weekend!

2009-04-11T12:29:00.000-07:00

It has finally snowed on the dogwoods,

the clouds are drifting away

the sky has become blue as the sea.

Welcome spring

as you touch the bare branches

with your sweet pink kisses.

The sun has begun beckoning

the tulips to unfurl,

still damp from winters last cry.

Every sacrifice

to winters call has been resurrected.

It is time for rejoicing!

Dave and I will be having a quiet Easter holiday in the mountains. Australia and Cadillac Records are here for movie night. I'll be adding "Tammy phrases" to my new eyegaze computer and Dave will be planting his Becks summer bulbs. We will indulge in Dove's chocolate bunnies, buttered popcorn and juicy rib eyes. Enjoy your weekend!

Thankful Thursday - Sacrifice

2009-04-09T13:31:00.000-07:00

I am grateful for the sacrifice Dave has made by choosing to marry me despite my prognosis. Having retirement stripped away by the housing market and having to get another job as a custodian. Sacrificing fishing and gardening to cook, do laundry and grocery shop on his weekends. Hustling me to doctor appointments in between everything else. That is sacrificial love.

I am grateful for the sacrifices of our armed forces, police forces, firemen, paramedics and border patrols. They sacrifice their lives to keep our country safe. That is sacrificial love.

I have chosen to go down a long and tough road with a full heart for my family and friends. I will never give up because God has remained by my side. His sacrifice is one I will never take for granted. He is my definition of sacrificial love.

HAVE A BEAUTIFUL EASTER

One Single Impression - Listening Haiku

2009-04-07T12:54:00.000-07:00

Tree branches thrashing

pitter pat across rooftop

squirrels having spring fling

Sunday Scribblings - Celebrate

2009-04-04T16:27:00.000-07:00

What am I celebrating in my life right now? That I am alive, pain free and in a very good place in my life. I feel an awakening deep inside of me that is exciting and full of possibilities.

I had what I thought was a follow up visit with my new Neurologist. What we discovered when we arrived was not just my doctor, but a whole team that will be dedicated to my care. Can you even imagin this, all in one clinic? UC Davis now has a new ALS clinic and I am a part of it

The ALS association was there and I was allowed to offer up ideas to make next year's ALS Walk bigger and better( media,media,media). I was able to offer myself in any capacity, as a face of ALS. They listened and I hope to play a part in raising awareness. I gave them my blog that shows Sarah's video, made in the UK (link to it is at the end of this post. I wanted them to see what a powerful campaign could look like. I will do whatever it takes to help.

The MDA was there to offer $2000 for a chair if I ever needed one and $500/yr for any repairs. That includes my new computer. Yes, it's here and I will start my training Wednesday. I will be able to blog, voice bank and speak, with just my eye's. It even comes with other voices you can speed up or slow down for that sexy twist. I'll use it on Dave "hey big boy wanna get me a drink sometime" in the sexiest of tones.

They had speech therapy, occupational therapy, hand therapy, psych, physical therapy and Orthotics. We had people in and out of our room for quite a bit. Then my doctor arrived and all I could say is WOW. I have a team that, every 6mos due to slow progression, will give me a better quality of life. That is amazing BUT not everyone with ALS can use this clinic. I plan on addressing that on my next visit. Health care should be for everyone.

This doctor has made all pain and discomfort disappear. I believe in drugs for side effects caused by ALS, but on my terms. Many do not want to take drugs and manage pain in their own way. I will only take drugs at night so I am not drowsy when awake. I'm migraine and muscle cramp free, I still am able to walk due to muscle relaxers at night and I sleep deeply. I'm drug sensitive so he goes slow and listens. I was even able to drop a drug because the new one takes care of multiple issues.

Skin cell research is joining in the race for a cure. Stem cell research has taken the lead but it's a good thing to have another option in the race. Skin cell research would use your own skin cells but the research is farther behind. The most important point here is that there is a race for a cure. Woot Woot! I am living in the present but seeing a brighter future ahead. That is something to celebrate in my book. Hey, if I ever wrote a book my story would get its happy ending after all. :)

Sarah's ALS campaign video: http://www.veoh.com/browse/videos/category/educational_and_howto/watch/v17908360hQ9esDsQ#
http://ambyleigh.deviantart.com/art/Celebrate-75611206
http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/

I Love Faces Friday

2009-04-03T19:37:00.000-07:00

Our grandson Ethan holding his little brother Warrick. He protects and loves his little brothers. :) I've had a hectic week but I'll be by your blogs this weekend. Happy Friday!

Thankful Thursday!

2009-04-02T15:00:00.000-07:00

I joined Thankful Thursday because it's a wonderful thing to focus on the gifts in each new day. I'm going to count my blessings every week on my blog. It will help me to remember all the wonderful things I have in my life and help me during the tough times. It's simply good for the soul.

* I'm grateful that my new computer mount finally arrived and that the rep will be here Wednesday.

*I'm grateful that I get to wake each morning to a smile and a "good morning."

*I'm grateful that I have a new ALS specialist that will give me hope and a better quality of life. ( I see him tomorrow)

*I'm grateful to Sarah for helping to bring awareness to ALS aka MND in my post below. See how they made it http://www.veoh.com/browse/videos/category/educational_and_howto/watch/v17908360hQ9esDsQ# 2
*I'm grateful that Dave's mom Ruth was healthy for her 85th birthday on Tuesday.

*I'm grateful we are making it in this economy and could afford taxes.

*I'm grateful that a chest cold quickly came and went this week under Dave's care.

*I'm grateful my friend Robbin took a leap of faith by re-locating and for being cancer free.

*I'm so very grateful for the love of a good man.

See other posts of gratitude here:
http://womentakingastand.blogspot.com/2009/04/thankful-thursdayhope.html

Sarah's Own ALS Campaign Video

2009-03-29T15:59:00.000-07:00

This was made by another ALS survivor, Sarah. She is the woman in the video. This is hard to watch but its power may help bring a cure. Thank you Sarah!

Sunday Scribblings - Aging

2009-03-28T13:21:00.000-07:00

Look a Little Closer

You will see grey hair

shining in the sun

wisdom earned though a

meaningful lifetime.

You will see a lined forehead

full of emotion

opening vertical blinds

letting me shine.

You will see crinkles at my eye's

accenting my face

quoting years of many

happy times?

You will see crevices in my smile

punctuating every word

a bright composition

of contentment.

Look a little closer at all the lines

that frame my face

a portrait of a good life

left unfinished.

http://rylanisthecoolest.deviantart.com/art/Unbreakable-95424247

I Love Faces Friday - "No Flash"

2009-03-27T17:18:00.000-07:00

This week it's my 3yr old grandbaby TK (Tuni Kitkawu). His eye's are blue and lashes long but my heart is drawn to the black and white. You can join in at http://iheartfaces.blogspot.com/

3WW - Earnest,layer,reactive

2009-03-25T14:58:00.000-07:00

Unbreakable

When people would ask me what my favorite season was I'd say spring, in earnest. Winter was cold and wet, summer was hot and inconvenient and fall was both. In the winter the bitter cold would seep into my muscles making me stiff as a corpse, afraid of falling. In the summer the heat would transform my body into a rag doll making everything an effort. Since moving to the mountains my body has changed my mind.

Winter is very cold and yet the trees are powdered with snow. It's as if I live in a snow globe called home and rarely venture out. The wood stove is always going and I happily hibernate in my cosy world. Summer and fall blend into one season as bright colors change to hues of gold and red. A kaleidoscope that beckons me out into the long cool days. Swimming, traveling and playing while strengthening my body. Refilling my energy for the winter ahead. The trees cover me throughout the days keeping me cool, with a pine scented breeze, and I am happy.

In spring I am like the daffodils covered by layer after layer of dirt and late snow. Weakened by my cosy hibernation I must fight my way to the sun. My body has been hibernating and is not as reactive as last fall. Spring is the start of my new year, where I must cautiously build back my strength. It brings hope and promise, along with some hard work, that makes every season my favorite. I will break through and thrive, for I am unbreakable.

http://threewordwednesday.wordpress.com/

Sunday Scribblings - "I come from..."

