Wednesday, April 28, 2010

3WW- Depart, Ignite, Rotten


the daffodils

bow to springs last storm

and are waiting

for the sun to ignite.

All day

in my warm and cozy impatience

of our long winter

I'm watching them,

green stalks bending

heads laying down,

their petals

swaddled like a babe

learning to trust,

lying on the ground.

I have only one thought

when will the sun arrive.

I wish for them

to rise

the snow to depart

like a phoenix rising up

through rotten ashes


the rebirth.

Northern CA is having a very long winter. I wrote this while drinking my coffee this morning, watching my daffodils through a light snow.

Monday, April 26, 2010

One Single Expression - Fissures

nurturing woman
tending springs promise
weathered fissures hold strong
A Cinquain by Tammy

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Sunday Scribblings - Dinner

When I met Dave he had been a 13yr bachelor that disliked cooking. Spaghetti, his fresh caught fish, frozen dinners and beef roast over rice was about it. When it was nice out on a weekend he would get distracted and coffee was all he ate until dinner. Let's just say eating and cooking are chores to Dave.

Saying "I do" six years ago spoke volumes about his love and bravery. I'm thinking his love blinders painted a marriage picture that was romantic and doable but not very close to reality. This is where the high maintenance, disabled wife shatters his cloudy reality. We had both been in control of our own domains for 13yrs before coming together. Neither liked being "asked nicely" or as Dave says "told what to do." Men and women just hear differently.

Making dinner was made, in the beginning, together as a team. All kissy face and eager to please, so I took advantage of that time to teach him cooking 101. That time ended somewhere in the last six years into a battle of wills. He grocery shops so he thought he could slide back into a hasty, cook on the fly routine. I felt I needed to just be grateful, yeah, that lasted about 10 minutes.

I'm a list maker, he is not. I plan meals, he does not. I need variety, he does not. I had to approach this delicately. I made a list of planned meals but over time he got frustrated with my illegible writing and he wrote my list. ;) Then I'd find recipes and figure out how to add veggies and make short cuts. Anything with over 20min prep was a big no no.

In the early stages of my on the sly training I ate anything he made. I said yum even if I wanted to gag because the teaspoon/tablespoon thing took awhile to catch on. He now can handle "advice" on forgotten ingredients but god forbid if I go in the kitchen to verbally help. That's being bossy which I have discovered is how he take most "advice."

I'm happy to report we have developed quite the repertoire of easy dishes and frozen dinners are a rarity but he still dislikes the whole shopping/cooking thing. He is more confident in the kitchen and on the grill. That's a win win in my book.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Sunday Scribblings - Wonder

I can't believe I took such a long blogging hiatus. I was sucked in to the ease and fun of Facebook. Many of you are there but I have missed many others. Not to mention being creative with poetry and journaling.

Wonder is an emotional feeling of awe for me. This winter I saw such bad behavior in people I love, the recession steal our retirement away and the loss of a dear friend to ALS. The wonder is not disappointment, shock or extreme grief, but of wonder on what came from it all.

The people I love I have chosen to love and I will not change them. I simply put new boundaries in place that will keep drama at a minimum. I feel like my journey has given me a 6th sense to stay focused on the wonderful gift of being loved and here.

When I see this man I wonder how he does so much with a smile and patience. He retired at 50 to be with me, but instead he now takes care of me, the house and is a full time custodian job to keep up with two mortgages. The housing market is still really bad here. He worries about my isolation and health but keeps being positive. He is extending the deck for a hot tub so I can have warm water workouts. He fills me with wonder everyday.

With the sudden passing of my dear friend Pam aka Batman, to my Robin, I was saddened and filled with wonder at the same time. She left this world on her terms and peacefully. I have let go of fears about death but it was a huge wake up call. I wondered why her and not me? Why I have lived 19yrs and can still walk when most live only 2-5yrs? My purpose became clear in my grief or Pam whispered in my ear, educate! I HATE fundraising and I'm frustrated with how many people don't even know what ALS is. I came up with "Educate it Forward." One person educates another about ALS and that person shares it forward. We have Croatia, New Zealand, Australia, Singapore, Philippines, London, Paris, Canada and the USA on board. Info is in my profile.

It's a wonder how much good can come from bad.