Saturday, December 16, 2006

Sunday Scribbling - "Anticipation"

I have been full of anticipation to move to the mountains from the foothills. We will have a lovely home near a lake with the wonderful aroma of pine trees. We will have land for Dave to garden and I will have my own cozy den. We will enjoy snow covered trees at Christmas and fishing in the summer with the sun glistening on the lake. Sounds like heaven to me.

Funny thing about anticipation of a upcoming event is that you can think about it too much. I have taken a dream and in preparing for it I have developed fear. I realized I 'm going to be leaving my first home that I bought on my own. Knowing every wall and piece of furniture to assist me in moving safely around on my own. My back up support system is here with friends and family. There is no one to check on my animal's if I travel, or cut my hair the way I like it. I will have to find a new house cleaner that can handle my anal cleanliness. Will there be caregivers available when needed out there? Can Dave handle being retired and around me 24/7, or me him? You hear the stories about too much of a good thing ;) I found myself anticipating all the needs I have and got freaked !

I'm happy to say that I'm back to anticipating the adventure and change. I still have my moments but I keep reminding myself that I did it before, as a single mom with ALS, and I can do it again with Dave. I'm outgoing and will make new friends plus I'll be 3hrs away from my drama queen daughter's. No stress zone! Dave will have a workshop with a bathroom to escape to and we will have neighbors ;) Anticipating my needs turned out to be a good thing and it's forcing me to start preparing now.

24 comments:

clare said...

Thoughtful post. It strikes me as wise. I think anticipating some things ensures they will not happen. Your new house sounds idyllic, Tammy.

Anonymous said...

I tend to be an overthinker also. I'm sure you've got it all under control now, though, and only positive things are on the horizon. :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Tammy,

I'm excited for you. Your fears can be viewed in another way as curiosity. From my point of view, your illness has forced you to be primordialy flexible and adaptive. In many ways you are better suited to the move than someone without health considerations.

It's smart of you to think about the effects of retirement on your marriage. It took my dear mother and father a few years to work that piece out. Good luck. Enjoy the excitement.

Anonymous said...

Hi Tammy,

I'm excited for you. Your fears can be viewed in another way as curiosity. From my point of view, your illness has forced you to be primordialy flexible and adaptive. In many ways you are better suited to the move than someone without health considerations.

It's smart of you to think about the effects of retirement on your marriage. It took my dear mother and father a few years to work that piece out. Good luck. Enjoy the excitement.

Anonymous said...

Hi Tammy,

I'm excited for you. Your fears can be viewed in another way as curiosity. From my point of view, your illness has forced you to be primordialy flexible and adaptive. In many ways you are better suited to the move than someone without health considerations.

It's smart of you to think about the effects of retirement on your marriage. It took my dear mother and father a few years to work that piece out. Good luck. Enjoy the excitement.

khambagirl said...

Tammy,
You continually amaze me! I am glad to see that your initial fears have turned into excitement. I really doesn't surprise me, as you always seem to have that "glass is half-full" attitude. Good luck, and enjoy the anticipation!!!
bonnie

Anonymous said...

The last line is so true, that anticipating the future can help us to prepare for things now and be ready when those things come. All the best for the move.
Thanks for the kind comment on my blog, btw!

Anonymous said...

Dear Tammy, yes it won't be the same, but it will be an adventure you and Dave are embarking on together. And I'm sure the benefits will outweight the negatives. No doubt you'll be besieged by guests eager to visit you and see your new home. And three hours isn't so long these days. Plus the internet and phone and it's just like they're down the road a bit! And you always make the best of every situation, so I have no doubts about your ability to adapt and blossom in your new environment! xo

Jemima said...

You had me at the mention of a cozy den. Hope it all goes smoothly :-)

Left-handed Trees... said...

Getting closer to the natural world will be a wonderful thing! So true that change is the only constant in life, isn't it? I wish you much success on this new journey!
--D.--

Anonymous said...

Your Spirit continues to astound me, Tammy. Blessings for this new journey.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your encouragement, Tammy. I hope and pray that your new adventure will only bring you more good things to anticipate! It really does sound wonderful- the mountains, the lake, your cozy den... and I am sure once you get there, everything will fall into place.

Anonymous said...

I like the way this reflects all too clearly the cycle we go through when an anticipated change is brewing!

Anonymous said...

I understand your fears but am happy to see that they have turned into anticipation. We usually imagine things much worse than they ever are, and waste good time in the process. Hmmm, do I take my own advice....?

Anonymous said...

Here's to you and your family, and your new home.

Anonymous said...

It is always about that one door closes and another door opens thing. Nothing ever comes without compromise, but you have anticipated it all, so it will work out. You just have to be patient since it won't happen overnight.

swampgrrl said...

hey girl. thanks for your kind words on my blog and welcome to the swamp!

i love your dean martin singing on your blog! so cheery this morning with my coffee.

may your holidays be peace and filled with lovely.

Nancy said...

You have no idea as to how much I can relate to this entry and what you're feeling. Stu and I are going through the same stuff...although we're not quite as brave. We really should chat sometime....
Beautiful entry, Tammy.

Nancy

Anonymous said...

Tammy, I'm listening to the buttery smooth tones of Nat King Cole from your website while I browse and read and smile at what I am reading here. I haven't told you enough this past year how much you inspire me. You are one of the most courageous people I have come across in my 52+ years. I hope someday we can meet in person. I have always appreciated your honesty: you face life head-on and I imagine you breathing deep, eyes open wide, going into whatever comes next for you in spite of fears and losses that may seem to get in your way. Because of your optimism and incredibly strong life force, those fears do not remain obstacles, as they might for others with less spunk than you. Somehow you move ahead. And by sharing what you go through - both the welcome feelings and the unbidden "darker" feelings - with people who read your blog, you are encouraging others to grow and evolve in their own approach to Life.

You're an amazing person, Pam. The world is infinitely richer and more sparkling because you are in it.

I can understand your anticipation of the move - what an exciting thing this will be for you and your husband. Full of ups and downs for sure, though with you I know there will be more occasions to open your hearts to each other's journey, more occasions to smile, more occasions to feel blessed.

I'm sad as I think about Manny, about your loss of your beautiful angel dog. I hope you can still feel the connection with him in your heart. I don't know how I will bear the loss when our Sam goes, but just knowing how much you have had to bear in the past year, will help me when Sam's time comes to leave us. You do inspire me -- and I'm sure many, many other people, to embrace every single nuance of life. And to become stronger and more flexible (like a willow tree) as a result.

I wish you both all the luck you need and want in your new life. May you find peace and an even deeper love/connection with Nature than you already have, Pam. May your family continue to thrive and connect... and may you find the "perfect" person to help you clean your new home! '-D

Thank you, also, Pam, for your frequent visits to my blogs. You have encouraged me more than I can say. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

xoxo
maureen

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