Friday, June 30, 2006

I'm Escaping from the Chaos :)

Here we go again! Daughter number one has decided to join daughter number 2 in the joys of marital bliss. This is where having daughters gets interesting. She wants to get married in our backyard at sunrise. I don't think Michelle and her man have ever seen a sunrise! They are night owls, I can just see myself nudging Shell awake to say " I do." Dave is planning the yard beautification, I get the preacher and dress shopping. Not too awful, except I have to let "my ex from hell" in my house...Yuk! I promised to be nice...bwahaaa! I got two months notice, what's up with that? Retirement wisk us away!!!!!!!!!!!!
My little man turned 6 months yesterday. He usually comes over on Thursdays and hangs out from about 2pm-11pm. Dave calls it TK Thursday :) He's almost crawling and rolls everywhere like those hampster balls. I give him his bottles and hold him for his sweet potatoes. I seem to wear more than he eats because I'm not strong enough to hold his hands down. He laughs out loud now, it makes my eyes water, and we all end up laughing. All four of us laid on the bed to watch "So you Think You Can Dance", including TK. Yep, he is sadly already hooked on TV. His mom has a cable channel at her house geared for 6 months to 3 year old kids. Can you believe that one? He's been to see "Over The Hedge" at the movies and watched the whole movie. I'm sorry, but that's a bit odd at 5 months old. I did not say one word, okay maybe just a few little ones.
My dad came out to meet his first great grandson. We all went out to dinner and then Dave and the kids bowled a few games. Tk was happy and mellow, slept in a horribly loud bowling alley and never cried. My dad was impressed and thrilled with little TK. How cool to watch your dad hold and kiss your grandson? My dad is not even 70 yet.
We are going to be painting at the new house until the 4th, so have a safe holiday everyone :)

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Poetry Thursday- My Reflection

The prompt this week is to write a poem using a line you hear a lot or a line you use over and over. I'm 44 and I hear about wrinkles and aging quite a bit at the gym. Plastic surgery vs la natural and botox. I always respond by saying, I like my wrinkles because they remind me to embrace my journey. When I look at my face each day in the mirror It reminds me how lucky I have been. So I wrote a poem about my face :)

My Reflection

As I gaze into my reflection each day
my eyes illuminate a live fully lived.
The green remains bright as leaves
on a fading flower, hoping
a new season of bloom
will come again.

I see lines that have appeared in time
revealing smiles and laughter.
Framing the twinkle in my eyes,
the curves in a smile. I see
a picture of happiness on
a face that is loved.

Sun spots reminding me of the fun times
feeling the suns warmth on my face.
The kisses of summer, marking
my glowing skin. Reminders
of happy seasons gone by,
with many more ahead.

My face is a keeper of secrets, mistakes
of the past, and seasons of growth. It
tells a story of emotions, its cover
wearing thin. A never ending
story in a face, a reflection
of love and life.

The second prompt was to invite poetry into your everyday life. One Sunday, as I was reading some very old poetry books I was given to by a friend to look through. I came upon a small worn and tattered book called "Poems from the North Woods" signed by the author E. F. Hayward in 1829. Wow, I know! Hubby, who is not big on poetry, but big on the outdoors, came in from working in the yard. He picked it up and began reading aloud. These poems were speaking to him and he was enthralled by them. An hour later, he looked at his watch and was shocked to see an hour had past. Ladies, I have discovered that being read poetry by your man is very romantic! I need to get to that bookstore :)

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Round Robin Photo Challenge-Flower Power

Renee at, wants us to tap into our imagination and share a little about the power that flowers have had in our lives. How they brighten our worlds, how they fill our homes with aromas which, calm us, inspire our creativity, stir feelings of romance, and in general, make our lives a little more beautiful.
I choose my flowers very carefully. This is a bouquet that fills me with joy and brightens my world. The Dave flower brings romance, an overwhelming fragrance of love and needs my tender loving care. The Nikki flower thinks she is the most beautiful in my bouquet, but she requires much attention or she wilts (pouts) quickly. The Jessy flower just produced a beautiful little bud, but will always be the flower I need to protect from the harsh elements of life. The Manny flower is like the daffodil, strong and true, making my heart sing. The little TK bud brings me hope and joy as I help nurture him to grow. My Michelle flower is just beginning to bloom and become the bright flower God intended. This is my family bouquet that is forever blooming :)

Dave-husband, Nikki-white little dog, Jessy- 21yr old daughter, Manny- 16yr old lab/cocker, TK- my grandson, Michelle-22yr old first born.

