This picture really represents my deepest and darkest fears. A stairway to tomorrow that I take one step at a time. I know what they say is through that door for me, but I have chosen to live my life with hope, not giving up my power. It has worked for me thus far, but there are flashes of my future that torture my mind. Will my spirit continue to fight as I slowly become more imprisoned in this body?
I am a women who wants to be desired in the most intimate of ways. I want to touch, kiss with passion and hug with ferocity. Will our sensual spirits be lost, as my partner tends to my needs? Will he feel passion rise as my leg brushes against his in the darkness? Or will he move away ever so slightly, afraid to hurt me? Will I remain beautiful to my partner, stuck in slow motion in a constant state of dishevelment, with no make-up and sweats? Yes, he made the choice, but how can we really know how we will respond, as its ugliness creeps into our lives. Will my spirit be enough to keep that look in his eye's?
I started life as a doormat but rose up from the ashes, taking back my power. I became an independent woman with many success's. I'm proud of myself and life has been very good. How can I return to a life with no voice? Will I accept graciously a caregiver attending my grooming and intimate needs? Left with choices made for me, not by me. Will I suffer in the end because of not being able to explain what my body needs? Will I be able to chose when I'm done? Can my spirit express what's inside and be heard?
These are my two deepest and darkest fears. I'm not afraid of dying but I'm afraid of losing me. I will never be alone in my fight and I know I'll always be loved, but dying can't be shared. While I keep my hope for a cure alive, I also prey I accept what ever is behind that door with dignity and grace. I'm a human being and a woman just fighting back my fears with whatever works!
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