2009-03-21T16:06:00.000-07:00

I come from a place of tranquility that flows from one day into the next. I have come to learn patience beyond my comprehension. The hard edges of me have been smoothed over with empathy and compassion. I have come to let go of my fears, as God walks by my side, giving me his hand when I stumble. I am grateful to have come to a place in my life where I can trust and love again.

I have come to know that friends can become your family and you are not defined by your birth family. I have accepted that I did the best I knew how as a parent and my children are their own persons. I come from a place where boundaries are not selfish but necessary. Listening to that little voice, that I used to shove aside, is always the right answer. I come from a place where asking for help is not a weakness. It allows others to be blessed by giving.

I come from a place of contentment and gratefulness for the journey that brought me here to today.

http://onesingleimpression.blogspot.com/2009/03/prompt-55-farewells.html

I Love Faces Friday - "Green"

2009-03-19T16:05:00.000-07:00

I can see an average photograph and zoom in on a whole different shot. I crop, lighten, darken and saturate until I get my own shot. Being able to grab quick candid shots is nearly impossible for me. My arms don't lift and I shake when I try, from the ALS. I'm not into macro, like hubby so a tripod doesn't fit my needs. I love the faces of children, mainly my grandson's. They don't live close so I depend on their mommies to provide my canvases.

I joined the "I Love Faces" network. I can't join in their prompt contests because I didn't take the picture. Normally I'd say "so what" and enter anyway, but there is prize money involved. I do not feel an exception should be made here. I will just play along and visit other face fanatics like me. To view this sight check out my side bar.

This is my youngest grandson Warrick as Yoshi. TGIF

Monday Photo Shoot/ OSI - Winter's Farewell

2009-03-16T13:27:00.000-07:00

(Click to view details)

Farewell to Winter

Farewell to the white blanket

that covered my active mind in quiet

serenity

Farewell to the joy of Christmas

that sprinkled colors with loving family

sentiment

Farewell to another year gone by

that opened our eyes to power's greed and

hope

Farewell to the cosy wood stove

that wrapped me completely in its warming

peace

Farewell to the billowing storms

That made trees shimmy in rhythmic

delight

Farewell to the melting snow

that strewed diamonds on branches

glistening

http://ellipsissuddenlycarly.blogspot.com/2009/03/ellipsis-monday-photo-shoot-29-winter.html

Sunday Scribbling - "Dear Past Me, Dear Future Me"

2009-03-14T15:14:00.000-07:00

PAST

Dear Tammy,

I'm not here to tell you your future. I am here to give you advise from the only one you trust, you. Please be kinder to your mom because she really does know what she's talking about. Stay close to your brother because despite how he acts he needs you. Your grandparents will love you unconditionally so please do the same. They deserve your devotion. If you make a mistake please say you're sorry and always forgive, including yourself.

Please don't allow people into your life unless they bring you a nurturing and balanced relationship. There are many people that are takers and will use you. Be vigilant. Study and excel in school, you will need that education. Never forget you are worthy and have a purpose for being here. Don't buy into peer pressure for you will be lead astray, I promise you! Sex and drugs can be the death of you. Keep your body strong and healthy, you will need it. I will give you one taste of the future that will make it all worth it. You will have that great love you've always dreamed of.

FUTURE

Dear Tammy,

I hope this letter finds you cured of ALS and restored to normal function. Remember each day all of the people who have supported, comforted, contributed, loved and prayed for you. I know you will pay it forward in spades. I hope that you are showing Dave everyday how much he means to you. You do tend to forget but don't! He believed in you and a cure even when you had doubts. Remember if things get tough his love will carry you through. He signed up for this gig so no guilt! You are lucky to be here, so live like there is no tomorrow. Take your mistakes and lessons learned, to live with purpose and joy. Keep writing no matter what!

http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/

3WW - Cajole - Recluse - Temper

2009-03-11T15:24:00.000-07:00

When I was raising my girl's, as a single mom with ALS, I had to learn fast on my feet. Don't show them fear, don't make them do too much, continue life as if normal and deal with being stared at. I dealt with it all to the best of my ability for 13yrs. My oldest, Michelle, however has quite a temper and is very protective. If anyone stared or god forbid took a disable seat at the movies, she'd find a way to make everyone squirm. This started at about nine years old and continues at twenty five. I tried to explain why it happens and that it doesn't bother me but she never faltered. I saw it as curiosity and ignorance, but they were strangers. I did not look "disabled" back then, I was still somewhat attractive and I was young. Shoot, I'd stare too.

Fast forward 10yrs to happily married, looking disabled, more wrinkles and slowly becoming a recluse. I'm very happy in my world and cyberspace. So then why am I terrified to attend my 30yr high school reunion? My friends Lisa has tried to cajole me into going, yet understands. I have also re-connected with classmates on Facebook that maybe going. So what am I afraid of you ask, oh, you didn't ask, well I'll tell you anyway.

I was a cheerleader, a party girl and my senior year I made the yearbook as class flirt. Need I say more. These classmates are not, for the most part, strangers. If they all knew that I had ALS it would be easier, but most don't. Even if I wore a t-shirt that said "I'm not drunk I have ALS" many don't even know what ALS is. If they come by the table to say hi, walker tucked away, will they think I'm rude for not jumping up for a hug or just a drunken classmate too rude to mingle. People who know me now don't pity me so how will I deal with that flash across those faces. You know the look "is that Tammy? how sad."

Let's face facts, they all got older and we probably won't recognize each other anyway. I'm leaning towards going and enjoying my friends. I'll try and look fabulous and remember it's just curiosity. I could mingle wearing my cheerleader outfit holding a brewski. They won't ask what's wrong with me so I'll just act like I do this type of event regularly. If I go I'll go as me! If I don't go call me a big ole chicken!

http://fishcam.deviantart.com/art/Different-21245720
http://threewordwednesday.wordpress.com/

Ellipsis Monday Photo Shoot- Black & White

2009-03-09T17:03:00.000-07:00

We have four beautiful grandsons. TK (below) is my youngest daughter's son and he is 3. I am always touching, kissing or holding him. He loves it for now so I'm taking advantage of it. TK is so full of personality and charm. Black and white strips the world away for me and tells a story.
I'm always noticing hands in photographs, especially my own. They do not straighten any longer but instead curl around little hands. (A few haiku for emphasis.)

I can't get enough

you are intoxicating

I see who you are

A moment of joy

captured without distractions

heartfelt memory

A child's wonder

innocence changed forever

learning we can see

These are Dave's daughters sons. Ethan is 7, Dimitri is 4 and Warrick is 14mos. The black and white shows me so much more about them on that day. Mom needed a Christmas card photo and with some cajoling got this shot. I made it black and white because I see the protective brother, the shy one and the wiggle worm. Grandkids are my favorite subjects for B & W. I'm also not as scary without make up. :)

See other B&W entries all week at http://ellipsissuddenlycarly.blogspot.com/

Hope Springs Eternal

2009-03-05T12:05:00.000-08:00

( Click to get a good look at our fruit orchard)

The clouds rolled in over the weekend and showered us with thunder, downpours and hail. One night we awoke to our last big snow. Dave's gardening thumb is itchy and getting greener everyday. Since weather and power outages have hampered my computer usage, my blog clubs had to wait. I've been rescuing dogs, feeding the hungry, saving the rain forest and tending to my farm instead. Wow you say? I've been on Facebook in between downpours. lol I do this all with bloggers, high school buds and Facebookers.

This morning brought blue skies and signs of spring. My new eye gaze computer has SHIPPED and I guess I will need to go get a router. I will also be getting to see my daughter's and grandson, TK, on Sunday. I have not showered him with kisses since November! My oldest, Michelle, will be moving farther away due to a new job offer. The visit will be bittersweet. Dave, he gets to be the landlord and fix all the winter damage at our other house, where TK lives with his parents. I just have to visit, be the gramy and photographer.

My Hormone test came back "normal" with a low calcium number. I said to the doctor that normal people don't get night sweats (2yrs now). She said hormones fluctuate and she will re-test in May. At the time I was frustrated, until she mentioned that my new medication may eliminate many of my peri-menopausal symptoms. Really?

