Thursday, February 07, 2008

Taking Control

I have been in a funk for days and have anesthetized myself with mind numbing TV. It's not the beautiful snow or even cabin fever but the backlash of small changes from the move. I have always embraced change but as I've gotten older the adjustment period seems to be lasting longer. The new house was an easy adjustment to make but I'm finding that it's the smaller changes that are pulling me down. Moving right before winter did not help.

I used to have time with Dave in the evenings, a hairdresser, mobile dog groomer, housekeeper, family and visitors at the old house. Currently Dave has until 12:30pm to make a fire, get breakfast, feed animals, shower, make lunch and dinner for us both. He gets home at 10:00pm and I'm ready for bed because I need a certain amount of hours of sleep each night. I know this schedule is only until school is out but it gets real lonely.

My hair is now overgrown and the grey is taking over, my dog looks like a dirty dust mop, cleaning services won't come out in the snow, family and friends are now far away. Winter is my hibernation time and I love it but I have lost control of some of the few things I still had control over. I need to regain control over my environment to get prepared for summer. That is actually the hardest time of year for me because I want to get out there and play more than I'm able to. No one takes your control away, you give it away and only you can take it back.

The sun came out so I got a house cleaning estimate and she knows of a mobile dog groomer. I shaved a section of my eyebrow off (shaky hands) so I picked up an eyebrow pencil and hair dye at Longs. I might even shave my hairy, dry legs to bust out of these doldrums. I must get out of my jammies and find that bra!

The part I really miss is human contact and I can't fix that until spring. We are flying to WA to see Dave's daughters family on the 15th which will be fun. Dave will work days this summer and that will help the most but I need to go meet me some neighbors. Dave suggested bingo...not!

I had a slight set back with a simple phone call.

My TK broke his leg (hairline fracture of lower leg)at the playground and I remembered this picture from Christmas walking in the stockings. I was so sad that I could not comfort him or help to keep him entertained. I hung up feeling awful that I was so far away, when Dave said "well, you wanted to move." I guess even a prince can remember how to be a frog. ;) We will go to love on him after WA trip and I will teach him the fine art of sitting for hours.
I need a muse so I can get over myself and get back to writing because I'm still a very lucky gal!


emmapeelDallas said...


My circumstances are very different, and yet I can relate to so much of this post. I know all about anesthetizing myself with mind numbing TV. It's a bad habit that I've fallen into myself. If I lived near you, I'd come over, snow or not, and we'd color your hair and drink hot chocolate and laugh ourselves silly...

I'm sorry to hear about TK's leg. Remember that Xander broke his arm at the playground in August, and he began kindergarten with a purple cast on his right arm. Now he's completely ambidextrous! They adjust much better than we do!

Hang in there girlfriend. I think of you often. And remember Oliver Herford's beautiful words:

I heard a bird sing
In the dark of December
A magical thing
And sweet to remember.

‘We are nearer to Spring
Than we were in September,’
I heard a bird sing
In the dark of December.



gautami tripathy said...

Too bad about the wee kid!

Tammy, good I came here at the right time.
Here is your muse. As I have tagged you, you will now sit and write this down. You will love this as it is to be writen in verse!

Check here:
10 to 10

pepektheassassin said...

Sounds like you are on your way back up! Listen to that little bird, and to your muse from India! (She came a long long way to inspire you!)

And you want human contact? We're human! Maybe not as visible as some, but HERE nonetheless!

It's still cold and snowy here, too. But Annie Dillard says that spring is on its way, five miles closer every day (or something like that). I'll look it up sometime this morning and let you know for sure.

pepektheassassin said...

Come on over and listen to Kimya Dawson sing about girl giants--

"smaller than a poppy seed inside a great big bowl...we all become important when we realize our goal
should be to figure out our role within the contest of the whole....

I am grounded, I am humble, I am one with everything...."

Jana B said...

Sorry to hear about TK's leg...

Adjustments ARE hard... (trust me, I'm a newlywed!) but they do get better...