See other "Flower Power" entries at

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Self Portrait Challenge- Pop Art # 4

Being a grandma for the first time, fills me with joy and brings out my goofy side. Tk thinks I'm very strange, but he won't forget gramy!

See others here

Monday, June 26, 2006

One Deep Breath- Fib

Design + Fib = Poetry
In essence, there are only 2 rules. The first rule is the sequence of syllables which is 1/1/2/3/5/8. The second rule is that no one-syllable lines can contain an article (the, a, la, le, etc.) That's it. Hubby's 1st full begonia of the season taken yesterday :)

perfect spot
slowly opening
brilliant color, pasts unveiled

Check out others here

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Sunday Scribblings - Music

I like music very much, but I also like quiet. The quiet of my dog breathing, the birds singing and the rain falling. When I feel the need for music I need it to fill my whole being and it will manifest its flow in various ways. It can cause tears, a smile from the past, romance, or a spontaneous urge to get up and shake my booty. Driving, blogging and cleaning are my usual times to enjoy music. I try to remember it with romance, but that's not always foremost in my mind. I usually remember the next day.LOL In the midst of exploring my creative side (writing, not romance) I've found myself drawn to soft sounds with poetic lyrics. At 44 I'm in a constant state of change (yes... hot flashes too) and my choices of music change with me. James Blunt is one of my current favorites, but I can't seem to get enough of Natasha Bedingfield's "Unwritten" (playing on my blog). The words encourage me to write, so I'm passing these words on to inspire us all. It calls for us to release our inhibitions...Yeah!

By Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovations
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live
that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

I Got To Meet Annie

This is Annie, many of you know her from I had the privilege of meeting Annie, a friend and fellow blogger, live and in person. She was kind enough to drive 90 miles in 100 degree temperatures to meet me for lunch. I had the added pleasure of meeting her mom who was just adorable. It is the coolest thing to look into the eyes of someone you have never met, yet you feel you know them. She lights up when speaking of her family, her eyes twinkle when she talks of her blooming creativity and she is so great with her mom. These are treasures that not all of us get to share, but when we hugged I was thinking of us all. I hope to share many more happy times with Annie :) She is a very special gal, but many of you already know that. Here's to blog meets and friendships! HUGS TO ALL!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Poetry Thursday- My Light


The theme was to write a poem using words you love and words you hate. I found my inspiration in my 6 month old grandson. He is my first grandson and this blog is what I will leave behind for him :)


His eyes are full of innocent wonder
covered to a world full of hate.
Blue as a sky rinsed by spring rain
can he see my fear’s reflection.

His delicious skin untouched by scorn
will my grandma kisses be enough?
I hold him until he squirms, begging
for a reprieve. How do I protect him?

I will bestow upon him the blessings
I have received, life’s lessons learned.
Live with faith, love and compassion
never losing hope of a tolerant future.

For now I will spread my butterfly kisses
in his sweet folds, showering him in love.
Awaiting the moment our eyes will connect
as his knowing smile lights up my soul.

Gramy Tammy

Read other poetry Here

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Keeping Busy

I'm up to 2 hours, three days a week. Next week I'll add machines :)
More lupine as promised :) I live on top of this canyon (currently) with a walking trail.
Our canyon
The trail

Dave took four days off to take care of two yards. He LOVES flowers and at the new house he will be adding lots more flowers, arbors and a waterfall creek running down our side yard. The backyard of the new house has a fenced in fruit & veggie garden in the forest. Strawberries, raspberries, garlic, roma tomatoes, 2 apple, 1 pear, 1 peach, 1 nectarine, 2 huge grape vines and the rest, not a clue. In the front is a yard with flowers galore (you get the picture why Dave loves it)So much work for Dave and I had no idea we would soon be farmers. We did sneak in a date night or two. The last picture is our current house all spiffed up ready to sell...ok, not totally ready. If we see one more weed, it stays. LOL