Amitriptolene was given to me for migraine prevention, bladder weakness, drooling and the laugh/cry too hard thing that all come with ALS. 10mg for 2wks, 20mg for 2wks and so on until I hit 50mg. I'm currently at 30mg and the side effects stopped at 20mg. Taken at night, it apparently takes you into a deeper REM sleep (it's an antidepressant). No migraines or mood swings and I sleep through the sweats. Hmmm, maybe I can skip the hormones. I sleep a lovely 9-10 hours and feel great. I do awake to my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth and I've gained 7lbs, but I look forward to going to bed. ;) I'm eating better, but not less, because I don't eat much now. I must feed my muscles but it all seems to show in my gut (4mos pregnant is how I look). Dave is a chronic snacker, so I try and ignore his habits. Now that I can smell again, his popcorn and tollhouse cookies are killing me. I need to get in my pool, asap.

EMPS #26 - 3WW

2009-02-25T17:29:00.000-08:00

http://threewordwednesday.wordpress.com/

EMPS #26 HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!
Extra Credit: Write a little about your personal style as a photographer. Why do you like a particular subject? What is the most challenging aspect of photography for you?

3WW - Callous - Interfere - Persistent

I have been given the gift of time to find my style in photography. It has become a passion to capture special moments, places and people. My favorite subject is my grandson TK. He has had a camera shoved in his face since he took his first breath. I don't want to miss one moment I have with him. I am very persistent in capturing his essence so I can remember every year we share. I have created a 3 year old ham.

My husband stole my heart with his love of gardening and has filled my life with beauty. Every summer he buys more flowers and I really try not to interfere, but he buys bulbs like women buy shoes. The results are spectacular and I have such variety to photograph. Living in the mountains has inspired him to create a garden for every season. I love the life he has painted for us.

The most challenging part of photography is lifting my arms without shaking. SLR's are too heavy for me so I have a light Canon Power Shot. It has the no shake feature, except when using the zoom. I have a tiny tripod, but Dave must be with me. I have a callous indifference to my limitations, so if I see my shot I just take it until I get it. If others try and take it for me it just does not work. We each see the same things differently.

My pictures are pieces of my life as seen through my eyes. Each moment in time I capture is like my poetry, straight from the heart.

One Single Impression - Twilight

2009-02-23T15:24:00.000-08:00

Twilight

'Tween day and night

Winter seems to fade

Into pockets of shadows

Lingering in the present

Iluminating remnants of day

Gradually opening to night

Hovering in the darkness

To awaken for one more day

I have tried an acrostic poetry form with one of my favorite photos. I like winter and about now we are done with it, but is it done with us?

http://onesingleimpression.blogspot.com/2009/02/prompt-52-twilight.html

My 500th Post and Great News!

2009-02-19T13:55:00.000-08:00

I can't believe my one little finger pulled off 500 posts and numerous comments. I've been editing double letters and combining clubs to give it a break. Now I will no longer have to struggle. My insurance has approved a new computer that will bank my current voice, give me other voices and type, all with my eye. I'm not in a wheelchair, so it will be mounted on a stand with wheels. It's like having a laptop, sort of.

This is a short video on what it can do for people with ALS, strokes and other diseases. Someone you know can use this to retain a quality of life while awaiting a cure. PLEASE watch so you know what this can mean to a loved one. http://www.dynavoxtech.com/community/success/video-nieto.aspx

This is my biggest fan Dave, who has given me the will to keep fighting. He married me knowing I had ALS and all that came with it. He believes in my cure 100% and will do anything for me. Dave has been patient when I snap at not being understood, learned Tammy speak and asks "what did you say?" instead of guessing. He has learned to repeat what he thought he heard and that way I don't say "forget it!" It can frustrate your hubby, you, friends, family and caregivers when you can't be understood. My warrior will love this computer!

The MDA will assist my insurance to pay for this. If you see an MDA Shamrock you now know someone they have helped. Thank you to Victoria, Jamie, Wendy and Dr. Cheng for making this happen. I will have a voice for years to come. I'm tearing up with emotion at just the thought of never losing the ability to communicate. Amen

EMPS #25 Birds / OSI #51 Spectral

2009-02-16T09:14:00.000-08:00

Horizontal white
distorts shapes into phantoms
frozen signs of life

There has been no signs of birds up here in Northern California so I got creative. This is a swan vase that held a red rose on Valentine's Day. She stayed afloat with the ice from our pond. Can I get extra credit for a white bird? LOL

I hear a Swan song
gliding across my heart strings
melting winter's wrath

55 Word Story Challenge

2009-02-12T08:27:00.000-08:00

There was a small shower just before they said their vows. They could only see mirrored reflections of love, as they looked into each other’s eyes. After the ceremony they stood at the ocean’s curl, holding hands. As they looked up God had blessed their union with a double rainbow. This moment would last forever.

Happy five year, Valentine's Day, anniversary my knight and shining Dave. I love you!

Sinus Surgery Done!

2009-02-11T10:55:00.000-08:00

A sinus surgery to remove polyps is easy for a normal person, but add ALS and you get an adventure. We left for a SLOW 30 minute drive to a surgery center in the snow. It was 6:00 am and dark. Dave had cleared a safe path from the door to the truck. I took my first step off the porch and slid into a slow fall, as Dave tried to stop it. I was a tad sore but mainly wet and cold from my landing. The snow had fallen from the trees during the night.

As the nurses prepped me, the Anaesteseologist came in. A very dapper, white haired, handsome man. I asked the group of nurses "what is it about this small town and the GQ doctors?" They giggled as one said "we have several that are bootylisious." My Ortho guy, my sinus guy and my Anasteseolosist are very handsome. The nurses named 4 others and one was called Dr. Boody, I kid you not, I made her spell it. I said ladies " I'm seeing an ALS fundraising opportunity here" as they gathered around I said "a calendar of these dapper docs." They loved the idea. LOL Dave was laughing in the corner at his crazy wife. When my doc came in he had a sheepish grin as word got back to him about the nut behind the curtain. I said "I see big things in your future and you can even wear the scrubs."

I had to sign off on the procedure and I asked the nurse to interpret it. She mentioned my polyps and followed that with and basically a nose job. WHAT? I need to see doc GQ ASAP! I asked him "what's wrong with my Italian nose, too big?" He laughed and replied "it would be inside IF needed only." Whew! I did ask, since he does plastic surgery, if he'd do a boob lift and tummy tuck while I'm in the operating room. He replied "so you want the works?" I said " nah, just keep my boobs out of my armpits and flatten the shelf they rest on." lol The ladies were roaring with laughter.

I was so groggy when I woke up I could barely speak. I had to pee and I guess they thought I'd said pain instead of pee. I got a shot of heaven in my IV! When I once again awoke I was forced to use a bedpan that was not under me properly. Oops! A gal named Daisy was always by my side, stroking my hair, cleaning me sweetly and such an angel. I wanted her to come home with me. What a pleasant group!

Dave pulled up in front of our steep driveway, that he had just cleaned, to park down for me. It was covered in fallen snow and he had to walk a drowsy, off balanced woman all the way down. I go up better than down on my best day and it was COLD! We did it and Dave was a great nurse. He dealt with the gross parts of nose surgery like a champ. I never had any pain either, now that is very cool indeed! Your prayer's and thoughts did the trick. Thank you!

http://ola810.deviantart.com/art/Who-said-i-needed-a-nose-job-97426015

OSI - Movement Haiku

2009-02-09T18:28:00.000-08:00

Sunset takes the stage

upstaging winter's white touch

backdrop's on fire

Storm clouds gathering

Suffocating a sunset

trees watch with wonder

After 10 inches of snow this was the cherry on top of the day. They were taken through a window and not altered. Pictures by Dave.

EMPS #24 "Red"

2009-02-09T12:22:00.000-08:00

As we sit by the wood stove, watching the snow come down, we remember why we moved here. 10 inches and counting as it keeps on coming down. It's magical until I must go out in it. I have sinus surgery at 6:30 am in this stuff tomorrow. Can you imagine how Dave will get a drugged crip down our steep driveway tomorrow afternoon? He claims he will send me down in the garbage can lid. You think not? lol

My Internet is spotty in snow but I'll get back to you. ;)

Sunday Scribbling - "Art"

2009-02-07T16:28:00.000-08:00

My favorite art is photography. I would love to carry around a digital state of the art camera, but they are too heavy. Photoshop can transform an ordinary picture and make it extra ordinary. Its best feature is the cropping and reducing wrinkles. Need I say more? I feel like I can create art with a touch of a key.

