Monday, August 25, 2008

A Summer of Acceptance

What a beautiful break this has been. Dave had a wonderful birthday and a bountiful veggie garden. He grew all the goodies for homemade salsa and peach pie, among others. The apples and grapes will be here soon. His salmon Begonias have arrived in all their splendor, just as most of the garden is nearing its end. September will be full of visitors, along with a speech pathologist to help me "bank my voice." This software will eventually also type with my eye, using a laser, when my typing finger calls it a day. Right now I need to spend about 10hrs recording phrases in my voice for the future, like "you wanna fool around?" and "I love you."

I've been writing poetry when I should be editing my older stuff. Dave and my buddy Pam, aka Batman, had birthdays so I wrote them each a poem. I've chatted with many blog buddies on the phone, like the birthday girl Lucy, Nancy, Robbin, Pam and Annie. I have also enjoyed emails from Julie, AKA Star, and viewing Tara's wedding photos from Georgia. Robbin is handling her chemo like a warrior and Pam took a girls road trip in her new van to Maine. Her community had an ALS fundraiser so she could get a van. She is FREE! I've carried you all with me on my break and I'm anxious to return. I've read all of your post's on bloglines so I feel in the loop.

I will be taking a memoir writing course at after I've paid the repairs on the old house. The many writing courses are not cheap but they are taught by reputable writers, thanks Nina. Poetry classes must wait but I don't see why I can't practice here. ;) I bet you all thought I was vegging out here. ;)

I now do Facebook but I'm still quite the novice. I have also become more active on the site "PatientsLikeMe." I've learned through this site to lose my survivor's guilt and finally accept my ALS DX. I no longer feel like an outsider because I now have more knowledge and knowledge is power. I have had things explained by other patients in ways that not one doctor has even tried to explain in my 17yrs with ALS.

I'm still swimming without that TIGHT wetsuit, but now I'm giving swim lessons. Thighs appear larger in water, I swear! Those are my wetsuit booties with weights wrapped around my ankles. Nikki had no idea where she was headed. :)

Tammy with NO make-up and looking mighty happy.

Journey of Acceptance

One day it had finally sunk in
what I had to accept, and name,
though I fought not to settle
on Lou Gehrig’s
for I felt it never fit
though my body
knew the secret
and locked it deep within
my future’s hope chest.

I knew I had to unlock it
though a storm blew
with its dark clouds
at the center of my being,
even though time became
my safe harbor
a fear was forever lurking
in the thickening mist.

It had been too long
and a hard time
with pieces of debris
scattered on the shore.
But piece by piece,
as I gathered time’s knowledge,
the sun began to shine
through parting grey clouds,
and there came a resolve
which had a name
though it is not who I am,
but only a piece of me
as I walk along the shore
stronger in knowing.

By Tammy for Tammy

1 in 1000 will get ALS , please find a "Walk to Defeat ALS" in your community.


linda said...

it's so good to SEE you! and you look good...your poem made me count my blessings and realize every single second is is so easy for me to forget that in the blink of an eye, all could be so different...

you are such a warrior, and truly, an amazing person, one I am so blessed to have come to know just a little bit...I hope to come to know you a whole lot better! :)


daisies said...

how lovely to see you here and so glad you had such a beautifully rewarding break :) smooches beautiful, xo

paisley said...

i am so thrilled to hear from you... i have been wondering if i ought to email,, but decided a break should be a break,, and it sounds like you have really been making the most of yours...

as always a post filled with hope and motivation.. you are really something...

looking forward to seeing more from you when you feel the need to post... thanks for dropping in and keeping us posted!!!!

Lucy said...

Tammy!! What a Happy Monday Treat!
Your poem is beautiful! Dave's begonias are too and so are YOU even with out makeup!! Not too bad in that swimsuit Tam!
NIce RACk Mama!! (haha)
Banking your voice seems like amazing technology! I would love to know more about this laser Tam. Incredible!

I so enjoyed our chat! We have to do it again soon! sending big hugs xoxo

emmapeelDallas said...

I agree with Lucy. What a treat to have you back. I missed you, girlfriend. And you look beautiful, always, with or without makeup!



Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Well, I got Warrior Inspiration from the truest one I know...YOU!
Thanks for that.

Andi said...

Joyful faces in photos - made my day! Thank you.

Nancy said...

I love you.

Genuine Gem said...

glad to see you back! Good for you and knowledge is power! You look like you're doing GREAT!

Star said...

So, you're emerging from your summer respite, ready to take on the blog once more :)

As usual, my comment was running on and on, so I'll paste it into an e-mail instead. Welcome back!

Mary Timme said...

