3WW - Abandon, Gradual, Precise

This my last "educate it forward" and ALS Awareness post for May. I'll never stop educating ALS forward until there is a cure. ALS is is only a part of my life and I will never let it define me. I have lived most of my adult years living with ALS. 19 years to be precise and with this gift of time I must be a voice for my fellow ALS warriors, keeping my own voice, mine.

I walk with a walker due to bad balance and I have tight leg muscles (spasticity) which creates a gait. My gait, after 19yrs, has worn down knees so I use a cute scooter for stores and walks. My hands are curled like claws, leaving one finger left to type. Pincher's don't work but I still have a grip. My torso cannot help my weakened arms to lift me out of bed. Arms shake when lifted up, making it hard to get food in my mouth. I can't get too hot or too cold and my tongue muscles make it hard to speak so I sound drunk. I do not suffer at all compared to most ALS warriors.

Next comes choking and aspirating on food/saliva. Then I will be sentenced to an electric wheelchair. My neck will need a brace and I will need to be bathed and wiped on the toilet. I will over salivate needing suction and must be fed through a stomach tube. Sounds easy but it can get infected or leak stomach acid burning your skin. I will gradually become paralyzed and unable to speak. I do have a computer that is banking my voice now and will speak for me using my eye's. My mind will remain sharp but 10% will get frontal lobe dementia. Lastly my diaphragm will weaken, needing a bi-bap mask to help it function. This is when I will choose to die or allow a ventilator to breath for me.

I will struggle with not feeling like a woman, feeling like a burden and being abandoned. These feelings are ways ALS weakens your defenses, so I raise my shield and fight these emotions because I can. I will not give in to ALS until my last breath.

Now you know what it is, how many suffer and how they suffer. Educate it forward! Thank you!