This is my grandson TK, who's smile lights up my world! I used his face to just explore art and the endless possibilities.

OSI - "Slowly"

2009-02-05T13:45:00.000-08:00

Dr. Oskarsson, my new Neurologist at the new ALS clinic in Sacramento, CA

SLOWLY

The clock turns through the years

as a dark shadow begins whispering

why you and not her?

We are all warriors battling the

same deadly foe and yet, here I stand.

Why you and not him?

Is there a reason or is it just by chance

that I have slipped past my foe.

Why me and not them?

I must continue to fight my battle with their

names etched in my heart as

time moves on slowly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had my EMG today and the results keep leading to the same diagnosis, ALS.( I had my first one 14 years ago) I keep hoping to hear that I don't have ALS because I'm still here and walking. 9 out of 100,000 have ALS and 1 out of 800 deaths are from ALS. Wow! That speaks volumes. The "average" life span with ALS is 3-5 years, but then you can chose to live on a ventilator for years. I need an explanation as to why, after 18years, I'm doing so well. Is it survivor's guilt or fear that keeps me questioning?

P.S. Only the needle in upper arm hurt. I had 3 in arm, 1 in hand, 3 in leg, 2 on back and one under my chin. (for tongue) Dave, of course, captured the one that hurt. lol Not comfy but not that painful.

Monday Photo Shoot - Winter at Home

2009-02-02T15:36:00.000-08:00

EMPS #23: WINTER DAYS It's winter, here in the northern hemisphere, but here in the San Francisco Bay Area, it was 80 degrees yesterday. What's a girl got to do to see some cold weather? Glad you asked. Your assignment for this week is to show me some WINTER DAYS in your neighborhood. Snow, rain, clear, yet icy conditions, bare trees, dead leaves, whatever accurately illustrates a WINTER DAY where you live.

Extra Credit: Show me something BLUE. http://ellipsissuddenlycarly.blogspot.com/

This is my home in No. CA after a winter storm. We get an average of 4-8 inches of snow per storm. They leave quickly and the sun usually follows. We had 2 weeks of nice weather, one snow day, another week of sunshine and BLUE skies. It's 65 and sunny today. I love it here!

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This new drug is making me drowsy which effects my balance. I've been napping for safety and not even going to my computer everyday. Shocker! I'll get used to the drug with time, I hope. I can't imagine going from 10mg to 50mg, I'd be a zombie! It's only been 4 nights.

I have Twittered on my sidebar so no one worries at my lack of blogging. ;)

I have a neat test (EMG-Electromography) on Thursday that I'm going to try and document it here. They stick a needle, hooked to a machine, into various muscles. It shows the electrical activity of the muscle. When muscles die they do a rumba (facilitate) and you can see it on the screen. You can see my tongue moving like it is full of jumping beans which is why I slur when I talk. I'll add it in the post because it's really fascinating.

I had my hormone levels checked today and can't wait to see the results. Night sweats, migraines, unmotivated, snappish and fatigued can't all be me and ALS. Okay, maybe part me and a smidgen of ALS. LOL Big reveal at the end of the month. These symptoms started at 43 and now they are getting worse. They would not give me the pill for bad PMS in my 30's due to ALS and blood clotting. I pray I don't run into an ALS blockade in trying to level out my hormones.

My girlfriend, Tami, took me out for a girl's day. She told me her teens were explaining what an "emo" was. Apparently they are emotional/goth people and some have "emo" bands? She declared that she must be a "hormo" then and I laughed out loud. We should start a band! Any "hormos" out there want to jam? I'll supply plenty of fans. ;)

I Thought I Was Back

2009-01-26T14:35:00.000-08:00

http://ellipsissuddenlycarly.blogspot.com/2008/12/ellipsis-monday-photo-shoot-15-pizza.html
http://onesingleimpression.blogspot.com/2008/12/prompt-41-doodles.html

EMPS #22: ROCKS or STONES

These are my favorite rocks and stones because they were created by my Dave and brother Pat. They set every stone in our water feature by hand and it's 30ft long. This was taken yesterday. A bigger shot of it is at the bottom of post. After two weeks of upper 60 degrees with sunshine we finally got heavy rains and a few inches of snow. It knocked out our satellite (computer, DVR and TV) but I loved January's weather.

Fort Bragg rocks

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http://onesingleimpression.blogspot.com/

PROMPT 48 " If I Only Had Time"

Time has become precious to me, but even I take advantage of its worth. I have had trouble making a quick recovery from this latest bug going around. I can't believe January is almost gone as I napped the month away. Let's face it, when you're disabled you have the luxury of time in a day, you are just limited in how you use that time. When I was sick I had begun to feel stagnant and then became reflective. Being sick with a sinus migraine keeps you away from the distractions of computers and TV's. Thinking is all that's left, besides napping.

When my new Neurologist and new President gave me renewed hope for a cure with stem cell research, I rejoiced. I had to think about what I really wanted and snatch back some of my old dreams. I will admit that the thought of a total cure actually scared me. I had forgotten how it feels to be "normal" after 18yrs. I asked Dave "what am I going to do if I'm cured?" in a panicked tone. He replied, jokingly, "get a job!" I said "you don't want me at home to clean the house, do your laundry, run errands and cook for you? He said "nope, can't afford it because I'll be retired." LOL I'm thinking I'd better finish my degree and figure out what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. It won't be dying from ALS, that's for sure. I get giddy just thinking about all the possibilities and changes.

I'm Baaack!

2009-01-19T13:50:00.000-08:00

I went from a chest cold and sinuses to migraine hell. This all happened during my peri-menopausal "cycle." ALS is greatly effected by any of these by themselves, but when you mix them together it slams you to your knees. My priorities were to keep my lungs clear without my head exploding. I was very diligent in using a humidifier, Ibuprofen, Imitrex, Musinex PE and REST. I refused to re-schedule all of my upcoming appointments in to spring. I even needed to add an appointment to get my hormone levels checked, thanks Oprah. :)

Last Tuesday was my lung function test for my ALS progression and upcoming nose polyp surgery. My cold was at it's end but I was still in a migraine fog. I was in the upper 90% two years ago but I got a lousy 87% this time. Good enough for surgery but it skews my stats for my progression. I was 104% five years ago so I'm pushing to stay in the 90's and you know I will.

I met with my new Neurologist at UC Davis on Friday and he made a great first impression. He is young, from Sweden and smart. He was amazed at my lack of progression and spent two hours with me. He confirmed the ALS, but is going after 18yrs of medical records to look at all of my tests to confirm. He may do a few again because he has never seen a case like mine. While I was there I begged for help with my migraines. He put me on Amitriptyline which will help to prevent migraines, bladder, drooling and my laughing/crying outbursts. (ALS side effects) I have almost been hurt by laughing out of control. Very weird feeling. Amitriptyline is actually an anti-depressant but is used for so much more. His new ALS clinic starts this week and I feel that I am in great hands for the future. AMEN!

Thank you for all of your well wishes. Dave is feeling great and I'm at 70%, and climbing. I had to hit ALL READ on 196 posts but I did skim. lol I miss my blog and friends. XXOO Tomorrow will be an exciting day! "I have a dream" will take on a bigger meaning for us all. See ya soon!

P.S. Happy 1yr birthday to our grandson Warrick (Jan 14th), Happy 43rd Deb, Diana's Texas Chili was the bomb, keep it up Batman and Jodi/Robbin ROCK!

On a Sick Leave

2009-01-07T13:33:00.000-08:00

Dave is still sick, but he is on antibiotics and working. I had thought I was home free in not catching it. WRONG! I'm really on top of it and must rest, so it stays out of my lungs. I have a lung function test to pass for polyp nose surgery I'll be back soon.

Sunday Scribbling - "for richer or poorer"

2009-01-03T13:35:00.000-08:00

United

We are richer united

and poorer in discord

let's become ignited

we are richer united

do not be shortsighted

but collectively in accord

we are richer united

and poorer in discord.

I wanted to start off the new year with something I've never tried, a Triolet poem. I've been watching the economy and the horrors of yet another battle on CNN. This is brief and to the point as I slowly come out of my holiday coma.

The features of the Triolet are:
8 lines.
Two rhymes.
5 of the 8 lines are repeated or refrain lines.
First line repeats at the 4th and 7th lines.
Second line repeats at the 8th line.

