Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Encyclopedia of Me - "B"

Balance is a big part of my life, both physically and mentally. Physically the only reason I need a walker is because I have very little balance. I can't lift one foot without support and if you turn out the lights on me I'll go down like a sack of potatoes. I use the walls in my house instead of my walker for balance. When I first wake up I groggily become a human pin ball, bouncing from one wall to the next while heading to the restroom. Once in awhile I fall straight backwards without warning. I've learned how to fall over the years but I don't need these skills but once or twice a year. My little dog Nikki used to stand behind me in the kitchen until I landed on her head with my butt! You will never find Nikki behind me and Dave swears I caused her to be brain damaged.

Mentally I need balance in my relationships, responsibilities and my time. I have learned that if I'm not getting back what I put into a relationship I'll back away. I match the effort that the other puts out because I am a reformed people pleaser. I was that person to make most of the phone calls, loved gift giving opportunities and was a good "Dear Abby." I really thought the number of friends I had mattered or my long history with them. It's the quality and give and take in a friend that counts. Now that I'm a little difficult to understand over the phone, shopping is limited and I live 3hrs away from my friends. Those who continue to make an effort are treasured friends.

My kids are under the assumption that I must call them on a regular basis only to listen to their trials and tribulations. What I have been up to seems to slip their mind's. I get called out by my oldest because I talked with my youngest more than her that month...please! I'm calling TK , it just so happens my youngest has to answer the phone...dah! So I let them call me and I call TK. I will not see them together due to their consistent fighting and I prefer mother and daughter visits. Dave and I don't do family gatherings with my family and we like it that way. This is balance for sanity.

Marriage in my case is harder to balance. I hired a housekeeper, pick up, make the bed and manage the finances. Dave does yard, garage, cars, handyman, laundry, cooking, dishes, laundry and works. No balance there! In my head the balance comes in keeping my mouth shut by eating whatever he puts in front of me, wearing blue panties (once white) with a smile, and allowing him remote control power. He respects my alone time, friendships and kid visits. We hope that we will add even more balance once he retires with a few couple friends. We have been married for such a short time we have not made any yet. Dave is not a big socializer but a little balance won't kill him.

There is not a whole lot I can control in my life, no matter how hard I try. Keeping things balanced keeps me positive and sane.

26 comments:

Kelly said...

you have learned so much, I'm jealous! I am no where near having "balance" in my life. I'd like to think it will catch up with me....some day!

Amber said...

We all need it, but some of us more than others. I am one of those who need it. ;)

I think it is good that you have become a reformed pleaser. I so get what you are saying. I am the same way. And I also think it is good that you see what you need emotionally, now that you can't control so many things. It still makes me sad that your kids seem to add stress to your life, when they should be just lovin' you up.

:)

:)

Becca said...

What a great post - we all have the need to find balance in our lives, and you certainly have some major challenges the rest of us don't have. I admire the way you see these issues so clearly, and are looking for ways to make things weigh out evenly for yourself. I can sure take a lesson from this.

Nancy said...

Oh my Libra friend...I do understand all this. Ok, maybe not the blue panties, but hey...I can't understand EVERYthing! lol

We sure do have lots in common, as you know.

And I swear...if you lived closer, I would LOVE to be "couple friends"...Stu is similar to Dave in that way. (Of course, you and I would have our own time too)!

Love ya,
Nance

http://journals.aol.com/nhd106/Nancyluvspix/

Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

I needed this reminder of balance ... thanks, Tammy! xx, JP/deb

emmapeelDallas said...

It sounds as if you have established a great deal of balance in your life, Tammy. This is a great essay on balance, and I'm going to keep it in mind.

Judi

turquoise cro said...

BUY blue panties to begin with!! LOL Just kidding YOU sweets! and BE careful, and don't fall!!! What are we going to watch now???!!! I'd love to seeeeee those sweet dancers on tour!! Maybe Dancing With The Stars will be starting soon!

turquoise cro said...

O! My "B" Comment= BUY BLUE BLOOMERS! lol

giggles said...

Did I ever tell you I adore how candid you are!! Thanks for sharing that great intimate side of yourself!

Maybe there was a time when you did it all....I suspect that was so....now you balance what you can....I know that to be so in my case as the once upon a time super woman!

Love and hugs Sherrie

chiefbiscuit said...

Well written - I was captured and informed. You are very wise. I am a big fan of balance myself.It is important to keep that balance we all need. So wise.

Star said...

I used to be a people pleaser also. I still want to be a blessing rather than a burden, but I'm not willing to always be on the giving end with no effort from the other side.

I had to laugh right out loud about the blue panties. Those dye magnet sheets do wonders for mixed loads; has Dave found those yet? Laundry aside, I think you have found the balance that works in your marriage. A little personal space for each and lots of laughter go a long way.

I'm looking forward to "C" :)

Love and hugs, Star

Kamsin said...

Balance is so important although I'm not sure it's something I've given much thought to before reading your post today! But I can see how having balance helps keep you sane and it seems like balanced is a good way to describe you!

Yolanda said...

I so agree with this post.I strive for this everyday.
Hugs, yolanda

bella said...

I love learning more about you Tammy - you really are an inspiration. I am letting go of the people pleasing side of me, and what I have found is that the people I was so desperately trying to please are getting mad that I don't give in anymore.
Balance is not easy to achieve but definitely something to strive for. You are doing a wonderful job.
ps.. thank you for all of the kind comments on my blog. xo.

Shelby said...

me too.. sending hugs..

Jessie said...

There has been so much going on for you and Dave--I'm glad to hear that you make a point of staying balanced. :)

Keep it up! I'd say you're doing a good job of it. Your blogs is one of the most balanced that I read. ;)

TJ said...

Balance is fragile isn't it for most of us in some sort of form?
I can not believe that TK is so big!!!!
Time does fly doesn't it...Love TJ

vicci said...

You are such a precious human being Tammy.....true friends LOVE you whatever.....I know I do!

Left-handed Trees... said...

Such an important post...I love this alphabet series!
Love,
D.

Jimmy said...

Even though it's said we never really achieve perfect balance in our lives, I think the effort keeps us distracted just enough to keep us sane.

I think you have a terrific attitude.

kate said...

Tammy,

You are an inspiration and a wise woman, Tammy. Even with adversity, you've carved out an amazing life for yourself and have taken those hard steps with family and friends to ensure that you only have people who nurture you and love you right back!!

Rach said...

I've been away from blogging because I am trying to find the balance in my life. I really get your views on balance in relationships, it was lovely to come back and read your words again dear Tammy. Will be back soon I promise
x

Chris said...

You forgot to balance your checkbook :)

I struggle w/ balance too. I tend to go full out on whatever I am doing, all or nothing. Not a good way to operate sometimes.

Inland Empire Girl said...

As I prepare to embark on another teaching year your post on balance was perfect timing.

daisies said...

i am slowly learning balance, so very slowly ~ it is one of my most difficult challenges these days i think, sigh ... thank you for this inspired post :) xoxox

paris parfait said...

We can all learn a few things about balance from you, dear heart! Wonderful post. xo