Saturday, December 06, 2008

Sunday Scribbling - "Tradition"

My family's Christmas traditions have gone through many changes since my childhood. At forty seven I now dread Christmas. Divorce, distance and family dysfunction have taken my favorite part of Christmas out of the holiday, my family. My dark secret is that I go through the motions for Dave. He loves everything about Christmas, even when it is just the two of us. I'm a scrooge, but I had this stange dream. ;)

My Christmas past was with mom, dad, my brother and me. We opened one gift Christmas Eve, left cookies for Santa and in the morning we awoke to pure magic. The room was full of wrapped and unwrapped Santa gifts, stockings were full and my grandma and papa were at the door. Our home was transformed, as the fire crackled and the Christmas music was playing. Those were very happy memories.

Fast forward to having my own kids and my first husband. I married into a large Mexican family that celebrated every holiday in a big way. My parents divorced after I left home, so we were pulled in many directions. Three sets of parents, two sets of grandparents and our own quickie Santa version, was the routine. It was busy, hectic and fun, once we arrived. Christmas with my babies were the best of times.

Our divorce is when my Christmas spirit took its biggest hit. I spent Christmas Eve day with grandma, papa and kids. The kids spent that night with their dad and his family. He brought them home that night so they would not miss Santa. I got them up early because they were gone again by ten that morning. It was hard on us all. As they grew older I let them go with their dad on holidays because it was much more fun for them. Once they stopped believing in Santa the magic faded away for me. The nail in the coffin was when they became teenagers and Christmas became a chore.

My Christmas present is growing with a bit more spirit . I now have Dave, who has never lost his joy of Christmas. He buys more lights and decor every year. Dave's daughter will be here the day after Christmas, bringing the joy of children's laughter. I'm excited for Dave and know the house will be filled with a fun chaos. My brother will add to the fun, but I will miss my girl's and TK. The kids are being pulled in many directions and having been there, I'm not pulling. Traveling is difficult for me too and now that I'm nestled in my winter wonderland the Christmas spirit is surrounding me. My Christmas spirit is a choice, so I'm making an effort this year.

My Christmas future will find me cured of ALS and getting to spend a Christmas with all our girl's and grand kids. An impossible dream right now, but hey this is my Christmas future. Our economy is flourishing and global warming has stopped. My family is happy, healthy, and together, while watching scrooge and eating candy cane hot fudges. Christmas is a time for miracles and I'm sticking to it!


http://deathbycanon.deviantart.com/art/Oh-Christmas-Tree-13327505 Photo
http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/ Prompt

25 comments:

paisley said...

you are always so giving,, even when your heart is not in it i am sure you are the belle of the ball...

i will be thinking of you this christmas,, as i have no traditions of my own,, and you and i could sit quietly by the fire and have an eggnog and a good long talk......

xxoo

Mary said...

Wow! poignant and what better time for miracles than Christmas! Down with ALS! Merry Christmas.

Geraldine said...

Christmas is indeed a time for miracles, peace and hope renewed. Thank you for this touching,evocative post Tammy.

Big hugs to you and dear Dave ( I wish I had his Christmas spirit too!)

www.mypoeticpath.wordpress.com

Queen-Size funny bone said...

I feel like you too about Christmas. Pretending gets harder with every year. But I try.

Annie said...

This is your own personal Christmas Carol, dear friend, but with a twist. The scrooge isn't YOU and your Tiny Tim is the wonderful and loving Dave. All I wish for you is encapsulated in your Christmas future. Central in it, the unity of your children all with you at the same time on one beautiful day. I pray their collective hearts open and give you that precious gift. Love and warm thoughts, Annie

linda may said...

May all your Christmas wishes come true.All the best of the season to you and your family.

Greyscale Territory said...

It is wonderful to know that others spend Christmas with different feelings! I don't feel so alien. My partner and I keep Christmas to just love and togetherness. Now I am not so sure that is such a bad thing.

*~sis~* said...

christmas seems so different for everyone...i wish you all the best for a happy christmas! :)

Me Maw said...

I don't know many families that have not been touched by diviorce, distance and dysfunction.

All of my children are married now, with children of their own. Each of them wanting to establish their own traditons. This is difficult to accept, but yet a normal passage. Still hurts though.