I wanna see pics of your newly-dyed hair!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hope TK heals quickly, children always seem to be breaking bones. This time of year is tough on many people, myself included, and to be snowbound and having just moved; I do wish you better Tammy.


Tabor said...

Along with the season and the mood I also think we tend to get moodier as we get older. Hang on and hang in...time will change all and in that time you will adjust and you will also adjust the environment around you. I don't know if I posted by my grandson broke his leg on a slide at about the same age as TK. It was heart rendering watching him (try) to walk with a full cast and having to fall to the ground to get around...but they are truly resilient and great role models for us old timers. Sending the best warm feelings I can with this post.

Amber said...

Oh, poor baby TK. :(

And you. ((((YOU)))) Darn it. I hope spring will hurry up. ;)

I was wanting to tell you to ask Dave to pick you up a SN&R (a free area paper).It has a good story about a guy with ALS in it. ;)

oxox :)

Inland Empire Girl said...

There certainly are pros and cons to winter hibernation. I laughed out loud when I read the line about getting our of jammies and finding a bra. Been there. I do agree... it is amazing though how hard it is to leave a housecleaner, hairdresser, and dog groomer. I can't find a housecleaner to drive down the river to my house, but found a great hairdresser. When I met my husband he decided he could groom the dog. Whew! Hang in there... spring is coming.

Inland Empire Girl said...

There certainly are pros and cons to winter hibernation. I laughed out loud when I read the line about getting our of jammies and finding a bra. Been there. I do agree... it is amazing though how hard it is to leave a housecleaner, hairdresser, and dog groomer. I can't find a housecleaner to drive down the river to my house, but found a great hairdresser. When I met my husband he decided he could groom the dog. Whew! Hang in there... spring is coming.

Just Jen said...

Tammy, I can relate to this more than you know!
Tk is adorable in that pic as usual. Hope he feels better soon!
Shake them winter blahs and shave but feel free to ditch the bra. 5 minutes in one will make you wonder why you bothered digging it out in the first place!
Welcome back to the blogland of the living and think:
1. how bored you would be with out internet in years gone by
2. aren't you glad you won that tv trophy now? hehe
3. my hubby is in school and i miss him until he's home making a mess...
4.we moved here and haven't met the neighbours yet either, you will in the spring when everyone is out, if you go out now, nobody else will be out!
5. we're still here and like your company! :D

GreenishLady said...

You've been on my mind. Sorry it's been a low time, and that the hibernation's having these effects. I agree with the comment about leaving the bra! Spring is on its way, and in the meantime, you are actually allowed to feel rough and say so from time to time!
Sorry about poor TK, but they do heal up quickly at that age.

TJ said...

Oh God! Please let the snow stops...I am so sad that you sit so alone!!! I want to be there...there with you so we can laugh and stare at the babies pictures and talk about alll the bloggers adventures we have shared. Can ya think of anything I can do or send you to make ya smile.
It is that damn grey hair popping just steals the damn glow.
Love to you.hang in there my precious friend.
Love TJ

Jessie said...

hang in there tammy! and know that i'm thinking about ya. oh, and be careful of the tv. i swear, it causes depression. maybe brew yourself and exquisite cup of tea and do a collage instead? ;)

love ya, dear girl.

Yolanda said...

I have weeks like this but I know that like you I am still blessed. I want you to know you are a blessing to me.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like the winter blahs! I think I am going through them too, only my problem is too much contact with people, LOL. I think last time think year I took my Family Leave Act from work, because of all the stress from Hannah's Concussion and Melanie's illness not being stable. Now the girls are good, but work is stressful and I long for that 8 week break again. It was so re-energizing for me!! I am glad you are going to visit family soon. That will be re-energizing for you, my friend.
So sorry to hear about TK's leg. I hope it heals quicky and he will be up and running around again.

Take care! I love your updates and photos, so post when you can.

kate said...

Hi Tammy,

It's tough when you can't just get out of the house whenever you feel like it. Your routine has changed dramatically with Dave's hours and you are living in a new community. That is a lot of stress to be dealing with. When the weather gets better, you'll be able to meet your neighbours ...