A
B
a - Rhymes with 1st line.
A - Identical to 1st line.
a - Rhymes with 1st line.
b - Rhymes with 2nd line.
A - Identical to 1st line.
B - Identical to 2nd line.

http://oriz.deviantart.com/art/Love-Of-Rich-and-Poor-32151264 Photo
http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/ Prompt #144 for richer or poorer

Happy New Year!

2009-01-02T12:54:00.000-08:00

My green apples are still hanging on and taste great! (Click to see)

I had no idea where the time went over the holidays. I found my computer after the holidays and there were 196 posts left unread. My Facebook was full of thoughtful "superpokes" and I had many unanswered emails. I've read Facebook, updated my blog look and Twitter. As for the 196 posts I'm afraid I can't read them all. I'll do my best, but know my comments to you are in my thoughts and heart.

We had a lovely white Christmas with my brother. Pat came early to watch over me while Dave visited his mom in a rehab hospital. She is working hard to heal that hip and get back home. The day after Christmas Dave's daughter arrived with family in tow. My hat goes off to her for the amount of energy in their three young boys. Dave and I raised girls and were not fully prepared for our rambunctious grandsons.

Two of the boys had colds so we needed to stay out of the snow. The one year old had to be watched due to walking with a wobble. The 4 year old was always on the go and the 7 year old loved the Wii's Mario Kart Brothers. Keeping them from getting bored was the agenda. We blocked up the living room, had toys, a cool tent and snacks. I hope they had fun. The 19th through the 29th seems like a blur now.

The tent took up the whole guest room and it was in front of an electric fireplace. It was just like camping. If you click on it you can see the fireplace, sort of.

Warrick was trapped like a rat but enjoyed finding ways out of our barricades.

Our frozen waterfall pond was solid enough for Nikki to walk on. Thank goodness!

The house was quiet and restored this week. Dave is on his first real vacation, but sadly he is sick. I can't go near him so I don't catch it and I can't care for him. He wants to take Christmas down but he's feeling bad and I'm objecting due to rain. A rough start to the new year but I have high hopes for a great 2009.

My TK turned 3 on the 29th. His family took him to the San Francisco Aquarium and got him a big fish tank. No pics for gramy yet. :(

My thoughts and prayers go out to Nancy's health and Joyce's family who lost a family member to ALS. Rest in peace Mel.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2008-12-24T12:23:00.000-08:00

Winter snow angel with her dove's of peace to watch over us.

My lil bro loving the snow, but Nikki is loving the steaks.

Plenty of apples left to pick, but a tad frozen.

Dave added a 3ft Santa, a giant live wreath and swags since this. lol I'll get more shots when the kids get here. They drove from WA in the worst storm in years. They made it with three little boys in the car and will be here the day after Christmas.

Bless you all this holiday season!

I'll be by once the celebrating dies down.

OSI - "Distractions" / EMPS - "Autumn Meets Winter"

2008-12-16T15:19:00.000-08:00

Vintage Christmas tree

pulls us back to childhood

lost in memories

(Click on pictures for better look)

Pieces of treasure

hung to distract from our pain

filling us with hope

Freezing little paws

cannot distract her from bone

except for a pose

Autumn meets winter

leaves battle as strong warriors

wounded but not beat

http://onesingleimpression.blogspot.com/2008/12/prompt-42-distractions.html
http://ellipsissuddenlycarly.blogspot.com/2008/12/ellipsis-monday-photo-shoot-16-autumn.html

Snowing again so I hope this posts. ;)

Sunday Scribbling - "I Knew Instantly..."

2008-12-14T10:08:00.001-08:00

I knew instantly

as you were placed in my arm's

my heart would never

beat without yours.

I knew instantly

as you passed before my eye's

It would never be forever,

but until we meet again.

I knew instantly

as I looked into your eye's,

your rare love reflected,

a strong eternal flame.

I knew instantly

as he gave me the diagnosis

I would not accept it while

living until the cure.

I knew instantly

as I counted my blessing's

I had been given a gift

of staring down death.

http://sassypants61762.deviantart.com/art/Count-Your-Blessings-82649242 PHOTO
http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/ #141 Prompt

I'm Just Saying...

2008-12-12T17:17:00.000-08:00

Tree shaker, who knew?

Stuck in the mud, awaiting rescue, while sitting on my walker with tired dog.

Now that Dave has lit up the neighborhood with Christmas he began chomping at the bit to go get his tree. I was able to sit on him until yesterday, but I insisted on coming, much to his chagrin. Last year he wanted the tallest tree he could find and cheap, so I let him go alone. Well he paid $15 bucks and had to cut 5ft off just to get it in the house. Never again! It was the biggest and ugliest tree I had ever seen. With lights and ornaments it wasn't all that bad.

This year I talked him into going to McGee's at Apple Hill. We went in search of a 10ft Silvertip Noble at a HUGE tree farm. It was muddy and we had Nikki on a leash. Picture an excited man and an out of control dog searching for their perfect tree. Now picture me, trying to follow his voice, with my walker, sticking in the mud every three steps. "Over here, I found one" he calls out. Tapped in the lot I yell "any bald spots?" "A few" he calls back. "Nope" I replied. That went on for two hours. Too uneven, too short or too many holes and all yelled across the lot because my walker is not a 4WD. The lot guy was scared of a lawsuit and stuck to me like glue, rolling his eye's at every no I yelled out. After much arguing and maneuvering we found our tree. They put it on a tree shaker, netted it and off we went. Dave is still worried it might not touch the ceiling and quivered at the price, but my work was done. lol

In the city we put up white icicle lights to emulate snow and added the twinkling fake deer on our front lawn to bring us that country feel. We always got an over priced, cut tree, from a lot or a cheap one in front of Wally World. Once I moved to the mountains I thought things would be different. We have lots of real snow, too many real deer and are surrounded by more trees than you can imagine. Guess what? They do more lights and fake deer up here than the city. Get this, the trees cost the same and this is where they cut them. I find that very surprising and funny. I have two perfect Christmas trees in my yard that are better than what we bought.

The whole house and tree will be unveiled as soon as we untangle the lights. A big snow storm is due this weekend. Woohoo! We really need water in California right now. I still have roses blooming, cyclamen and living petunias in December.

Monday Photo Shoot & One Single Impression

2008-12-09T09:53:00.000-08:00

On Carly's photo shoot we had to be creative with pizza toppings. Being the wierd Italian that I am, I'm not a fan of pizza. I am, however, a big fan of spicy hot. Chili flakes go on everything I eat and it is a pizza topping for some. To add to this really tough prompt, OSI wanted a poem on doodles. I did a haiku and photo using both prompts.

Chili flake clean up

Christmas doodle appearing

as my thoughts take form

Mind's in a clutter

imaginary doodles

organize chaos

Last week at Carly's photo shoot I could not capture an Autumn sunset (the prompt). In California we desperately need rain and there are no clouds. I'm getting roses due to the sun and yet it's really cold. Since I'm home bound and Dave is at work at sunset, I had to be patient. I shake when I raise my arms and a good camera is too heavy, but I finally got a shot. Yay! I was bummed that the colors appeared so late in my view, so I added the Autumn part below. Being stuck in one place with a simple camera, stretches your creativity.

The sun sets way over to the left in the winter. I like how the light hit just this one tree before sunset. A sunset kiss.

Diana at http://forgetfulone.blogspot.com/2008/12/amazon-giveaway-for-you-happy.html is doing a giveaway. I stole her snow. lol

Sunday Scribbling - "Tradition"

2008-12-06T08:39:00.000-08:00

My family's Christmas traditions have gone through many changes since my childhood. At forty seven I now dread Christmas. Divorce, distance and family dysfunction have taken my favorite part of Christmas out of the holiday, my family. My dark secret is that I go through the motions for Dave. He loves everything about Christmas, even when it is just the two of us. I'm a scrooge, but I had this stange dream. ;)

My Christmas past was with mom, dad, my brother and me. We opened one gift Christmas Eve, left cookies for Santa and in the morning we awoke to pure magic. The room was full of wrapped and unwrapped Santa gifts, stockings were full and my grandma and papa were at the door. Our home was transformed, as the fire crackled and the Christmas music was playing. Those were very happy memories.