Monday, June 19, 2006

Haiku for "One Deep Breath"


The Lupin grow wild
reaching for the sky parting

spreading purple fire

Self Portrait Challenge- Pop Art # 3

I've been out of town, but did not forget my pop art "Chained to the Image of Beauty." I'm so confused at how we are never happy with our beauty. The media is always telling us what beauty is and we sometimes compare our beauty and others beauty to their standards. Let's break the chains!

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Please Join Me!

This site is gathering bloggers to pay tribute to the 2, 996 killed on 911. Go on the sight and make a request to join us and you will receive a name and bio for one of the 2,996 lost. I have seen such wonderful talent and love in the blogging community. I know your tributes will be awesome. Many of you have already signed up, but there are still more names to assign.

My tribute is to Brian Cachia, 26, of Bayside, New York. He worked for Cantor Fitzgerald on the 103rd Floor. Brian was a Technical Support Specialist. His memorial was October 20th.


Thursday, June 15, 2006

Poetry Thursday- YOU

This was a gift of words framed with a hand drawn angel, given to me by my daughter Michelle, as she was struggling to find her place in the world. They are lyrics to a song that expressed what was in her heart, but poetry to this mother's ears :)


There's always something
In the way
There's always something
Getting through
But it's not me
It's you

Sometimes ignorance
Rings true
But hope is not in
What I know
Not in me
But in you

It's all I know

I find peace when
I'm confused
I find hope when
I'm let down
Not in me
But in you

I hope I love myself
For good
I hope to find it in the end
Not in me
In you
It's all I know

In you

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

The Round Robin Photo Challenge-Emotions

This picture holds many emotions for me. My youngest daughter was going to be a mother, it was a beautiful sight watching her prepare for birth. We were full of excitement and anticipation for the arrival of her first born and my first grandson. In this staged photo it shows three generations, my hands touching my daughter and future grandchild with overwhelming emotion.

This is TK, my first grandson giving his gramy a big smile. Pure joy!

Emotions fill me
erupting out of my heart
flowing through a touch

Our friend and fellow Robin, Chris, author of the journal, "My Photographic Life," has chosen the theme this week. Check out others Here

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Tuesday Twosome

What two words do you think of when you hear the words (and explain):

1. HATE- Terrorism is killing with hate. Bigotry is hateful and can come from self-hatred.

2. LOVE-Sacrifice is giving up something for a greater thing. Commitment is a pledge of dedication.

3. FOREVER-Eternity is endless life after death. Traveling takes too long and can be annoying.

4. NEVER- Mom, she always said "never say never." Childhood is something I can never get back.

5. CONSTANT-God, his love will always be there. Dave will always love me.

See more at

Monday, June 12, 2006

Self Portrait Challenge- Pop Art - week 2

I must confess I am a TV watcher. I was raised with TV and being disabled with limited activity choices, I will not feel guilty :) Now that I am exploring my creative side, TV has taken a back seat to blogging. In my progression, which is very slow, I know my TV days will return. This Pop Art piece reflects my joy, on or off the boob tube! LOL

Haiku for "One Deep Breath"


You light my darkness
reflecting the path I walk
my path into light

Check out others on One Deep Breath at for great Haiku and photos.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Sunday Scribbling - Mystery

Sunday Scribblings posed this question:
If you could have ANY mystery unveiled for you, what would it be? It can be cosmic, personal, political, whatever. What deep unanswered or even unanswerable question would you want to have revealed for your eyes only? What do you dearly want to KNOW? Also, if you want, what would you prefer never to know? What would best remain a mystery?

I asked my tired husband, as he pulled back the sheets and crawled into bed. This thought provoking question. He paused in thought as we settled into bed, both deep in thought. As we lay there in the dark staring at the ceiling he finally answered "I’d like to know if there are really UFOs." I lay there smiling in the dark as I pondered my answer. I said "I’d like to know the future and what it holds." He said "no you wouldn’t, because if it was bad you would lose hope."

