Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Self Portrait Challenge- "With Someone"

FIRST BORN
This is my first child Michelle as I put my grandmother's pearls around her neck on her wedding day. Was it really almost 23 years ago that I looked into these beautiful eyes for the first time? Never mind the many tattoos, the patients of a Nat, the temper and that she talks like a sailor, she has a heart of gold. To show you the heart of this woman I must look through the cracks in the many walls she has built. I am the only person on earth that has seen the blinding beauty she fights to hide.

When she was in Jr. High I had taken her to a Saturday morning errand to K-Mart. She was not thrilled to be up much less in K-mart. As we worked our way down the isle I suddenly felt a cramp and before I knew it I lost my bowels in my sweatpants. I just knew Shell would be horrified so I made light of it, even though I wanted to die. I joked about it when I told her and she joined in. We laughed all the way home as her head hung out the window from the smell. She put me in the shower and gently took my clothes off and disposed of them. When she came back my tears were flowing. She began to bathe me as I had done for her hundreds of times, in a loving, gentle way. She dried me and held me in her little arms until I gathered my strength. I never will forget that day and the many more like it. She was so strong and had to grow up so fast, but became a compassionate, loving woman. May her walls come tumbling down to finally set her free!

Mommy will always love you!

32 comments:

Helen said...

Tammy this is so beautiful. We are so blessed we have daughters. :)

pepektheassassin said...

Wonderful post today, Tammy, as always! I am so very glad to have met you via the cyberbloggers net! I loved all the new pictures.

Still visiting up in the Great Northwest country, but when I come back I will have some new stuff to share. I have been keeping up (sorta) on my son's computer. (I loved seeing Manny with the flowers, and the new shots of Max!)
And, of course, most of all, YOU.

gay said...

these pictures are so special, the song is as well.

rose colored glasses said...

This was a great post. I have tears. I love the photos. I too delt with an ailing mother. My arms are wrapping around the both of you.

Bedazzzled1 said...

Both of the photos are beautiful. I love the sepia effect on them.

You know, Tammy? It sounds to me like your daughter is very much as kind as you. Even though you two do not necessarily express yourselves in all of the same ways, it does not diminish the acts of kindness.

Love you~
Nikki

Turquoise CRO said...

What SWEET photos Tammy! Aren't babies the sweetest angels??? XO

Deb R said...

I love both photos, Tammy. You and your daughter are both beautiful!

(This post made me miss my mom SO much.)

Vedrana M. said...

beautiful story! very emotional just like the photos :)

girlfriday said...

Love your photos. and the relationship in the story.

Patrick Leer said...

Your K-Mart incident could intimidate so many. You show what is possible when there is courage paired with caring. Children of families living with a chronic disease or disability are extraordinary human beings.
Patrick
http://journals.aol.com/daddyleer/CaregivinglyYours/

Jeremy Stockwell said...

Sounds like she has your strength. Adversity draws it out of her. Beautiful pictures.

Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

What a beautiful story of love, empathy, acceptance and the beauty of two souls in extraordinary circumstances.

melba said...

What a lovely story. You have made her the woman she is today.
Such beautiful pictures; thank you for sharing this.

Living Part Deux said...

Tammy, your willingness to put your life out there with such honesty continues to take my breath away. This is the tenderest and rawest of stories that fills me with emotions, but not sentimentality or weak knees. Rather, it makes me feel stronger, more circumspect, more appreciative, like tears could fall without contortion. My constant words to you: you are a gift. The love between you and your daughter is palpable.

Amber said...

Tammy! It is TOO early in the morning for you to be making me cry!
Such a beautiful picture of the purest love. True tenderness...
Of course she is a sweet soul (what's wrong with cussing?), she has you for a mom.

:)

Clare said...

Beautiful pictures and beautiful story of love. Thanks for your honesty.

tinker said...

Oh, this photo and this post, is such a sweet tribute to the love between the two of you. May you keep shining the light through the cracks in the wall to illuminate that lovely heart in there - and she'll find her way out of the fortress.
Thank you for all you do to shine the light for all of us out here, too - you're a sweetie! (and that's an understatement :)
(((hugs)))

Jolene said...

Aaah, I shed a tear while I read that. So beautiful!

Great song for the post too. This song always makes me choke up a bit.

I loved loved the post :)

Hugs,

Jolene

rachel said...

We wish that for all our daughters, freedom to be, who they are, I'm glad you have such a great relationship with Michelle. I'm hoping for the same thing too with Em and Boo. Am presently dealing with world war 3 on every occassion but I know it will get better.

Colette said...

You are both so beautiful!

xoxo

Anonymous said...

This is such a beautiful, heartfelt tribute to your daughter. She has obviously inherited her mother's spirit and strength. May she use them to find joy and fulfillment!

betty said...

I am humbled reading these words..........I can't think of anything appropriate to say........

just beautiful and wonderful pictures

Globetrotter said...

I remember reading this post before and it made me cry. These kids of today try to act tough, but as moms we can see through the chinks in their armor, and know what's really below the surface. I hope Michelle had a wonderful honeymoon and that the walls come down sooner rather than later.

bb said...

this is such a wonderful post but all i can think to comment on is your picture and your Princess Di cut :-)

bella said...

Tammy, thank you for sharing your story - and your pictures. Your daughter sounds like an amazing person.. she has a great mom.

paris parfait said...

What a beautiful tribute to your daughter's loving heart - which no doubt, was influenced by her loving mother. Your post reminds me of what a wonderful blessing it is to have a caring, compassionate daughter! xo

Colorsonmymind said...

What a beautiful mom and daughter.

Lovely post.

lovegreendog said...

wow, the tenderness is so beautiful. i am glad you have one another.

Madeleine said...

you know your daughter so well and i love that she talks like a sailor (all the best girls do you know).

can i just secnd BB and comment on the princess Di hairstyle. wicked, Tammy.
xxx

Chris said...

You, Tammy, are one of the most fortunate people I know. You are as wise as you are blessed.


Chris
My Blog

Georgia said...

Those pictures are GREAT!!! I love how cute you two are when she is a baby, and how beautiful you both are now.

You are both lucky lucky people to have eachother.

xoxoxo

berriehead said...

this brought tears to my eyes:( how blessed we are to have those leetle girls that grow up to be reflections of us (they fight it) tho in the end..they know us like no other. My prayer for you is that you will ALWAYS have that deep love to see you through your darkest days. xoxo