Sunday, August 23, 2009

Sunday Scribblings - Adult

Click if you want to read
When this article was printed in 1996 I was a single mom facing death. Preparing my girls to live without a mom was a horrible fact of life. I had little time and help to make how to videos because they needed survival skills that had not yet been taught, now. I made it my mission to give them a crash course on daily living. Many of the things I taught them they learned by doing because of my limitations. They could clean, make out checks, laundry, grocery shop, pump gas, banking and cooking all while entering puberty.

This was a scary, frustrating and hard time for all three of us. As the time kept passing and with me still living I added help. We had a yard guy, housekeeper and a very good neighbor to help take away some of their responsibilities and mine. In high school I bought our first home and the kids were allowed to be kids. We traveled with my 401K money and made it work.

I always said if these girls don't kill me, ALS doesn't stand a chance. Hormones flowed through our home like flood waters. I'm happy to say we all three survived ALS but not without collateral damage.


My girls both are adults now and one has a child. I see what growing up under the cloud of ALS has changed who they have become. They have anger toward me at the lost innocence of their childhood but I know it's anger at ALS. They are terrified of losing anyone they love and their own mortality. They want me close but I moved two hours away for us all. They are my caregivers when they visit but by choice. I think in a way they miss what we had. They are adults now and I'm beginning to see myself in them as they struggle through. Fragile but not living in a fantasy world. I think they will be okay. I'm sorry my babies but mamas sticking around. ;)


18 comments:

Lucy said...

as i told u on FB.. this really gives me chills and I think u did the right thing.. trying to prepare them to handle life on their own.. So happy they didn't have to!
I am so sure your babies are super happy that their mama is still fighting the good fight! big hugs xox

Remiman said...

Tammy,
I love that picture!
Yes you taught your girls the most important lessons of being an adult; take responsibility for yourself and carry on. They have an incredible example of what can be accomplished if you do just that.
rel

quin browne said...

thank you for this.. i'm a cancer survivor, and often worried about how my kids would do without me.. preparing them was difficult. lucky for both of us, we are still here.

Tabor said...

I also saw this post on FB and was stunned by how true it is and by how many mothers face this. As you may remember my niece and nephew were just turning into teenagers when they lost their mother to cancer. They had their Dad, but it was an awful time. I live on the other side of the country and could not be a big a help as I had hoped.

forgetfulone said...

I, too, read the article on facebook, and I'm so glad you shared it, and so glad that they have grown into responsible adults because of things you taught them long ago. And you are an amazing survivor and fighter!

anthonynorth said...

This really hits home for me and reminds me of my past. I lost my mother to cancer when i was 12, and it is such a difficult road. You did right to prepare them. There was no such understanding in the mid-60s.

Nancy said...

Yowza yowza...the article and your entry itself was difficult to read. I mean, it's so damn bittersweet. Bitter because, well, lots of reasons...and sweet as sweet can be because you are still here, my friend. And I love you to pieces. I hope you always know that.

Nance

Nancy said...

PS.
Your girls are very beautiful and you look magnificent in that photo!

Mary Timme said...

And that you are sticking around is the best gift of all.

I've tried to tell both of my children to get any emotional work they need to do with the two of us done before we die. Life is never something we get out of alive! You've just had a disease that makes living, and particularly, living well, a lot harder for everyone.

I think we are who we are. No one lived the perfect life and no one ever will during our lives on earth. But then we will.

You and your girls are all lovely.

Stan Ski said...

Now I know I'm no adult - wonderful post!

Dee Martin said...

You are one awesome lady!

2cats said...

I believe that it took a lot of courage for you to prepare your girls. You first has to accept the need to prepare them, that is the hard part.

TJ said...

If they only could have seen down the road...you are such a pillar! I love you! Hugs TJ

Tinker said...

Oh wow! Read the article - and your post, and it makes me tear up to think of what all three of you must have gone through, through all those years (and with two girls myself, I know what it's like under 'normal' circumstances to have all those hormones - I can just imagine what the added stress and early responsibilities, etc - must have been like in that mix). You are amazing - and so are they. I bet they feel blessed to have you in their lives.
What a beautiful photo of you and your girls, Tammy - you all look gorgeous! XOXO

Geraldine said...

I think your girls are very lucky to have you for a mom. The pain, the anger, the hurt and what could have been...it's all small compared to what you did share and still do. Beautiful, touching post Tammy. What a beauty you are, love this photo!

turquoise cro said...

What beauties you gals are! YOU are one strong mama Tammy! What an inspiration YOU are! ((((((Tammy))))) I LOVE hugging YOU!hehe

Rinkly Rimes said...

What a moving blog. I admire your phrase 'I have a disease but the disease doesn't have me'. The girls are beautiful.

linda may said...

You are a very special person and you should be so proud of your achievments and your mothering skills. Your girls are beautiful and nobody, could come through a time like that without scars but you did so well handling it all. I used to work in a hospital so I have seen this disease.