I then thought of all the questions that I didn’t want to know if the out come was going to be negative. When will I die, will I suffer, what will my family’s futures be like without me and will I get eternity with Dave? I have many mysteries I’m curious to know, but I’m not wasting my one revel on curiosity. I figured that if I really knew there were "little green men" and Elvis was living in Kentucky, not much I can do with that information. So much is out of our control, but I can rest easy that I did not vote for Bush. bad!

As I lay there staring at my glow in the dark stars I have on my ceiling, it hit me. I want to KNOW what heaven is like! I know that this life is not the end and once there, all my questions of this life will be answered. I can take what this life throws at me if I know I have had a look at my next destination. My husband agreed and laid his arm over me as we drifted off to sleep, dreaming of our future in heaven.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

My Jess is 21 today!

Mom took her baby for a day at the beauty salon! Yes, I'm old enough to be a mom of a 21yr old mom. LOL I watched TK while she got beautified, as you can see gramy Tammy did not do so well. We were there for two hours and I had many women helping me, but in the end he wanted mommy. I am so very lucky to have been blessed to see this come full circle. Happy 21st sweetheart!
Love you,

TJ at asked if had one wish and could go back in time, what would it be? That my children could have a strong, loving father that they could lean on. I made a really poor choice in the man I had my children with. Their pain and my guilt will remain in my heart always. I pray on it often and hold on to "whatever does not kill you, will make you stronger."

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Poetry Thursday- Water Voices

This week, Lynn suggested you listen in on the people around you and then write some poetry inspired by their words. We can't wait to read about your eavesdropping skills and the poetry you created from your experience. But, as always, our Monday ideas are completely and totally optional, so feel free to post whatever moves you today.

The only place I have been to is my water aerobics class at the gym. My community is 65% over 65 and in the pool at age 44, I'm the youngin :)
I'm the one with the walker however and they watch over me with loving care. They are so very wise! From the 80yr old retired San Francisco cop to the 90 yr old lady who goes bird watching in her RV. Most are widowers looking for something to do and I adore them all! I've learned so much from my family at the pool.


I move through the water with ease
bouncing to the beat of the music.
In the water I am free of my inabilities
remembering the way it used to be.

I feel so alive keeping up with others
listening to my body’s voices.
Speaking to me of limits so my mind
won’t have regrets. Remember!

The women chat while going through
the motions, I often listen in.
Exchange of recipes, who has a new suit,
a graduation, wedding or birth.

They have become the family I never
had cheering me on to keep fighting.
I look forward to all those smiling faces
who keep me going each day.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Self Portrait Challenge- Pop Art

The month of June is "Pop Art" on the This is my 1st attempt for week one.

I started this summer in a physical therapy water class and now added a regular water aerobics class. I'm slowly building back those atrophied muscles. This seemed to fit with the theme :)

Monday, June 05, 2006


DSL has finally come to the sticks! Can I hear an AMEN? Do you know what this means for a one finger typist? It won't take FOREVER to get to all my favorite blogs...WooHoo! Yes, I have had to endure dial-up all this time. When I saw 92 entries in Sunday Scribblings, I had to take a deep breath. These writers are too good to pass up reading, you must treat yourself and visit.

I thought this picture captured my feelings towards dial-up perfectly. (not my computer or dog)

Don't forget to feed the hungry for FREE at it just takes a click a day!

Thanks for all the support, love and encouragement!

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Sunday Scribblings - "Earliest Memories"

My earliest memory of my childhood was of a little two-bedroom brick house surrounded by fields of dry grass. We had a front and back lawn, but for me the jungle of tall dry grass was my play ground. The dry grass was much taller than any 4yr old, with endless possibilities of play.

I would crawl on my hands and knees, plowing tunnels through the grass. Leaving a path of bent grass, creating a secret maze that only my imagination could tell you where it led. I would create bigger patches of grass, off my path, making rooms, secret places. I would play house with my dolls, totally hidden from moms watchful eyes. I felt like I was the only person who knew of this place, hidden in the fields. I can close my eyes and still smell that grass, remember my reddened hands and knees. I realize now mom was seeing my every move, knowing what direction to call my name and letting me keep my secret place, a secret.

