Saturday, July 21, 2007

Sunday Scribblings - "Wicked"

This is my married, 23yr old daughter, Michelle. When she hit 14 life became a roller coaster ride than neither of us will ever forget. We each remember those hormonal years differently but the mother and daughter issues will go down in family history. Was she wicked? Nah, just angry.

At 14 she joined the boys wrestling team because it brought her closer to her dad. He coached her high school team and he loved wrestling. Michelle was 4'11" and had an athletic body with 36D breasts, which was not the norm. This was not a popular choice of sport for her with her peers, teammates, opponents or MOM. Her anger started building from being teased, yelled at by dad and shunned by the girls. I caught the fallout and yet still had to keep her on the straight and narrow with rules. She took third at state in the woman's division but with her accomplishments came an aggressive nature with a potty mouth. Wicked? Nah, she was wanting acceptance.

Over time I became afraid of my daughter's temper. I never believed she would hurt me physically but she exhausted me by not accepting no and the boundaries of my illness. My kids don't remember me being healthy and grew up learning to be self-sufficient. They hated it and would often play the "Cinderella" sympathy card with anyone who would listen. I had a housekeeper and gardener so they didn't do much more than my generation. Their friends, however, had little to no responsibilities, so my kids felt over worked and under appreciated. Michelle wanted to be liked and do all the cool things, but me and my illness was holding her back. Wicked? Nah, to be expected.

Fast forward to a 23 year old married Michelle with many wonderful qualities. The anger is still there lurking beneath the surface. I'm still not able to relax around her completely due to her emotional outbursts, but she is my daughter and I love her. Last night she warned me that she MIGHT be pregnant and because I know her best, she was nervous to tell me. I did a fine job of letting her know what a blessing a life is and how could I be anything but happy. I did mention that until she knows she must not smoke anything. I had to be me or she would have asked if it was really me on the phone. lol Maybe it will soften her? To be really honest my first thought was I hoped she would have a daughter. Wicked? You betcha baby!

To be continued...





41 comments:

kate said...

We learn a lot about ourselves as well as our kids ... especially when they turn 14!! My son just turned 14, so I'm discovering this first hand.

It sounds as if you've got lots of love and respect between the two of you ... that is a gorgeous pic of two lovely women! You must be proud of her. And maybe, just maybe, having her own child will mellow her temper... as does age often.

Jennifer said...

You will have a child just like you....lol
I hope the story ends well!

Regina Clare Jane said...

I wonder sometimes at the grief I caused my own mother when I was younger but like a trooper, she accepted it like you have accepted your daughter Michelle- it's a mother thing!
That is a beautiful picture of you both!
xo

chiefbiscuit said...

You are a beautiful mother to your daughter, she is very blessed.

Paul said...

Good to hear things are a lot better and hope they improve a lot more. Maybe when your daughter is a parent, she'll understand better what you have to go through. I know I did.

Sky said...

I have a niece this could have been written about at one point in time. My own mother could have written some of this, too! I love this post! My mother used to tell me she hoped one day I had 10 kids, all just like me! I fooled her though...I had NONE! No one ever called me stupid. LOL

Nancy said...

I'm glad you posted about this...I wanted to know more about your daughter actually. My sister was very tough on my mom (in a different way perhaps than I, but was able to change, slowly, as the years went on.
Anyway, I'm too tired to say anything profound or helpful...so I'll just say...Let's hope it's a girl!
Love ya,
Nance

AnnieElf said...

Hah, Tammy. Let the battles begins. Revenge is a dish best served cold, yes?

paris parfait said...

Ah, the things parents must endure! And the growing pains of children/teens/young adults - it's exhausting for all concerned. You are a wise woman and a wise mom, Tammy. She's lucky to have you and I'm sure she knows that. Lovely photo of you together. xo

Crafty Green Poet said...

you're a very understanding Mum! Lovely photo of the two of you.

Tori said...

This is why I am terrified of being a parent...I am not sure that I have the endurance to do it!

You are amazing!!!

bella said...

You and Michelle look beautiful in that picture! Despite everything, I am positive that she loves you more than you know.
You are a beautiful and loving mother, my dear.
I cannot wait to read the rest of the story!
ps.. the song is just perfect.

DJPare said...

Nice post!
Something tells me that we probably aren't the only two who thought of that song for this prompt...

gautami tripathy said...

I too bet its a girl! Wicked..naah.

You two look so beautiful together. The love shines through.

TJ said...

Rolling on the floor I pull myself back up to my desk chair. I starighten my glasses and take a closer look at the photo and forget the humor. I see a mother -daughter that lean on each other in all the beauty that a relationship has to offer as well as the dark moments.
Love to you...TJ

AscenderRisesAbove said...

if she were not pregnant; she might want to take BAMM classes (bay area model mugging); less of a fighting for sport of it - more of a fighting to maintain boundaries, to keep the anger and to use it. literally life changing

Pam said...

