The Power of Mind and Words

When I was in my early thirties a friend approached me about attending a prayer meeting. I was told a very famous "hands on healer" would be there and she thought if I went I might get a chance to be touched or even better healed. I thought she was joking at first, but saw she was very serious. I was very touched by her focus and hope for me. It's very hard to say no when someone wants to join the fight for your life.

The room was over flowing with people, anxious and full of hope. I was instantly very uncomfortable and we headed straight to the back of the room. Everyone was waiting, for what I had no idea. My friend was one of those friends who would yell at somebody for being in a disabled parking spot when they were not disabled. She began to push me closer and closer to the front with a tenacity that I thought was border line rude. She was telling people "this woman is dying, excuse me, excuse me please." I was absolutely horrified, not only was I not on my death bed, but these people were helping her to get me up front. I was being shoved toward this woman who had her hands on another women, eyes shut in prayer. Her voice was so low only the people up close could hear her prayer.

The woman's "helper" took my hand and helped me into the chair. All eyes were on me and I would have given anything to escape. She laid her hands on me and was talking to God. I don't know why that surprised me, but I was relieved it was God she was asking to help me. Her eyes opened, her prayer had ended and she looked directly into my eyes with a distinct look of sadness. She said" My dear child you cannot be healed because you don't want to be healed." WHAT! I thought what a waste of time and just blew it off and went home.

I could not get her words out of my head, which forced me to look at my life on a deeper level. I had realized everything I did or said was wrapped around my illness. I had become my illness and it was consuming my life. I was not depressed, angry or whiny. I thought I was happy and dealing with it all like a champ. This woman did heal me, she helped me move on from preparing to die to living a full and purpose filled life.

I used to pray every night to see my kid's graduate high school. The doctor said "most ALS people live 3-5 years, so you have been very lucky to get this close to your goal". As they were in high school I was slowly needing more help with meals and showering. I was scared to drive and if I were to be real honest I was nearing my goal and giving in. I hated not doing for myself and the last straw was having supervised showers so I would not fall down while I was alone. So once I made up my mind to live, yet again, I started Phyiscal therapy in a pool, started driving again, and got the guts to date online. I now do water aerobics, drive anywhere I'm comfortable going and met my hubby Dave (online). I continued a full life, I saw my girls graduate, my youngest marry and the birth of my 1st grandchild. I just hit year 16 with ALS and that puts me in the 1% group, not too shabby.

I have learned, the hard way, how powerful our minds and words can make dramatic changes in our lives. I will probably take steps backwards as I progress, but I'll always remember "God helps those who help themselves" and I'm not ALS.