Monday, April 16, 2007

One Deep Breath - E=mc2 "Energy"

I wanted to challenge myself with a haibun this week. The theme this week is "Energy" and since we are preparing to sell our home, we are surrounded by energy.

Haibun
1) a brevity and conciseness of haiku
2) a deliberately ambiguous use of certain particles and verb forms in places where the conjunction 'and' would be used in English
3) a dependence on imagery
4) the writer's detachment
Bruce Ross
"Expect direct, concrete, economical imagery, infused with life and energy and eschewing abstraction and intellect. The editors refer to ‘sensibility and revelation rather than narrative and disclosure’."
Ken Jones
"Haibun prose is to be light handed, elusive, open-ended, playful and even ironic. "

Paul Conneally
"The haiku ... should link to the prose but is not a direct carry on from the prose telling some of what has already been said - no - it should lead us on - let our mind want for more, start traveling."

I probably did not nail it, but I got so confused. I had to try one. LOL


Summer Move

They began to set the stage in early spring. The peony blooms reminded them of new beginnings, with much work yet to be done. Weekends became drudgery as the facade was created to bring in the crowds. Watching memories of happy times, boxed up for the big production.

Heart in a box
fragile
not for sale.

Looking around at every prop in its place, it no longer looked like home. No newspapers lying by the chair with an old coffee cup half full. No glasses or books resting askew by the bed. The cat searching for her carefully hidden litter box, confused with attitude. Dog toys have been slyly hidden away. This is now a home missing a heart.

Sell fast
this coldness
feels fake.

The show will make them squirm in their seat but as the curtain closes they will rise up. Leaving to give a home their heart.

25 comments:

Tinker said...

Wowza!
Yep - your pen would definitely be mightier than a samarai sword (if you haven't already - read my comments on your last post). XOXO

Jone said...

Nailed it. Lovely job, Tammy. May the tranisiton go smoothly.

susanlavonne said...

I'd say you MORE than nailed it, Tammy! Fantastic descriptions in both your poetry and prose...and wishing you ENERGY and comfort for the transition. xo

Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

It's hard to turn one's home into a commodity to sell ... may it be a quick process for you.

Wonderful poetry, great job!! Much peace, JP

Pam said...

Beautifully done. I feel the sadness and loss, but a new home awaits your touch and love.

I love you, Robin

wrdup said...

Beautiful Poetry...great JOB!

Star said...

I think you did a great job! I just love "heart in a box." I can see you're channeling your energy into some good avenues.

Crafty Green Poet said...

This is beautifully written, prose and haiku. I hope the move goes smoothly and I hope the cat finds her litter tray....

Brian said...

Such sadness in the poem. I can feel your walls, your detachment to the home, no longer home, just soon to be someone else's house.

(((((hugs))))

Colorsonmymind said...

I like them-
beautiful photo too sweetheart.
XO

Sandy said...

I think you did just fine. Best of luck with the sale, and I hope you are comfortably settled into your new home soon.

Marcia said...

I felt it, have lived it. Your heart goes with you, and you nailed that in the last words. I loved this.

Colorful Prose said...

It was really beautiful how the short lines mingled so well with the longer descriptions. I might just have to try one of those, too...If I can just figure out how. Thanks for the indications above.

TJ said...

Hummmmmmmm I have much to learn from you my friend. Haibun ???
Oh the move...please make it swift and painless!!
Hugs
TJ

Regina Clare Jane said...

I got confused too, by those definitions, but I think you did a wonderful job with a subject that is usually very emotional. I hope the house sells quickly and you can find yourself in a home again with newspapers and coffee...
xo

turquoise cro said...

Good Luck Sweetie and I LOVE your new profile pic!!! SWEET!!!!

gel said...

Hiya,
Good luck with the home sale!
Thx for teaching me about a new form of poetry. I've not heard of this. I think you nailed it fine! Tammy,
I adore the "heart in a box" one. It's how I feel now.

Becoming Amethyst said...

Tammy, I think you certainly nailed the traumatising emotions evoked by moving house even as a positive change. Good luck with your move :-)

megan said...

You make it real for your reader. High praise.

Angela Marie said...

Hey! Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment! lol!

Your blog is cool! Im sitting here listening to your tune! I love this song... what a way to start the day!

Your profile pic is neat! Beautiful flower..

Your moving.. I remember doing this too. You have explained it perfectly!

Jolene said...

It is strange to look around and see all those familiar pictures gone, your home is now a show case but soon you'll be in your dream house with all your comfortable belongings and you'll be happy.

Hugs,
Jolene

Clare said...

Lovely springtimey bright photo :)

And I love the shortness of the haibun-much said in few words.

Good luck with the move!

daisies said...

your talent never ceases to amaze me!! wonderfully done. sending you warm thoughts and lots of luck with all things moving :)

Remiman said...

Tammy,
I think this illustrates both the beauty and intent of a haibun perfectly. The ambivilance of leaving a "home" and moving to a new "house" is clearly outlined here.
rel

paris parfait said...

Love it! Great work, Tammy. xo