I have learned to celebrate the joy of Christmas anytime I can be with my family...even if it's in July!

Blessings my dear to you and Dave, Peace & all that is good

anthonynorth said...

Christmas is changing for me, too. Most of my kids are grown up and live all over the place, so it is becoming a quieter, more serene, reflective time. But there is always something of the magic of Christmas I continue to enjoy.

Tabor said...

We will have to travel to daughter's for Christmas and will be alone here after that...but I have had Christmases that felt odd and sad and something to get through. I am so glad you are letting Dave's Christmas spirit shine through as this will create memories for you for future holidays.

THE BLUEST BUTTERFLY said...

Good for you. I am sure that had Christopher Reeve lived longer he would be walking again....and those are some big odds, too. I am glad that you have someone to make Christmas joyous again.

Anonymous said...

Tammy, I have missed you so, so much. I thought I was retreating from the blog habit and community to conserve energy for the things I HAD to do, but the opposite has happened. I realize now that my energy is enlarged by that community of remarkable people like you. I now have a grandson (6 months) so I am experiencing many of the emotions you have described so beautifully about TK. My heart is filled at this moment with love for you and Dave, and with prayers that the holidays are repleat with moments of magic. The moments are the most precious things we have.
Rebekah

Lippy said...

Tammy,
I still believe in Santa, although it's not so much a person, but a state of mind. This is the time of year when we have to suspend beliefs and allow hope back into our hearts. Wishing for miracles is something we all need. Even if the miracles don't come to pass, the good thoughts and energy that accompany hope can help us find the next best thing.

Wishing is what stands between us and despair. Hope is what keeps a spirit strong when there is little else to support it. As long as one can still see tomorrow, I'm thinking that brings us one day closer to our miracles.

You're such a great writer...look what you did to me, lol! INSPIRATION!

Giggles said...

Yes the spirit of Christmas changed for me after divorce. I've changed a few traditions, the muck of the marriage was gone, but so were those special exciting times, and fiscal means. I pushed through it, changing things up to make them fun. This post touched me, how it could be , would be, even should be, in a perfect world. This year I have spirit, the feeling... I have no idea why, I just do. It's rare...this year I'm blessed. Wishing you Christmas happiness.

Love Sherrie

tinker said...

All of the changes and extended family situations do make it hard sometimes. Wishing you and Dave, and all of your family, a wonderful Christmas, filled with the best of old traditions and wonderful new ones in the making!
Your vision of Christmas Future sounds perfect. I'm wishing, praying and believing with all my might~XOXO

forgetfulone said...

You're an inspiration. I love the slideshow on your sidebar, too.

Lucy said...

your creative approach in doing this prompt was so clever and so enjoyable to read Tammy! I pray your Christmas Future is All you wish it to be AND it also includes you and I getting to share an actual christmas Hug! love and cyber hugs xoxo

Amber said...

I share your feelings, but like you, I am also trying to find more spirit. For my kids. And it has been better since they came into my world... ;)

I love your music. See? you have the spirit.

oxox ;)

latree said...

hang on it :)

Beloved Dreamer said...

Tammy my friend, sorry it took so long to reply to your fearless words.
I spent Thanksgiving with my sister and all her family this year. We have never been together for a holiday. I think this might be my last trip but will just keep on going.
I wish for you and your family a gift from God. To at last be cured and live a long long wonderful life.
Please know that I keep you in my prayers.

love, Melanie-bd

paris parfait said...

I must say I quite like the idea of your Christmas Future, Tammy. Much love to you and Dave and all the family, as they pop in and out during the holidays. xoxox

emmapeelDallas said...

Wow...a really great post and then when I think it can't be topped, you top it by pairing it with the perfect song.

I wish you get all your wishes, girlfriend.

XO

Judi

Remiman said...

Tammy,
You are the brightest ornament on my christmas tree.
In my Christmas you'll be 83 years o;d and telling all your grandchildren santa stories to thrill and engage them. And you will pass on the true meanin of christmas, which you personify so well.
It's about giving, not getting and you are a giver.
rel

Genuine Gem said...

I love your Christmas future! I'm with ya on that one :)
merry Christmas Tammy! Whatever the season may bring :D