Thursday, August 10, 2006

Poetry Thursday- "Unfinished Conversations"

Mom married too young to the wrong man at 16. She was a strict mom who showed little affection. I later realized she was a very unhappy woman with her life choices. I hated her for the verbal abuse but always needed her approval. When I had my children I had hoped for a new and better relationship with mom but at 44, my age now, she died. It was a scuba diving accident that suddenly took her away. I felt sad and relief at the time but now I feel I know her better. We left our relationship unfinished so I felt inspired with today's theme to write a poem. Today is her birthday.

Unfinished

I stood at the open doors in a mindless shock
walking the red path with eyes focused on you.
It finally felt real seeing you lying there so still
I looked at you wondering if you loved me at all.

Over the years your unhappiness smoldered into a
consuming rage that burned all who tried to love you.
I took cover from your rage fleeing into the flames
I became all that you feared I would be. I was you.

It was my turn to be filled with rage and sadness
you left in a heartbeat with so much left unsaid.
You never allowed me time to grow into my own
so I could show you a woman worthy of loving.

Life got my attention making me wish you were here
but you would be proud of the woman I've become.
I took my power back setting a new path filled with
obstacles I'm happy to jump, just breathing the air.

Looking back I see you through a woman's eye and
a mother's heart knowing how life can beat you down.
I have forgiven you your trespasses knowing the depth
of your pain. I will always remember you loved me.

Happy Birthday mom, I love you too.

21 comments:

kerry said...

this is such a powerfully beautiful poem and beautifully powerful... you have spiraled my thoughts to think about my own mom, her own brokenness, and left me wondering how i can find my way to forgiving her. thanks for this in more ways than one.

Star said...

I'm glad you have reached this place of forgiveness, not for your mother's sake, but for your own. It will lighten your heart.

A wonderful expression, Tammy.

kerry said...

Tammy, thank you so much for your comment. Thank you so much for directing me to colorsonmymind's post today. It was incredibly helpful and something I can hold on to to get through the rest of this day and however many more days things feel this hard. It means a lot that you cared enough to consider and then actually guide me to that. I am very grateful to you.

Chris said...

That was beautiful, Tammy. It is like life is finishing the unfinished.

Chris
My Blog

betty said...

my first thought when I got through reading this was "wow, powerful"; you expressed your love and forgiveness so eloquently to your mom.

betty

Superhero Activist said...

The strength of forgiveness is a quality few ever develop. It is one I struggle with myself.

There are so many obstacles in the way to love, so many road bumps along the way that sometimes drive wedges between the people we long to love the most.

I am so happy you've come to a sense of closure, seeing with new eyes, and you've captured the essence of that journey so beautifully in this piece.

Colorsonmymind said...

Oh tears....flowing and knowing.

This was beautiful.

Hugs ands kisses

Deb R said...

That's a beautiful poem, Tammy and I'm glad you've come to a place where you can let go of some of the rage. Sending good thoughts to you on your mom's birthday. (I don't know about you, but for me that's the day I miss my mom most - on her birthday.)

tara dawn said...

These are beautiful words and such an incredible tribute to your mother and the dynamics between the two of you. Your words over the past several posts have brought tears to my eyes...but tears of happiness, just feeling the beauty of your words and you!
I love you dearly my sweet Tammy!
And btw, I sent you a letter snail mail today...should be there soon.
Hugs!!!

rama said...

Dear Friends

Greetings from Calcutta.

I am happy to inform you that I have self-published a collection of my poems on the internet.

This is accessible at:

http://inheritance-poesy.blogspot.com/

I would like to invite you to visit the site!

Thanks and best regards

rama

Tabor said...

You need to manufacture these binoculars or special glasses and get them out to all of us. The view is so complete when looking through them, I am envious.

paris parfait said...

Oh, sweetie. Your beautiful poem brought tears to my eyes. Yes, your mother would be very very proud of the woman you've become. I am privileged to know you, my lovely friend. xo

pepektheassassin said...

We all help each other along, don't we? Probably you more than the rest of us. I had a wonderful, unstressed, loving relationship with my mother. I really miss her. My first thought whenever something (good or bad) happens is to call her, still, after all these years. Somebody wrote about that this time. Thank you for this lovely reminder that love should never be taken for granted.

chiefbiscuit said...

This is a truly beautiful poem. Such hurt, such bewiderment. In the end though - the victory of forgiveness and love.

bella said...

Tammy this was so beautiful and so moving. To hear you speak of how your mother once was and to understand later why she was that way... It just proves that one's life experiences can open up your eyes and heart.

madretz said...

Beautiful and heart wrenching. No matter how long our mother's have been gone, being daughter's they continue to always influence us.

Madeleine said...

this is so touching, Tammy. how you as a woman yourself now can understand her failings and her struggles through life. that you can forgive those misgivings and love her as the woman she was.

very inspiring. i think that she would be so proud of who you are. she was a lucky woman to have had such an amazing daughter.

xx

Becca said...

This is so poignant and so powerful. Your strength and determination come roaring through here - I love this line: "I took my power back, setting a new path filled with obstacles I'm happy to jump, just breathing the air."

Amazing woman you are - your mom should be/would be proud!

Bedazzzled1 said...

Oh, Tammy, this is impossibly wonderful.

::tight hug::
Nikki

tinker said...

What a lovely, healing post. Especially with the timing - birthdays and holidays can be the hardest to get through.
Sending you (((hugs)))
xox

V said...

Hugs,
V