Sunday Scribblings - Courage

Many think that having a terminal illness with no cure makes you courageous. It does in cases of ALS where the disease ravages your body quickly, until you are a prisoner, unable to move. Most people lose one ability after another until the end, leaving no time to do anything but survive one day at a time. I do think I was very blessed to have lived 19yrs with a disease that takes most lives in 1-4 years.

I never thought I was courageous when they gave me the bad news (assuming my time was short) because I had two little girls to raise. I HAD to survive for them, so I took them on adventures and taught them skills they would need later. I was honest, loving and asked a lot of them. I survived 13 years devoted to them and I was thrilled as they each graduated to adults. With a happy outlook at every progressive stage we lived live fully. Now they resent my living and moving away to the mountains(even though they are grown and married). They feel robbed of a normal childhood and I owe them to live close. Growing up in fear of losing me has effected who they are now (along with DNA). They love me but they don't get too close. The real courage is living without their appreciation or gratitude.

I thought I was most courageous, when my youngest graduated, in seeking a male companion on the internet, after 13 years living with ALS. I put myself and prognosis out there expecting rejection but instead found an amazing man. He loved me and married me, on a beach in Kauai, for the duration. He really has no idea how hard it may get but he has made a courageous choice. His courage made mine stronger and a blessing.

I guess I'm saying courage can be found in the big things and the little things. Everyday that we awake and start our day we are making a choice to live life fully and with courage. It may not turn out that way but we keep trying. We can reach out to someone in need, be grateful and love fully. That's courageous!

May is ALS Awareness Month, feel free to ask me anything.