Friday, April 18, 2008

Sunday Scribbling - Compose

She laid there in that hospital bed knowing her time had finally come. As she came in and out of the morphine fog she always felt him by her side, holding her hand, willing her to stay with him. They had been together for some fifty odd years, had two children and three grandchildren, all moved away. They had not shared a bedroom in years and since his retirement they seldom did anything fun. She had such dreams for they're retirement but his heart surgery, years ago, had changed the man she once knew. Once strong, fearless and fun was now unmotivated, fearful and a homebody.


She had never been sick, except a rare cold, her whole life. It had always been about taking care of her family and once they were grown she had felt alone. He spent his time in his recliner as he bobbed in and out of sleep in front of the TV, while she sat alone in her room reading and watching her game shows. She wondered why she just sat there watching her life drift by in the fast current of her twilight years.


She could hear his soothing words that seemed to echo in the room. She felt paralyzed because she could not comfort him with her words or through her eye's. Who will take care of him? What had she done by keeping his secret? She tried to tell her family about him but all that came out was a single tear. She loved this man and cherished the memories of a shared lifetime. She never thought she would go so fast. They had no will, she paid the bills, yet his fear never allowed him to accept her cancer so he remained in denial. She had pleaded to let the family know and put their affairs in order but he refused.


She knew when it was her time but in her drug haze she could not say goodbye. Her one last gift to him was of pure love as she composed herself to wait until he had left the room. He was never the same after that day but convinced his family he would be OK. They did their best to check in but he was a proud man and grew combative. He convinced them all.


He called 911 a year later after feeling ill. The paramedics found him on the floor of his kitchen. He was living in his home, as if homeless, dying of dehydration. He was malnourished and his house was in a shambles. His dementia was finally discovered as he passed in the ER with the depth of his secret kept.


This is my first piece of fiction and even though it is a sad tale, I'm stepping out of my comfort zone. It's a baby step due to the fact it is loosely based on my grandparents.

Photo by StockXpert/ Read other SS here http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/

34 comments:

emmapeelDallas said...

Wow, Tammy. Powerful words! Good writing!

Judi

Granny Smith said...

Good fictional start. Keep them coming!

kate smudges said...

That is a powerful story, Tammy.

khambagirl, www.yakattack.typepad.com said...

Hi Tammy,
This was so well written, and yes, very sad. :(

keith hillman said...

Gosh Tammy, that was such a sad and poignant tale.Please keep up the fiction, you are clearly a natural.

anthonynorth said...

Well it certainly seems confortable to me. If this is your first, you've had a very good start.

chiefbiscuit said...

Great writing! Honest and real and very sad without being sentimental.

bella said...

bravo in stepping in something new, writing fiction.
A powerful story. and well told. tender and seering.

TJ said...

I have watch through this last few years your stretching out with your writing. I am so happy to read as you write, I see growth and confidence. I always try to push myself..sometimes i feel foolish like a kid back in school but yet I am rewarded in a small way only a few can understand.
Great read...love it!
TJ

ian russell said...

I thought it very convincing, I wasn't prepared for the admission at the end about it being fictional. Keep going!

Jennifer Hicks said...

beautifully touching

GreenishLady said...

Oh, Tammy, that is a heartrending piece of writing, and it has an absolute feeling of being real and authentic. Well done on stepping out there! Wonderful writing, and not easy to do, I'm sure.

[On your comment on SoulCollage, some facilitators have worked with people who can't handle scissors for whatever reason, and they simply choose the image they want to have cut for them. If you have someone patient - Hi, Dave! - around who would do the cutting for you, you could still make cards. Or, some people make cards entirely digitally on their computers. I've never done this, but there are options there if it attracts you. Thanks for your interest.]

pepektheassassin said...

Nice work, m'dear! But yes, sad. Life is often like that. Hopefully the sad parts of our stories are also learning experiences.

Lilibeth said...

Makes me want to call home and check on Dad. Life is indeed precious.

Cheryl said...

Makes me morbidly hopeful that my father precedes my mother in death, because there's no way he could survive without her. I wonder about the lifelong power sharing or balancing of selfishness between that couple, or if she ever suspected his dementia.

Chris said...

Impressive, Tammy. Very impressive.

Just Jen said...

This is really really good. Everyone knows someone that they can relate to this story. I got teary eyed. You should write fiction more often!
I shared your comment that you left on my blog with my mom. The day before I wrote that she had said to me, your 35 jen, I'm moving away, deal with it...LOL
I'm going to miss her. :D

b said...

Well done. Fiction is a good thing. Reality just takes to much work.

b

Sherry/Cherie said...

Wonderful to step out of your comfort zone Tammy...fiction and life are often twined together and you've been able to draw on experience to convey emotion and anguish in beautifully descriptive prose.

Eileen said...

Tammy,
Your words are so powerful and moving. I say keep going with this, you really have a talent for writing. I love when you write about your own life, but stepping out of your comfort zone, into fiction is proof that you can write just about anything. Really....amazing writing....you have the gift! Keep going!
Thanks for sharing this with us.
XOXOXOX

Becca said...

Wow, Tammy. Part of me is glad that this is (mostly) fiction, because it sure is sad.

This piece shows a very different side of your creativity. I'd love to read more of this story...and any other stories you've got growing in there!

tumblewords said...

Terrific. Powerfully written story! You have talent!

rochambeau said...

Dear Tammy,
I come to wish you a happy birthday via Tinker.
Your story is a good one because it makes the reader think about why we should all step out and live life to the fullest!
Constance

Beatriz' suitcase contents said...

Very good piece. I was reminded while reading it of "A Spot of Bother" by Mark Haddon, a wonderful book that makes a small universe of a family in a conflict like that of your characters. He is successful on making you laugh at the situation while you still connect to the people and their sadness. Anyway, this is to say that I did enjoy your first fiction piece and you should do it again.

giggles said...

So powerful! I can only imagine how many people this has happened to! Excellent piece of writing! Good on you for stepping out of your box. Really good job, had me hanging on every word! Loved it!

Hugs Sherrie

AnnieElf said...

Dear Tammy,

I was just dropping in to say hello and oh such a powerful find. Well done.

Annie

Lucy said...

your blog always moves me ♥

Mary Timme said...

The ending is a kicker! I felt in it in my solar plexis! Ouch! dementia is a fearful thing. Very nicely done.

LN- Nickers and Ink said...

Nicely done. Penetrating and purposeful.

Blessings,
Linda
Nickers and Ink

ON GUARD, at Nickers and Ink

Tinker said...

Oh! So touching and so sad - but written so well, Tammy~xOx

forgetfulone said...

Very well-written. Moving and realistic.

Inland Empire Girl said...

Good for you for stepping out of your comfort zone. Fiction is scarier to me. I don't do it much. Love the beautiful flower on your blog header. It is always so soothing to come to your blog.

Remiman said...

Tammy,
If not before, this sends a message loud and clear: You are a talented writer!
rel

Just someone said...

brings tears... a great piece!