Fast forward to having my own kids and my first husband. I married into a large Mexican family that celebrated every holiday in a big way. My parents divorced after I left home, so we were pulled in many directions. Three sets of parents, two sets of grandparents and our own quickie Santa version, was the routine. It was busy, hectic and fun, once we arrived. Christmas with my babies were the best of times.

Our divorce is when my Christmas spirit took its biggest hit. I spent Christmas Eve day with grandma, papa and kids. The kids spent that night with their dad and his family. He brought them home that night so they would not miss Santa. I got them up early because they were gone again by ten that morning. It was hard on us all. As they grew older I let them go with their dad on holidays because it was much more fun for them. Once they stopped believing in Santa the magic faded away for me. The nail in the coffin was when they became teenagers and Christmas became a chore.

My Christmas present is growing with a bit more spirit . I now have Dave, who has never lost his joy of Christmas. He buys more lights and decor every year. Dave's daughter will be here the day after Christmas, bringing the joy of children's laughter. I'm excited for Dave and know the house will be filled with a fun chaos. My brother will add to the fun, but I will miss my girl's and TK. The kids are being pulled in many directions and having been there, I'm not pulling. Traveling is difficult for me too and now that I'm nestled in my winter wonderland the Christmas spirit is surrounding me. My Christmas spirit is a choice, so I'm making an effort this year.

My Christmas future will find me cured of ALS and getting to spend a Christmas with all our girl's and grand kids. An impossible dream right now, but hey this is my Christmas future. Our economy is flourishing and global warming has stopped. My family is happy, healthy, and together, while watching scrooge and eating candy cane hot fudges. Christmas is a time for miracles and I'm sticking to it!

http://deathbycanon.deviantart.com/art/Oh-Christmas-Tree-13327505 Photo
http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/ Prompt

OSI - "Welcoming" 3 Haiku

2008-12-04T09:08:00.000-08:00

A Christmas welcome

as grandson's will soon arrive

making it worth while.

Lights in the forest

draped in love like falling stars

welcome Christmas peace.

Whatever stays still

he adorns with twinkling lights

inner child's glee.

My brother stopped by for a visit to hang with his sis on Monday. He brought with him his unique charm and steady gas bombs. I love his visits as we watch movies, laugh and eat candy (he loves candy). He's fishing with Dave right now' so I thought I'd come say hi. As you can see Dave has been busy with lighting up EVERYTHING, but the dog. This picture does not include the back deck either. I'm seeing only my electric bill. lol

Dave and my brother are making their list's and checking them twice. I swear they are like little boys about Christmas! My brother leaves on Friday so I'll be visiting you all soon. It gets lonely around here while Dave's at work, so I hope my brother stays. I finally beat him at golf on our Wii. :)

Dave's mom fell and broke her hip this week. She's a tough cookie, but lives alone so it will be an uncertain transition. Thank goodness for her "Lifeline" button! I've been procrastinating on getting one for myself but not anymore! Please keep Ruth in your thoughts and prayers. She really loves Christmas and we hope she will get to be at home to enjoy it. If not, I'm sure Christmas will go to her.

http://onesingleimpression.blogspot.com/ PROMPT

Sunday Scribbling - A Winter's Tale - Fiction

2008-11-29T10:35:00.000-08:00

When Jim had reached his car he realized he had no memory of gathering his things and leaving the building. Did he even mutter a goodbye to his co-workers of 10 years? His mind was racing, to the point of having to search every pocket for his key's. "Get it together Jim" he told himself, out loud. As he began his routine ride home he barely even noticed that it had started to snow. His mind just kept distracting him with too many questions, as he fought desperately to find some answers. He pulled into his driveway, turned off the engine and just sat in the car staring at his home. His mind went numb as he reminded himself to cover the pipes and find the snow shovel buried somewhere in the garage.

That's how Beth found him. He was just sitting there, deep in thought, as the snow was covering the windshield. She tapped on the window, with just a jacket thrown over her shoulder's, as the snow began to fall harder. "Jim, are you alright?" she shouted. Jim saw the worry on her face as he turned toward her feeling the fear rise up to his throat. He quickly gathered his strength and got out of the car. "I'm OK Beth, let's get out of this cold" as they carefully went in the house.

The blood drained from Beth's face has she sat there listening to Jim. "The company had to scale back and mid-management took the biggest hit" Jim said in disbelief. "It's three weeks until Christmas Jim, the mortgage, the bills and the kids. What are we going to do?" Beth said in a panic. Jim knew they were still paying off their summer vacation, but his thoughts were of saving the house and putting food on the table. Jim had made plenty of money to make it possible for Beth to stay at home and raise their kid's. The loss of their only income and medical would hurt them. Their lifestyle was about to change drastically. They talked it through and came up with a plan.

Jim and Beth knew the plan would devastate the kids. They realized that they had protected the kids, by not explaining what was happening, when the economy started to flounder. They had also failed to set a good example about money. With a meager savings, car loans and debt, they dreaded talking to the kids. Jake was a sophomore in high school and Amy was in eighth grade. When they got home from school they felt the tension that filled their home. Jake looked from Jim to Beth, gulped and said "who died?" as he dropped his backpack at his side. "Daddy? Amy asked with fear. "No one died, but we need to talk." Jim said seriously. Jim put it all out on the table, before he brought up the plan. "Are we broke?" Jake asked calmly. "It's not that simple" Jim replied. "You can get another job, right?" Amy said hopefully. "It may take some time, baby" Jim cautiously replied. We have a plan until I get a job, but always remember we have each other.

The kids eye's bugged and jaw's dropped at the changes Jim would put into action. We must sell all but one car, no cell phone service, get basic cable, cut back on extras at the grocery store, one TV, one computer and no new clothes. We must use less electricity, water and recycle. Then I need you to go into your room's and find items you want but don't need. Your mom and I will do the same and we will have a huge garage sale. I'll be selling the boat and waverunners in the paper. "What? are you kidding me! We are going to sell our stuff on the front lawn for all to see?" Amy cried. Jake got up and said "you can't be for real" as he stomped up the stairs, slamming his door behind him. Amy looked at her mom and said "what about Christmas? choking back tears. Beth looked up at Jim with tear filled eyes and encouragement.

As Christmas drew near Jim's fear turned to pride as his family came together and grew stronger. They had so much and never noticed what they were losing in the process. Their community, extended family and friends rallied behind them. Many who were in similar circumstances sharing their own stories and solutions. Jim, Beth and Jake found seasonal jobs that helped to keep food on the table and Amy stepped up in taking care of inside the house. There was a game night and movie night on weekends with a warm fire to keep them warm. One night as Beth was drifting off to sleep when Jim said "Beth, you asleep?" Beth responded "not anymore, what wrong?" "I've never felt happier, isn't that weird?" Jim stated in a surprised tone. "It's not weird Jim, we've become a family with good neighbors and friends" Beth said proudly. "I know, but I had no idea how much stuff can cover up living happily" Jim replied. Beth said "I'll remind you of that when we get back on our feet" as she kissed him goodnight. Even as the foreclosure sign went up they knew they could start over, but better.

Christmas was full of uncertainty that year and yet it was the best they could remember. Christmas Eve they went to their first midnight service and upon leaving Amy said "I can feel real Christmas spirit here" to no one in particular. The next morning they each gave one another a letter expressing how much they meant to each other. You could hear a pin drop as Jake said "well that's enough mushy stuff" as he turned around to brush away a tear. They had decided to join their community Christmas dinner that year. Amy was drawn to the kid games and Jake helped a cute elf from school hand out gifts. Jim grabbed Beth's hand under the table with a proud squeeze. It was a wonderful Christmas.

This family got a second chance to begin again and a heartfelt winter's tale to share with generations to come.

http://mad-dame.deviantart.com/art/Family-in-Development-68652412 PHOTO
http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/ PROMPT

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T11:35:00.000-08:00

For Carly's http://ellipsissuddenlycarly.blogspot.com/2008/11/ellipsis-monday-photo-shoot-13-turkey.html I had my Dave bag a turkey. Just like his grandfather before him he got himself a big one with help from his trusty retriever Nikki.

I never knew that Dave could clean, pluck, wrap and net a turkey. What a team!

Fall has been beautiful and long this year. These apples are hanging on for dear life, for they will soon find themselves stuffed in Dave's turkey. This year it will be just the two of us, so we are keeping the meal simple.

