Sunday, October 15, 2006

Sunday Scribbling - "If I could stop time"

The prompt for this week has made my little finger peck at warp speed! What would you do if you could stop time? And if you could choose a super power what would it be? I’m assuming this does not mean stop time forever but for as long as it takes to catch up in our lives. Perfect timing for my temporarily out of control life.

Things I’d like more time for is to read, write my story, have more time with Manny (my sick Lab) and travel. My days are wide open and I’m alone from 4:00am until 5:30pm. I even have a housekeeper every other week, so why would I need time? Why do I choose strength as my super power? Simple tasks are time consuming for me, like straightening up, making the bed, blogging and taking a shower fill an average day. Blogging and showering takes up most of my day and energy but it’s important to push myself. Reading can tire the eye muscles but I have prisms in my reading glasses to help. I lift weights when Dave gets home for safety and because I can rest in bed afterwards. Strength would allow me to get more of what I love done and time stopping would allow me to delay the pain of losing a special friend and keep my grandson on my lap a little longer. I need strength and time for just seven more months and then check back :)
When Dave and I married we knew our journey would be a roller coaster of emotional and physical ups and downs. We had a simple game plan that in theory would make our journey a less bumpy ride. After we married, we sold his house to pay off mine, signed up for a better medical plan and paid off all debt. It was an essential plan so Dave could retire early and we could have more time together. With ALS time is not taken for granted and his 4-hour commute is very unhealthy. When you retire at fifty you do not get full retirement income so we were saving for a safe, stress free life.


Then one day we were feeling a bit over confidant and decided to buy our dream house, by a lake, in the mountains while prices were still in our price range. We thought we could sell mine for what we paid for the new one, pay on two mortgages(one for the down payment) and fix them both up in two years. The gamble has us stressed because the housing market stayed level and the price of my house did not go up. Dave has been fixing one house to sell, the other to live in, maintaining two yards, savings are dwindling and time’s running out! If time stood still and I had my strength back I could help him. Instead I watch the stress eat away at his spirit. We can’t help thinking we wanted too much and gave up two years of quality time on a gamble. Time is up in 7mos and we might have to cut our losses and sell the new house. Our thoughts are if it’s meant to be it will happen.

I guess the best use of time is being present when we are together and do the best we can.

20 comments:

Lisa (oceandreamer) said...

you know that song, If I could put time in a bottle?(Jim Croce) - well if I could I would put it in a bottle wrapped in glittery tissue paper and carefully bubble wrapped and send it to you. the box would be colorful and artful and just by seeing it the post person would just know it was for you. Then you could open it and uncork it and use it in any way you need.
XOXO

clare said...

You're right, Tammy. I think. Learning to live in the present is the best thing we can do.

Stacy said...

Stay positive-as you are-it will work out with the house. Good luck!! Thank you for your inspiration-keep fighting!

Anonymous said...

Tammy, the words of the song you've chosen should be speaking to you loud and clear...this song always gives me courage when I see my dreams going up in smoke.
Just keep doing what it takes til you touch the sky! Take a risk, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway! You have such incredible strength, I know you guys will make your dream come true xxoo

Anonymous said...

You have the power of positive thinking on your side. I think all of this will come together and by this time next year you'll be living that dream

Keep reaching, keep dreaming, and keep writing!

Helen said...

Oh Tammy. I understand so..much. The same has happened to us with our condo in Denver. Stress is not worth it and it will work itself out. Hang in there!!

Jerri said...

A 4-hour commute? That's overwhelming.

Your entire post is thought provoking, but the last line is the so important for us all: ". . .the best use of time is being present."

Blessings to you all. You're in my heart.

Colorsonmymind said...

Two houses....wow!

What a man and what a woman-you two are such a perfect match. I hope the house sells quickly.

Lots of love

Bug said...

Best of luck! For someone who wishes for strength, you sure do have a lot of it already!

Anonymous said...

A wonderful piece and an inspiring lesson.

Amber said...

I wish for you all the time you need and want! And all the love in the world, too. ;)

:)

Deb R said...

Sounds like the best use of time in the world. :-)

I like your time collage too.

tinker said...

I waving that magic wand like crazy, Tammy, I hope the darn thing works this time!!
((hugs))

bella said...

Doing the best you can is all you can do!
Enjoy each moment.
I hope when the 7 month frame is up, that you are both happy, no matter what.

wendylou who? said...

I'm pulling for the happiest of endings!

Anonymous said...

Yes, the present is where it is at. As usual, your post helps me put things in perspective. It's great to have a twin like you! You and Dave sound happy and well-grounded in reality.

Tabor said...

I try to maintain that philosophy in my blog because the best laid plans...well, you know. And the worst of planning can end up in a wonderful new direction. All you can do is live each day as fully as possible. What will be will be.

Anonymous said...

I understand all of the stresses that come with buying and selling homes. I hope evrything works out and you get your dream home you deserve it:)

Jolene said...

Things will all work out, what will be will be-like you say. I like the picture, especially the man holding the paint roller ;)

Hugs,

Jolene

dorinny said...

Great entry! Very insightful. Good luck with the property market. I can imagine it's extremely stressful. I'm just about to enter myself, and it's a gamble, but when you take big risks, depending on how you perceive the outcomes, you can be a winner either way. If you do end up selling the new house, then at least you had faith in something and gave it a go.. on the other hand, your dreams might just come true! I wish you and Dave all the best :)