Hi Tammy,
So good to hear from you in a post. I'm so glad you shared the poem as I fight in a battle that I think is against myself of an emotional kind and find myself at odds with what is. Acceptance of what is and yet knowing that isn't the only defining parameter of whom you are is a wonderful thing. You always impress me with your 'beyond survival and into full life' attitude.

Joyce Ellen Davis said...

Wonderful post!

...and there came a resolve
which had a name
though it is not who I am,
but only a piece of me....

Beautiful. Great pics.

turquoise cro said...

O! Tammy! Dave's salmon begonias are Beauty Full and YOU are going to have GRAPES!!!!!! I LOVE grapes and hope to have a vine myself one day! My friend planted one and I think she has 5 grapes!!! LOL She told me I could eat every one of them!!! Phew! Nikki LOOKS sooOOOo bewildered in his life jacket but O! soOOOo adorable!!! YOU are a BEAUTY! I'm glad YOU found that Patients site! Love and prayers, Cinda

turquoise cro said...

oooOOppPPs! Sorry, my mistake Miss Nikki! ^..^

Geraldine said...

So good to see a post here Tammy! Your beautiful poetry touched my heart. Great to hear of all your positive progress and creative pursuits in the past few weeks and to come. Do stop by when you can, missed ya!!!

Big hugs to you and Dave, G

tinker said...

Hey Tammy!! Glad you've been having a good summer. That is so cool about the voice recordings and new technology, though I hope and pray that won't be needed for a very long time to come.
It's so great to see you back again - I think you and Nikki look fabulous in your red suits!


You are such a trooper in everything. :-)

TJ said...

A masque is something you never need. I love your natural photos, writing and your endevors.
Your friend..TJ

Annie said...

Hi Tammy. Love how productive you have been on your break. I'm still braking and loving it. Nikki looks very content and secure tucked under mommy's arm. Hugs, Annie

Pam said...

What a beautiful post, my dear friend. And welcome back. As you know, I'm kind of here, gone and back again when it comes to posting these days. It's nice to have you here to read, you are always such an inspiration.

There are many ALS walks going on around me, but none close enough for me to join. Too bad, I would love to.

Oh my God, is it peach pie season already?

JP/deb said...

What a beautiful poem - for you, by you - honor yourself with the gift of your own creativity, babe!

You are stronger in knowledge, beautiful in life and wise through experience.

Peace & love,

Crafty Green Poet said...

Glad you had such a productive break. You look great enjoying the water!

rebecca said...

hello my sweet. how wonderful to come to your site today and see pictures of you looking beautiful as ever. your words, your journey, your strength is a light of hope and strength in my life as well. you touch so many of us with your spirit.

love and hugs,

Amber said...

...Everything about you is so beautiful.


Gill said...

So nice to see a post up on your blog Tammy. Sounds like you have had a very productive Summer! As always your post leaves me filled with awe at your strength, and inspired by your courage and resourcefulness.

Kay said...

Hi Tams! I've missed you - glad to have you as a friend on Facebook too - I will be visitng my page there soon and send you a message there as well. Love and blessings from me, your friend on the underside!!! :)

anno said...

Hi Tammy! Sounds like a wonderful summer break!Like Amber said, everything about you is so beautiful.

Hope you enjoy those writing classes!

Sky said...

busy, busy, busy and so many things on your "to do" list! i feel so lazy by comparison. i must move my butt a little, too! love that you are enjoying your pool with the precious pup.

your strength inspires me. thanks for being such a good teacher and role model. :)

Tabor said...

Forget the thighs...I want that tummy!

Andi said...

I have given you a blog award here - Thank you for your writing.

Inland Empire Girl said...

It was nice to check in and find things going so well. I commend you for taking the memoir writing course. I want to look into doing something like that. The begonias are just gorgeous. Have a great week. I begin my 31ST!! year of teaching tomorrow and I am pretty darn excited.

Geraldine said...

Just stopping in to say Hi and send a big hug your way. Hope you have a good day Tammy! Thinking of you....

paris parfait said...

So glad to see you writing again, you beautiful, brave, poet! xoxox

one more believer said...

hello tammy, love yr awakening poem... a stronger tammy... walking along the shore... is there anything better than that!!!... sounds like you've been busy... good to hear from you... we've all been sorta waiting...

one more believer said...

hello tammy, love yr awakening poem... a stronger tammy... walking along the shore... is there anything better than that!!!... sounds like you've been busy... good to hear from you... we've all been sorta waiting...

Nita Jo said...

Beautiful poem... I can relate so much to it, especially that last paragraph.

The pictures are wonderful. Even your eyes are smiling! I need to get myself back into some activity too... We all need those things that keep us smiling from the inside out!

Nita Jo