Turkey

Stuffing w/cranberry & apples

Mashed taters

jar gravy

canned cranberry

Store pecan pie w/cool whip

Snacks are shrimps and cocktail sauce, with chips and clam dip.

I asked Dave to find something for my antique toolbox until it snows. This was truly odd to me when I saw it, but at least it's colorful. I thought it was cabbage. lol

Today we got rain! YAY! This little guy was hunkered on a branch using his tail as shelter.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Sunday Scribbling - "Grateful"

2008-11-23T08:18:00.000-08:00

I found this candid picture on my computer of TK and it spoke to me. This shot captures his joy of playing in the sand. At what age will he trade his amazement of sand for a cell phone, or the latest video game? This picture makes me want to wave my magic wand and keep his life this simple and joyful forever.

As fall begins to drift into winter I have been thinking and worrying about our economy. Christmas is just around the corner and I have been trying to think simple. Sadly, any holiday is hard to do simply. Gifting and being with all of our families is not an easy task this year. I stink at gift giving and I don't like receiving gifts that are a financial hardship on anyone. My kids think I'm cheap and compared to their other relatives, I am. I'd rather be together and having fun, than center the holiday around gifts. Who and where to spend Christmas is the tough call for everyone in my family. I just tell my kids I'll see you when things settle down. I like being home for Christmas and not traveling. I'm just grateful for good visits anytime of year.

This year we will have grandchildren at Christmas! Dave's daughter, Jolene, at http://onevintagehousewife.blogspot.com/ will be bringing her family this Christmas to CA. The boys are 7, almost 4 and almost 1. I'm doing my best to make this a Christmas about fun. Dave and I are not the most exciting pair to visit according to my kids, but I have a plan. A pup tent in the hunting den for the boys, kid snacks, movies and a Wii game. I have until Christmas to learn to play Mario Kart Bros. Yikes! Now, if I can just get it to snow I'd be extremely grateful. It's been a long time since I've had kids at Christmas. TK was too young last year and this year Jessy is wanting to stay home for Christmas.

We are all effected by this uncertain economy, but I think of it as an opportunity to re-evaluate the way we spend. I hate being considered cheap and boring, so I'm changing those labels to smart and fun. I told Dave that I don't want presents this year but Dave said "well I do!" I got him to agree to one "man toy" a month from February 09 to Sept 09 at Home Depot. That did it for him! In the end we both win on that deal. I have a wonderful life that we have earned and sacrificed for, so I'm staying out of debt.

It's the simple things that I'm truly grateful for this year:

I'm alive, I have my smell back, I can dress myself, fix my own hair, brush my own teeth, shower on my own, I can feed myself, make love, live in the mountains, go fishing, read, swim, play Wii, laugh, talk, love and hug.

P.S. A personal chef, The Amazon Kindle and a driver would be cool too, I'm just saying. ;)

COURAGE!

2008-11-18T13:53:00.000-08:00

My dear friend Robbin at http://cedarchestofdreams.blogspot.com/ began this year on a warrior's path. She began her journey as a healthy 51 year old woman that needed a hysterectomy. While recuperating, she lost her 30 year old son, Johnathan, to suicide. Then came yet another devastating blow, she was diagnosed with uterine cancer. Living alone, she faced chemo and grief head on. I am over the moon to announce, that as of TODAY, she is cancer FREE!

She was thrown into menopause, her heart was shattered and yet she fought on. I've come to know and love this amazing woman like a sister. She is my hero. Thank you God for Robbin!

A Warrior's Journey

The fragility of your bearings

were perched on the wind

standing on the ledge of the heavens.

God held you tightly

infusing your veins with his nectar

his sweetness over powered the bitter.

You feared the darkness and the light

yet our prayer's vibrated your soul

lifting you into the spirit of the sky.

You sprouted wings today

as your body begins its renewal

bathed in healing promises.

You can give up the anxiety of endings

and share in the joy of letting go

for today is your new beginning.

God bless you!

http://redrose460.deviantart.com/art/Courage-33081577 PHOTO
http://onesingleimpression.blogspot.com/ PROMPT

Sunday Scribbling - "Stranger"

2008-11-15T10:22:00.000-08:00

I have often felt, in my journey through life, as if I were a stranger in my own environment. Just when I would start to get comfortable in my life something would invariably switch. Who knew that these different environments I visited were simply a learning ground for bigger challenges I would need to face.

Growing up I lived in a diverse neighborhood where I was considered a minority. I was threatened and teased for my dresses and white skin. I quickly learned to survive by ditching the dresses and embracing the different cultures. I didn't give up my culture, I just emersed myself in the other cultures to fit in. I was given a very unique look at the world at an early age. It shaped who I am today.

In high school I was taken from my diverse surroundings and thrown into another strange land. I was put in a Catholic private school where once again I felt like a stranger. We were not rich and I didn't even pass the entrance exam. I was somehow accepted and found myself in a school where the majority of the kids were white and rich. The economic differences were very clear in the various cliques. My core group of friends were diverse, and yet I could hang with the burnouts as easily as I could be a cheerleader on a Friday night.

Being a working wife and mother did not feel strange to me at all. I just thought it was the natural order of things. I loved juggling a home, kids and work. I didn't even feel strange doing it as a divorced mother because my role really didn't change. My life was full and productive. Sadly that would come to a sudden halt, as my life would take yet another turn. With one diagnosis I was once again a stranger in my own environment.

My life changed drastically as I went from a full life, to a life of isolation and uncertainty. I tried countless ways to adapt, but this would not be as easy as I had anticipated. It would become a journey I had to take alone. I found my inner strength, with the help of my faith, to find ways to stay a part of the outside world. The computer brought me to Dave and a very special love. I found that same computer kept me connected to the world and gave me a voice. I have real friends that I can reach out to all over the world. I can not only fit in, but I can make a small difference.

I will never remain a stranger in my own environment for long. My past has taught me how to adapt and know there is always a way to stay in the game.

Typing a single post and commenting takes a very long time with one finger. I recently had a demo with what I hope to be my saving grace. The Dynovox Eyemax will type with my eye's and will record my voice. I can use my voice or their numerous choices of sultry voices. It is a PC and can even anticipate the next word I might want to type. I can put it on a rolling stand and use it like a laptop. I loved trying it and I can see it giving me many more years of having a voice. I must get approved by the insurance company, but I will not take no for an answer on this one.

http://virtueforall.deviantart.com/art/the-stranger-40532251 PHOTO

http://www.dynavoxtech.com/products/eyemax/ SPEECH/EYE COMMUNICATION

http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/ WRITING PROMPT

November Roars!

2008-11-10T15:09:00.000-08:00

November crept up on me while I had simply turned my head. In my mountain retreat the roses were still blooming among the colors of fall, in the warmth of October. As the cold began to settle in the corner of every room we still denied November's appearance. The rain came in the night blanketing everything in pine needles. The smell of our first rain and a wood fire, quieted my spirit.

On November third I celebrated my daughter Michelle's 25th birthday. I had sent her a beautiful "Willow Tree" figurine of a mother and daughter. The company sent the wrong figurine and out of all the choices they had, they sent her a figurine of a beautiful pregnant woman. Good thing my daughter is working on starting a family, that could have been a pushy gift. Now she looks at it as a good omen. ;) Happy Birthday Shell, I love you!

I'm all for change and I could not have been prouder or happier on November 4th. I cried and cheered as I felt the wave of hope for a new future. We have boasted of the wonderful diversity and freedom of America. But I was seeing a different America, one of racism, apathetic youth and intolerance. I have hope, that with patience, we can walk the walk. YES WE DID!

During this exciting week of November I have also been given a gift, but at a price. ALS gives you an abundance of patience, so when I lost my smell and taste with a sinus infection, I just lived with it. That was over 18 months ago. Two courses of antibiotics helped a tad but never for long. Although Dave loved the no complaints on his cooking skills, I was missing out and fed up. I found an ENT that found both sinuses full of polyps. He put me on an aggressive treatment of steroids, a month of antibiotics, steroid spray and Musinex. I can now smell and taste! YAY! I will have surgery after treatment to avoid a repeat of this treatment. I had forgotten that I deserve the best quality of life I can. Shame on my complacency.