Shaving your legs will feel good - a little pick-me-up - just like having flowers around can make things seem better.

Writing helps ... right?

Thinking of you ... here are some virtual hugs for you,
Kate ox

Jone said...

Hang in there! Spring is on its way. where will you be in WA? I am sorry that TK broke his leg. Thinking of you.

Jone said...

Hang in there! Spring is on its way. where will you be in WA? I am sorry that TK broke his leg. Thinking of you.

Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

I'm sorry you've been in a funk babe, but thanks for giving voice to it, because I've been there the past few days & I don't feel quite so alone in my funkyness now. Sending you love. Sorry to hear about TK's leg ... the beauty of youth is that healing happens quickly. xx, JP/deb

chiefbiscuit said...

You sound blue - and do you know what? A whole lot of your fellow Northern Hemisphere-ites are feeling the same way - I know cos I've just been visiting my fav blogs and everyone seems to be feeling blue and feeling the nearly the end-of-winter pinch. 'A mile in summer is five in winter',. So it's only natural ... However your lovely muse has arrived - so be a-mused and write, baby, write! (Hugs'n'all that.) :)

daisies said...

so sorry to hear about your funk honey ... this is, i think, the hardest time of the year and combine all the changes in your life and the sad news about TK's leg, well who can blame you for feeling so down. i hope it turns around for you soon and light and joy enter your house ~ you should definitely find a way to get it all out, write it out ... i am combating my own winter freeze feeling claustrophobic on the best of days funk ~ but i have me some love left over, sending it your way, xo

paris parfait said...

Oh darling - spring is just around the corner and better days ahead. If you and Dave could stand the company, I will try to come see you when I'm in San Fran in May. Tried to email you about it, but it bounced back. So sorry about the adorable TK's broken leg. Luckily, children are very resilient and heal quickly. Still, I know it must be so difficult to be apart and housebound! That's the way I felt during Dec.-Jan.'s long bout with bronchitis - sick of being indoors! You are in my thoughts, dear heart. xoxox

Lucy said...

hey Tam! I am running right over and bringing my scissors and haircolor! No snow too high! I hope that funk fades soon and poor Tk will heal Quickly like little cutie pies usually do! Hang in there beautiful lady! xoxoxo

Lippy said...

Well you're a lucky gal, but you're also a human gal (albeit a great one) so I know that a funk can get hold of the best of 'em. Hang in there, things will get back to normal and that Muse will come a-singin'.

(formerly Stupid Jimmy)

Pam said...

Hang in there sweetie, spring is on the way and as the days warm neighbors will appear outside their homes. The next thing you know, they'll be over admiring your gardens and new friends will be made.

Sorry about little TK, but kids heal almost overnight. But that's no help, you want to hug him now.

Let's get our mojo going, girl! Love you!

Sky said...

i truly understand, tammy. my relocation was indeed a challenge. i use email and the phone to stay in touch with my friends and family since i am on one coast and they another. except for one girlfriend i adore the only friends i have on this coast are really quite casual, people i meet for lunch every now and then. it has been a challenge indeed. but i love the land here, the pacific northwest, the beauty and wildlife, the huge firs and the beautiful Sound. i love the life we have here. that keeps me content. i read, watch a bit of tv, but spend some part of each day online exploring and learning, reading, researching, or playing bridge or canasta with people from all over the world. in spring and summer i will be outside again, will be having picnics by the lake, feeding the ducks, bird watching, admiring our gardens, reading in the sun, pulling weeds. the sunshine will bring new joys.

becca said...

Hey, Tammy, I hope you're feeling better :) Winter is horrible for all of us, and I think it gets worse as we get older. And I know you want to be with that cute litte boy after his accident. But
you've been through some major changes, so take it easy on yourself. Soon the sun will be shining!

Love and hugs xoxoxo

tinker said...

Oh no! I'm so sorry - but so glad it wasn't any worse...He looks so adorable with those stockings on - and even in his cast up above. Wishing him quick healing. I'm glad, that you're feeling better (from what I gathered in the post above).
Wishing you and your family lots and lots of love and laughter~XOXO