Wednesday, July 02, 2008

3WW ~ Fiction

She lay in the dark unable to sleep. The bed seemed cold as the other side remained empty, untouched. She turned on her side watching the clock change into meaningless minutes. How many nights had she lost sleep, terrified he was dead in a ditch or in the arms of another. Sadly she no longer cared where he was or even if he was hurt. The love she once felt had poured from her body with her tears of hopelessness. She was empty, moving through each day giving to everyone but herself.

The questions that rattled around in her head in these quiet moments had answers. In the light of day the answers became blurred as she dressed the kids for daycare. He had slithered home before day break, into another room, hiding his leftover high. Indifferent to a new day of family and job responsibilities he ignored the lives living around him. She would drown out her cries for help by pushing it aside with work.

He had emotionally beat her down with his addiction. Sucking her in deeper by telling her no one would want her, she was ugly and fat. She thought she could save him from self destruction despite his cruelty. When she had thought he had changed she became hopeful. In those months she had seen the reasons she had fallen for him and naively became pregnant each time. Thinking the love of a family could be stronger than addiction. Her shame kept her down as she looked into her babies eye's. What had she done.

It was a beautiful soul that saw her pain and convinced her of her worth. He was a married man that she could never have and yet he taught her that she deserved love. He reached out out to her despite his own pain. It was not about physical closeness but about two hurting people being there for each other. He helped her see herself as he saw her and she grew stronger. It was an affair that was brief and could never be more. There was not an ounce of regret but instead a grateful clear heart. She finally had the courage to leave her husband and begin a new life.

Telling her husband she was leaving him was easy once she had made up her mind. When he saw her eye's he knew all feeling for him was gone but he could not accept it. In desperation he tried everything he could think of to keep his family together. Promises, more counseling and even flowers did not come close to erasing the scars. He just wanted one good reason why she would tear their family apart. She had left him in her heart long ago and she was done with explanations falling on deaf ears.

It was a long hard road to becoming a liberated woman. What amazed her was how easy it was to lose herself so completely in a relationship. It was not just about her youth or immaturity but about needing to be loved. She saw a pattern of dependency in her search. If it was not a man, it was as a mother and even her job. Forever watchful, she remains true to herself. Allowing relationships to enhance her life not consume it like an addiction.

http://notforyousweete.deviantart.com/art/I-can-t-do-this-anymore-77925966 Photo
http://threewordwednesday.wordpress.com/ Indifferent - Pour - Reason (Fiction)

15 comments:

Brian said...

((((Tammy))))

Very moving and all too true story. Love the affirmation at the end.

TC said...

Aww, nice story this week. Good for her!

daisies said...

your fiction gives me chills!! wonderfully written honey, xo

pia said...

You hit an essential truth. We all need to be loved. Beautiful story

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

I think I know that person. Beautiful and real. You are so good at this you know.
I am sooo proud of my little Sweetie Warrior! It makes me smile everytime I look at it.

Joyce said...

Thank you, Tammy, for stopping by my first 3WW.

I admire your fiction (I haven't tried writing fiction yet.).

I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.

paisley said...

being very much the emotional addict in a relationship,, i feel i need to stay out of one to stay sane,, and or in charge... but i must admit... alone has its drawbacks too......

this was very well written... i could feel it,, not just hear the words....

lissa said...

quite realistic, you describe her reasoning to love and leave so well

tumblewords said...

Wow! Well done...this rings so true - not a glitch...

anthonynorth said...

A powerful story that tells a great truth.

Daily Panic said...

Addiction takes root in too many families. Wanted by one and unwanted by all it affects. Strength is required by all to get through it.
This is powerful writing. I know it came from your heart.

happy 3WW and have a great 4th!

Remiman said...

Tammy,
I'm glad she found her worth and moved on, so many don't.
rel

paris parfait said...

Many women could identify with this story that you tell so well, Tammy. Big hugs. xoxox

tinker said...

Very insightful, Tammy - so many people fall into that trap of 'needing to be loved' at any cost, and unfortunately, never find their way out...I'm glad your heroine's story had a happy ending!
xoxo

fearfullymade said...

I love the twist that in trying to help her man fight his addiction she had been feeding hers.