ALS does not do well on steroids because it makes you very jittery. When muscles are already stiff and balance isn't at its best, you just make do. I've taken a half of a muscle relaxer to counter act the effects, which made for a comfy MIA blogger. I've been trying not to walk too much while my body fights its dueling drug war. There are the perks, like my face has puffed up so much that I'm watching my wrinkles disappear before my eye's. I also now have fat little feet that I keep snug in my new slippers Dave surprised me with. No more freezing skeleton feet!

I've read all your entries, but I fell so behind that I'm starting fresh on commenting. I will be off the steroids in five days and I have so much more to share with you about this week. I will be testing out three manufactures for voice banking and typing computers for the disabled. They record your words in your own voice. The computer will then type for me by looking at the words I've banked by head pointing and blinking. Very exciting news for my one good typing finger! A new ALS clinic is also coming to Sacramento. It will provide specialized medical care and drug trial opportunities. Do you hear the roar?

I will never forget the cost of our freedom and our brave soldiers. God bless them!

Sunday Scribbling - Scandalous

2008-11-01T12:58:00.000-07:00

Have you got some juicy gossip? What about a bit of scandal? Have you caused a commotion in your life? Would you like to? In this week full of politics and financial woe, let's add a bit of spice and fun, shall we?

OK, I'll give you a commotion that everyone found funny but us. I must start off with what I call a "scandalous event." Before Dave retired from a national lab we carefully chose their best health care plan. It would cut into our retirement income, but with ALS we felt it was important. When Dave retired we found ourselves in a pickle. We could not sell our old house to pay down the new house.

Dave got another job with the school district to cover both mortgages. We found out we had to pay for two health care plans, but could only use the new one. GRRR! Some people have nothing and we have too much! Here's the kicker, the national labs health cost went up by 35 million this year. So what did they do? They are taking the good insurance away from retired employees and their spouses on Medicare. (Dave and I, because I'm on it. ) We must now find a medicare supplement. We are sickened that they are, in my opinion, taking advantage of the old and sick. We have yet to discover all the differences we will be forced to face. Thank goodness we still have a good insurance from Dave's current job, for now. What about the retirees who have only until Jan. to figure it all out? Shame on them!

Now for a bit of fun commotion in our last summer project.

We have been really good about paying bills on time, no credit card debt, no car payments and cash only purchases. Gold star? Nope! We can't seem to build up our savings. I could blame it on Dave's plant addiction or our old house repairs, but I made a big boo boo with one simple statement. "I hate that grey gravel, can't we put stone with moss in that small space?" Sweet hubby responds " I guess." Who knew rock and moss would cost a fortune. Dave bought what he thought he needed, but he was short three times. ;) Do we leave it half done or go for it? Economy crashes and I say "go for it." We spread the project out over 2 months and it is now called "Tammy's $1000 path." I always respond by saying "I'd never had bought the rock at that price." So on it goes. lol

Dave says it looks nice but not a thousand bucks nice. I am fully responsible for our biggest summer commotion and lowered savings account. Who in the heck can save 6mos of two mortgage payments, as suggested? I like it, but just don't bring it up when you visit while enjoying your smore. LOL

Health care photo http://miquu.deviantart.com/art/Cutting-healthcare-84166071

http://ellipsissuddenlycarly.blogspot.com/2008/10/ellipsis-monday-photo-shoot-9-happy.html#links

EMPS # 9 - Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T11:03:00.000-07:00

I'm not a holiday person now that my kid's are grown and grand kids live far away. Dave is a Christmas person so we definitely celebrate that one. I find it all too commercial, but enjoy the tree and lights. On Halloween we are the house that turns off all the lights and watch TV in the bedroom. Dave is at work during prime trick or treat hours. If I had to get up at every knock the kids would be adults before I'd reach the door. ;) I decided to not be a party pooper by skipping tthe prompt. I found what I had packed away since my kids were little and decorated my tea cart for this shoot.

The pumpkin is fake, I bought a pumpkin candle, pulled out a pumpkin tea pot and picked a few of my apples. I had to sneak the candy from Dave's private stash and it's already gone. ;) The vase is filled with brown glass rocks, orange water and floating rose candles. Tada!

( Click for better details)

This is as scary as it gets at our house, unless you count Dave's skinny white legs. LOL He let me take a picture to post, but they are scarier in person. He has the twigs and I have the trunks.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

ALS Walk Part II

2008-10-28T15:08:00.000-07:00

It was a beautiful autumn day that was unusually warm. I was stressed and nervous on the way as I wondered who would show up. Being captain, I had to make sure we stayed together, the banner could be seen and that my team got registered. It was not the most organized event I've ever attended and I saw no TV/radio coverage. We could not hear the microphone, but we heard the band. Maybe we were in a bad spot, but we were by the start of the race. Sacramento is the capital of California, what's up with that? I did write to the governor and a large newspaper, with no response. Next year I'm dragging news and radio vans out there if I have to lay on the capital's steps!

Seeing my family and friends arrive made it all worth it. My t-shirt was looked at by many, but mainly I saw conversations about it. A family was walking for their dad who had passed last year. They happily approached me after seeing my shirt. They were excited that I had survived for so long. Another lady approached me over the shirt. Her hubby had just been diagnosed for 3 mos. It gave her hope. Yay! I wish I could have met more people but it went so fast! I met Stephen who has had ALS for 3yrs and he looked great ( another slow progressor), but I got pulled away before I could really chat.

My kid's got along and everyone who said they would walk, walked. My grand pups acted like uncivilized puppies (dah!) and my oldest got stressed, but that was it. I didn't want it to end, so next year I'm thinking a picnic in that park would be cool. I learned a lot in my first year. Many donations did not get on my page, so we brought in more than $2000. I know a lot of people that don't do much on computers and were confused. Thanks again to all who supported me, even in spirit.

The Walk

The golden leaves of the park

fell like confetti in celebration,

of our special day.

Angels arrived in curiosity,

looking for familiar faces

through trees of gold,

anxiously looking about

to find a single group

gathered under a tree.

I see them, or I think I do:

those familiar faces I love,

shining bright as the sun.

Laughter, hugs and chatter

blends into the growing crowd,

and still there is a sadness.

Together on our path.

We are reminded of the fallen.

Who strengthen our stride

as we walked in their name.

We moved forward as one.

In a swelling sea of hope.

We gave of our money

in the toughest of times,

for those who suffer.

We walked for our friends.

We walked for the family

that continues to fight.

Five for Fighting is releasing this track on their next album. The singer, Eric Lowen, has ALS and emailed me after the walk. The choir is all ALS patients with their caregivers and families. This is to raise money and it's a great song.
http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/884613

Sunday Scribbling - What's Awesome About You?

2008-10-25T17:01:00.000-07:00

This Saturday I did my first ALS walk. This event is a good way to show off my better attributes. I read this weeks prompt and was thrown for a loop. How do you write what's great about yourself without sounding like you're all that and a bag of chips? After this event I thought the timing for this prompt was perfect. I'm hoping it shows I'm lovable, a survivor and one lucky lady. The blog community, my friend's and family helped me to raise over $2000. This event made my heart soar! Who knew my journey, in my own words, could touch people all over the world. We received donations from Australia, France, Canada and all over the US. We did it WARRIORS!

Do you recognize this blogger? Annie and her family raised over $300. You can never convince me blog friends are not real friends.

How about this blogger? Amber and her family walked on my team. Blog friends are beautiful and I fell for Wyatt. What a great kid! Georgie was shy but shined up on her daddy's shoulders.

I walked for 5 minutes and then went to my wheelchair, but at least I gave it all I had. Tenacity!

These are my friend's and family who walked by my side. If you zoom in you can see my friend Pam. I walked for her, since ALS has not been kind to her this summer. (In photo on banner) I also walked in memory of my dear friend Helen, who lost her battle with ALS. (written in lower left corner). Hopefully they think of me as a loyal friend.

I'll get a full team shot and share when it comes out. I also have more fun shots for Wednesday. We had 25 walkers. ;)

Photo Shoot - "Reflections"

2008-10-22T11:48:00.000-07:00

Reflections

An early morning in Fort Bragg.

Light reflecting on ocean. (Find Spongebob Square Pants in the water)

Tootsie reflections.

Extra credit: Trick or treat? Is anyone home? I love the lips and head piece. ;)