Ah, the tale of mothers and daughters...a story without end. And well told.

emmapeelDallas said...

Ah, yes, mothers and daughters...great pic of song, btw...I look forward to hearing the rest...

J

Chris said...

Cute pic of you two. Hopefully, motherhood will mellow her anger issues out some.

Have a great weekend!
Chris
My Blog

Kamsin said...

Can't wait to hear how this next chapter of your daughter's life unfolds. She's blessed to have a Mom like you and I'm sure she'll make a great Mom too.

Rose Dewy Knickers said...

She sounds like a good person despite her emotions. I hope she knows what a great mother she has.

Rose

xo

Becca said...

It's scary to see that "wicked" side of our kids, I know. Here's hoping she mellows with age, as my son has, especially if parenthood is in the cards!

You are both so beautiful in that picture :)

Lucy said...

oh the mother/daughter relationship! Why didn't kids come with a manual? Or a replacement guarantee? Glad things are better. She certainly is wickedly lovely!

Marie said...

great take on wicked...What a beautiful circle of life you've depicted though...they do grow up...and the only appreciation or even glimpse of understanding will be when she has her own child...so, it's not too wicked.

Sandie said...

Great picture and story. I love the song!

Star said...

I can see that the anger is being tempered by your love. Hopefully the day will come (soon) when the two of you will be completely comfortable together.

giggles said...

Beautiful picture…who wouldn’t think it was a completely blissful mother daughter relationship! Oh the complexities of relationships! I chuckled at the ending…very genuine and well written!

Hugs Giggles

The Happy Hutter said...

Always love reading what you write my dear friend. You are not only gifted in the written word but also in the soul world.

pepektheassassin said...

14 was the age when each one of my boys did a total reversal from who they had been to the absolute opposite. My sweet little giggly middle child went from cowboy boots to combat boots and mohawks overnight. My outgoing, friendly kid became shy and bookish, my bookish, quiet kid became the life of the party...go figure. And the last two--well, that's another story.

THE BLUEST BUTTERFLY said...

Congratulations????

It sounds like you have a good grasp on how you feel about your daughter. I think that you have really tried to walk a mile in her shoes.

Pretty picture by the way.

tinker said...

What a lovely picture of the two of you, Tammy.
Oh 14! Fourteen was a wicked buggabear age with both my girls, and we didn't have nearly the challenges that you must have had to try to overcome with health issues on top of it all.
Thank heavens they've grown out of it all (mostly!) And you know what - I think those wishes do come true - I have two grandgirls, don't I! MWA-HA-ha-ha-ha!!!! xox

Jana B said...

OMW... I wonder if my mom wishes that on me????? lol

I was VERY much like your daughter, and my relationship with my mom is still very complicated... filled with guilt & anger. Getting WAY better with time though! This weekend was her birthday, and we had great discussions, wedding plans, etc... it was nice.

I'm glad you and your daughter seem to be healing together too!

Amber said...

LOL at that last bit! I will tell you, nothing has given me more compassion for my own mom, than being a mom myself. Maybe a little girl is just the ticket!

;)

acumamakiki said...

Sometimes I wonder why I was so desperate to have a daughter - LOL! I'm worried about the teen years...I was such a terror (a lot of anger, frustration and insecurity) that I pray my girl has better tools to get her through those years.

Can't wait to hear if you'll be a grandma again!!

LisaOceandreamer said...

This was a very open and very honest post. The Mother-Daughter relationship is a complex one - I hope with time, maturity and perhaps even motherhood on her part that she sees what you faced as a parent....and truly comes to appreciate you!
Hugs to you,
Lisa
XOXO

anni said...

you and your daughter are both beautiful.

Rach said...

Heartfelt reminisences. It's great to be reading your life again angel.
x

daisies said...

you are both so very beautiful ... my mom could have wrote parts of this about our relationship when i was young before i became a mom and my heart strengthened and my emotions softened ... you can feel the love in your words and it makes me smile :)

i see the anger in my son but we are talking in a way that i never did and now i know why my mom was hoping i would have a daughter, lol ... we are great and wonderful friends now and knowing that i dream of having a daughter, hmmmm or perhaps a grand-daughter ;-)

a wonderful post .. xox

Rethabile said...

Beautiful twosome you are. I also enjoyed your gladiola poem above. It hit me that gladiola sounds somewhat like gladiator, and that's you.

Rosa said...

haha, pay back! How very exciting!!

Kelly said...

I always love coming over here and catching up on your life. Your writing often moves me to tears and now I wonder if I will ever be able to be half the mom you are. Although maybe my princess will just skip the teen rebellious years?! LOL