Sunday Scribbling - "Deepest,darkest"

This picture really represents my deepest and darkest fears. A stairway to tomorrow that I take one step at a time. I know what they say is through that door for me, but I have chosen to live my life with hope, not giving up my power. It has worked for me thus far, but there are flashes of my future that torture my mind. Will my spirit continue to fight as I slowly become more imprisoned in this body?

I am a women who wants to be desired in the most intimate of ways. I want to touch, kiss with passion and hug with ferocity. Will our sensual spirits be lost, as my partner tends to my needs? Will he feel passion rise as my leg brushes against his in the darkness? Or will he move away ever so slightly, afraid to hurt me? Will I remain beautiful to my partner, stuck in slow motion in a constant state of dishevelment, with no make-up and sweats? Yes, he made the choice, but how can we really know how we will respond, as its ugliness creeps into our lives. Will my spirit be enough to keep that look in his eye's?

I started life as a doormat but rose up from the ashes, taking back my power. I became an independent woman with many success's. I'm proud of myself and life has been very good. How can I return to a life with no voice? Will I accept graciously a caregiver attending my grooming and intimate needs? Left with choices made for me, not by me. Will I suffer in the end because of not being able to explain what my body needs? Will I be able to chose when I'm done? Can my spirit express what's inside and be heard?

These are my two deepest and darkest fears. I'm not afraid of dying but I'm afraid of losing me. I will never be alone in my fight and I know I'll always be loved, but dying can't be shared. While I keep my hope for a cure alive, I also prey I accept what ever is behind that door with dignity and grace. I'm a human being and a woman just fighting back my fears with whatever works!

To see other creative writing visit Sunday Scribblings at http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/

Create a Connection

Melba was hosting Photo Thursday-Living Space so here is my 1200ft doll house that goes up for sale at the end of April. I must get my decorating juices flowing for our new home.

Jana hosted "Getting to Know You" this month and I think she did a great job! So here it goes ;

I'm eating a leftover hamburger (w/mayo, on wheat bread) and sautéd zucchini as I type this. What did YOU eat last? I ate pork chops and mac & cheese. Since hubby had a stay at home mom and now must do all the cooking, he was horrified mac and cheese came in a box. lol He ate two helpings!
I am totally head-over-heels for a very tall man named James, who has a very sexy new haircut (picked out by me, of course! lol) What about YOUR love life? Anyone special? Tell us about him/her! I met my Dave 3 1/2 yrs ago on an online dating service. He researched my illness, knew what he was facing and had the courage to forge ahead. He's an outdoors man, carpenter, poet, romantic and has a passion for me and gardening :) We married on a beach in Kauai at sunset, blessed with a double rainbow.
I live in a little house, with lots of trees, on a dead-end street. What is it like where you live? I have shown you my current house so I'll share my new one. It's in the mountains near a lake and it's surrounded by gardens. Flowers in the front with veggies and fruit in the back ;)
I love my hair, and my cute wittle nose. What are YOUR favorite features about yourself? I still have great legs for 5ft 1" and I have pretty hazel eyes.
Today, I pondered about the need for mentoring in young women's lives. What deep thoughts have YOU been pondering upon? My deep thoughts tend to veer toward my care at the different stages of my illness and affordability of home care. I do not need my loved ones taking care of my intimate needs. Wiping someones butt can kill a sex life :)
I love cheese (cubed Colby & monterey jack) and green growing things! List 2 random things you love about life: I love animals and babies. That's so cliche' but true.
I found CAC through Melba, who I found through A Mindful Life, which I stumbled on by doing a random search for Buddhist blogs, for no apparent reason! How did YOU find out about CAC? Through one of my favorite bloggers, Deb at Red Shoes Rambling.
I absolutely *heart* thunderstorms! What do YOU love most about spring? Bulbs because they bring color to my life and my husband gets child like with each new flower. He has well over 300 bulbs.

Visit Create a connection at http://www.bealivebelievebeyou.com/create/ and meet some new bloggers.

Poetry Thursday - "Artwork Inspiration"

Rapheal La Fornarina 1518-1519

We were asked to try stepping inside a work of art and writing from that perspective.


The Baker's daughter

I see his desire burning into my body

with each glance and brush stroke.

I hold the power in a coy look and pose

showing him the pleasure he seeks.

I'm so much more than a mistress

as I tease his deepest desires.

A baker's daughter, living a secret

a double life, all my own.

I wear a band bearing my lover's name

a token of his adoration, but love?

His one true love is his painting's

and so I will be.

I'm the image of a real woman

captured forever on canvas

as his true love.

To see other art perspectives go here

TK WALKING

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

My grandson TK is walking! (Click play button) Notice him holding my unsteady leg and the horrible bribery and whistling :) I was at my girl's house for their first BBQ and I was actually holding the camera. Not too shabby!

Thinking Blogger Award Goes to....

Becca of http://beccasbyline.blogspot.com/2007/03/food-for-thought.html "tagged" me with the "Thinking Blogger" award. She received the award...dah and had to name five other blogs that gave her food for thought. I'm very honored and humbled to have given her food for thought. Now I must choose five blogs that give me flavorful, spicy, comforting, food for thought. This is very difficult since she would have been on my list, but alas she has already been "tagged." Congrats Becca and thank you!

Five blogs out of the many I love to read is a tough one. Many have made me think and inspired me. If the five I have chosen want to play the rules are at the end.

1. Amber at http://believingsoul.blogspot.com/index.html has a no non-sense approach to life. She has been through hell and back, yet continues on with heart. She is a wonderful writer who can always make you laugh. She has a beautiful young family that she nurtures while working on her own growth. You Rock!

2. Darlene at http://www.pluckthepetal.com/blackdaisies/ is a very strong gal that inspires me with every post. She is an amazing writer, painter and photographer that has shared her journey over the past year, of the loss of her twin boys. She is a young gal that inspires me to get out of bed each day with hope in my heart. You go girl!

3. Pam at http://capeandtights.blogspot.com/index.html is my fellow warrior in the fight against ALS that tries to ravage our bodies but never our spirit. Her digital art and poetry expresses her love of the globe. We hold each other up daily as she attempts to get me to eat better. We are Batman & Robin the dynamic duo.

4. Maureen at http://maureensphotoblog.blogspot.com/index.html is the most amazing photographer and poet. She loves animals and has an 18yr old Retriever named Sam. He looks like my Manny dog. She inspires me to keep my camera close and my faith closer.

5. Left Handed Trees at http://cdeliascarpitti.blogspot.com/ is a new blog for me but this gal can write about the weather and blow my mind! We will see her novel at the book store for sure! She does this and more while being a mommy of three. I can't wait to be a better writer from just reading about her day.

To play along, think of five bloggers that provide you with some flavorful, spicy, comforting, food for thought, and then follow these rules:

Write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.
Link to the original post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme. (http://www.thethinkingblog.com/2007/02/thinking-blogger-awards_11.html)
Optional: Proudly display your 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn't fit your blog).

One Deep Breath - "Short & Sweet" One Line Poetry

My one line poetry was inspired by an unexpected snow fall. This photo is from this morning :(

Spring blossoms cut down in winter's last hurrah.

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Translucent pearls adorning morning petals.

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Fallen Daffodils will awaken the thaw.

Self Portrait Challenge - "Online Tools" Mosaic

This is thousands of tiny pictures that have been put together to create my photo. If you click on it you may be able to see the tiny images, if not, I screwed it up. You get the gist :)

Mosaic generator can be found here http://imagemosaicgenerator.click42.com/?
See more SPC shots here http://selfportraitchallenge.net/