Friday, January 20, 2006

Manipulation & Guilt

Bite me! lol This is meant to be a light hearted observation that may sound like a rant. (for some reason I'm attracting toilet emails...hmmm).

Skillful in influencing or controlling others to your own advantage.

Characteristically procrastinate, resist demands for adequate performance, find excuses for delays, and find fault with those on whom they depend; yet they refuse to extricate themselves from the dependent relationships. They usually lack assertiveness and are not direct about their own needs and wishes. They fail to ask needed questions about what is expected of them and may become anxious when forced to succeed or when their usual defense of turning anger against themselves is removed.

Remorse caused by feeling responsible for some offence.

My name is Tammy and I am passive aggressive. I'm in my own recovery program, "you do better when you know better." When you work on your own behavior, why is it you see that same behavior so clearly in those around you? My mom was aggressive/aggressive, my ex and now my oldest daughter. To different degrees they scared me. My mom died, at my age now, scuba diving and one of my few fears of dying is that she will be there. Maybe God will make her a happier person in heaven. The rest of us are passive/aggressive to some degree, which leaves me blowing in the wind. I see it in our family but I'm scared to speak up for fear of reprisals. The manipulative behavior should be stood up to. It's causing guilt, sadness and helplessness.
Pray I grow a huge set of ___! I am trying to set boundaries, duck & cover and let everyone else work on their own stuff. Dave, you still will get the silent treatment when I'm pissed, but I promise to always write my "grievance emails" after. lol

This is for my musical muse, TJ. I thought it great timing :)

My guilty pleasures:

1. A white chocolate mocha from Starbucks.
2. Going to the movies and eating buttered popcorn.
3. Shopping for Dave or TK.
4. Home decorating.
5. Talking long distance with a good friend.

I'm tagging anyone who wants to play :)


jennifer said...

That photo literally made me spit. ROFL

TJ tagged me too. I'm trying to figure out what makes me feel guilty. May take awhile. :D

betty said...

Loved your list of guilty pleasures! Especially the Starbucks!

Let's see, in our house, Matt is passive aggressive; I'm passive; Jim is aggressive/aggressive. Somehow, by the grace of God, we haven't killed each other yet and actually enjoy spending time with each other.

Remember, in heaven, we are to have new bodies; I bet your mom will be a lot nicer there :)

enjoy the weekend :)

ckays1967 said...




Yes, I am yelling.

TJ said...

Oh this was way good!
I don't "Think" I believe in Heaven or Hell but if I did there would have to be a purgatory. I kind of run with the theory that I am a descent soul and if there is a Heaven I am sure it will make a good surprise. If your mother is agressive/aggressive like my mother in law and at times my husband then she may very well be hanging in purgatory until she can make the neccessary corrections.
Once I grabbed a mirror and put it in front of my face. When asked just what I was doing I said..reflecting back your attitude in the only way I know how and protecting myself at the same time. LOL!
I was so proud of myself.
Hugs TJ

Bedazzzled1 said...

Hmmm...I would not know how to categorize myself. I think I am a little bit of each of those things at different times. Seems like different situations call for different responses.

You have made me THINK! And pssst...I do think those in Heaven have the very best part of their personalities as their sole one there. ::smile::

V said...

Tammy, don`t beat yourself up too much. All of us have our characteristic way of defending ourselves against the world. Passive-aggressive is just one of them; no worse than others!

Just keep workin` on it! All of our defensive postures are Life defeating!

Remember the name of my Blog....."To Grow Is To Be Anxious"!!


Ayn said...

My theory on my upward retirement place is a cloud that only people I want to see can visit. My thoughts on my father's death is God sent for Sandy three months later, because he was having trouble with him. Do I really think he made it to heaven? He really did believe in God. Just he felt he didn't have to play by all the rules, like be nice. I'm sure he is staying now on the outskirts of Heaven. Let's say on the other side of the tracks :)

Our best,

Darla said...

That potty joke is too funny!

Good advice from Vince! I agree with him. We all have our own defenses in order to survive in this crazy world! My Dad IS aggressive/aggressive so I do understand completely your fear about your Mom. Think of this maybe...when we get to Heaven, God will protect us! While we're here, I guess all we can do is keep ducking and stay out of their way as much as possible.

On a lighter note, TJ is going to die when she sees your guilty pleasures list because she has been craving buttered popcorn so bad! LOL We are doing the Exodus Diet Journal together. She's a lot of fun too!

Darla ;o)

emmapeelDallas said...

You're my hero, and I refuse to believe you have ANY flaws. :)


p.s. - Our guilty pleasures are very similar - substitute caramel machiatto, and shopping for anyone I care for.