I remember struggling with having to share my parents with a new sibling and finding solace in playing away from the house. When I was a teenager, my secret places were in books, where all my fantasies came true. Once I got married and had children, I had very little time for secret places. Now the kids are gone, I bask in my abundant alone time by doing whatever I please. My life is my secret place :)

10 Things with a "T" Connected with Me

Jodi at has a meme going that is harder than it seems. "The idea is I tell you ten things about me connected with an allotted letter, in this case "T." If anyone else would like to have a go, just leave Jodi a comment and she will send you a letter.


TK - My first grandson (shown above) with his new Hawaiian outfit on from his other grandparents. This is his new puppy Joe, who his parents plan to raise with TK. I would think a 5 month old would be enough work, but puppy breath is the sweetest. I can't get enough of TK! He has a special place in my heart :) I guess Joe is my 1st granddog...Oh brother!

TAMMY - I have always disliked my name, but a very special woman gave it to me (Grandma Margie). Grandma Margie loved the movie "Tammy and the Bachelor" and the song "Tammy." My mom thought an old woman named Tammy would be silly, so I was named Tamara. It is only used on legal stuff, or when mom got really mad. It was a gift from a woman who taught me how to love.

TOUCH - As I watch my hands slowly die, I savor the feelings of touch. Communicating on my blog, caressing my husband, brushing a stray hair from my child's face, writing down my thoughts and picking up a phone to hear a friends hello. I treasure each day and every touch that remains.

TALE - I love a good story. A book, conversation, articles, movies and blogs. Fiction and non-fiction, happy and sad, romantic and historical.

TROPICAL - Kauai is where I was married and where my ashes will be scattered with Dave. It is our paradise. Flowers, rainbows, warm waters, sea turtles, waves and waves of memories.

TALKER - Yes, I talk too much! My tongue is one of my failing muscles and I work it as often as I can. LOL It will be the hardest bodily function to let go of because I'm very verbal. Just ask my husband and kids. LOL I must start working on my eye communication skills. My oldest said I already have the "if looks could kill" down pat.

TENDERNESS - I love everything about this word! Dave and I give and receive this in many ways. A look, a touch, words...Love!

TESTAMENT- A person's story can inspire others in unimaginable ways. We all have a story to tell and if we share them we can help others. The Bible is full of testaments of how we can get through life's challenges. I no longer fear judgment from others. If giving my testament can encourage one person, the honesty is worth it.

TIVO - I know, I know... I'm limited in my activities and will admit it right here, I enjoy TV. I love Grey's Anatomy, ER, 24, Law & Order etc. Tivo lets me control what I watch and when I watch, commercial free...Woohoo!

THANKFUL - I have this feeling often and it gets my butt out of bed every morning. I'm thankful for the privilege of being allowed to continue this great life!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Poetry Thursday - My Back Deck

I just bought a retirement home in the mountains. Over the holiday we were there and I read Mary Oliver's poetry handbook and Ted Kooser's The Poetry Home Repair Manual. I stood on my back deck trying to write what I felt using imagery. I practiced metaphors, similes and made my title part of the poem. After fixing it way too many times, I recited it to my dog Manny and he loved it. This is not great, it's just growing :) Both books said reading poetry is a good teacher. I can't wait to read all I can.

My Back Deck

Lifts my body up into the pines
leaving material things behind.
The trees surround me, gently
parting to share the secret horizon.

The crisp breeze that blows the
pollen from the corners of the day.
Bring scents of campfires and pine
reminiscent of the happiest of times.

The clouds cast moving shadows
floating, slowly, wandering,
seeking to quench earths thirst.
The magic wand of mother nature.

The roar of the wind, soaring
through the trees, sound like the
ebb and flow of the ocean’s waves.
The music of the wind crescendoes.

The grape leaves wrap themselves
like a shawl, across the fence tops,
waiting for the sun to push through.
The waiting is over, I have come home