Haiku for Writer's Club & Update

Death Awaits

You haunt me in my slumber
Be gone leave me be
I will wake to live again



I have never attempted a Haiku so I thought I'd give it a whirl for the Writer's Club. http://writewordswritingclub.blogspot.com/ Haiku is a Japanese poem with seventeen syllables, 3 lines of five, seven and five. The writer's club is a fun place to be creative. Every two weeks you get choices of pictures and you can express what you see by writing a poem, Haiku, or short story.

On my side bar is a precious little girl that has been fighting cancer. I have followed her journey and am thrilled to report she is now cancer free! AMEN She has surgeries to go through to help fix the damage of the cancer, so she still needs our prayers. You go Rebekah!

I'm going to commute with Dave on Monday, because he works where Michelle lives. She has her 1st apartment and wants me to see it. She's taking me for a girl's day out! I get to experience Dave's 4 hour per day commute. That's $450/month in gas here in ole California and that's with every other Friday off. Eighteen months and counting for Dave's retirement. WooHoo!

A Day of Unexpected Joy!

You know how you make plans to just play? You never quite know if it will be fun, you might have to cancel or you just get too busy to go. Well we had an absolutely perfect day! Dave decided he would like to try ice skating this weekend. Yup, you heard me, ice skating. My first thought was should a 48 year old man with twigs for legs be doing this. Then I thought should a 44 year old with temperature issues be at an ice rink.

We woke up both in good moods, the day was free and it was a sunny 70 degrees, with snow still on the ground in the shade. The poor snow trodden daffodils were even standing up in full bloom. The planets aligned and so ice skating it would be. We went up into the pines and found the quaint little town with a indoor rink. I was layered well and Dave was as excited as the kids there. Dave was a natural, he never even fell. Every time he went around I waved and never took my eyes off him. I am so proud I married such a fun loving, adventurous man. We never stopped smiling. :)

We left and the sun was so warm we stopped for lunch at a grill and ate outside. Coconut shrimp, potato skins, onion rings and a burger. Wow did I pig out! We came home, put on the sweats and watched a DVD.

Never forget to just play!

I put pictures in Flickr, they are not very good because he kept moving. lol

Michelle, My Belle

This is Michelle, my 1st born, when I was the age she is now. She was the best baby and was an easy toddler. I had always dreamed of this little girl. She started to change after the divorce, became more defiant. When I had to sit her down and explain her mommy's illness, I crushed her world.

Instead of going into a total withdrawal state, like her younger sibling, she stepped up and became my rock at 10. I spent four years thinking I had MS and played it down to the kids and my boss because she was only 6. At 10 she was told I had ALS and we became a team. She learned to, pump gas, write a check, use the ATM, cook and do laundry. We did it together, but she was slowly losing her childhood. I had a fixed income and no child support so she was exposed to budgeting and worry. In the grocery store she would always say "that's not on our list mom." Eventually at 13 she would have me wait in the car so we would stick to the budget and I would not get too tired. We had a guy to do the yard, someone to fix the van, help with some meals, housekeeper and a flaky ex-husband into drugs and alcohol. She would see me fall and cry as she saw I was ok. She learned to give shots and death became an obsession. Not what I would call great, but we had fun despite it all!

Then the crap hit the fan as puberty began! She hung in there in the beginning, but I watched the anger rising. She had youth group and God, but counciling she fought. One day in Kmart, early morning, Michelle and I needed a few things. As we searched the isles, I had lost my bowels. I had sweats on with elastic on the ankles, so it was not going anywhere.lol I was at first horrified, but thought Michelle would be mortified. Most kids don't even want to be seen hanging out with mom. I turned to her and said " I just crapped myself " and she was concerned for me, never embarrassed. We giggled and then she said "you stink, we gotta get you home." She sent me to the car, filled the list, paid and she was just 12 years old. She helped me into the shower, put my pants in a bag, lovingly rinsed me off and got me clean clothes. She kissed me and said "all better." She was awesome!

She wanted her father's love desperately, even though he verbally abused me and let her down at every turn. His passion was wrestling, so she became a wrestler. She was 4'11, 115 lbs, 36D and wrestled mainly boys. I hated it! They would bite her and sneak in illegal moves to avoid losing to a girl. She was so good that in high school she took 3rd in the women's state championship. She became aggressive, angry and talked like a sailor. Her dad coached her with anger, aggression and a foul mouth. Gee, huge mystery there! She was so filled with anger, Jess and I became afraid of her. She still was my soft hearted angel, that was slowly disappearing behind growing walls of pain. I had to ask her to leave, for my health and Jessy's anxieties. We remained bonded in a way that no fits of rage could take away.

She lives 3hrs away, but we talk often. We share the superficial and the deep. She says everything good about her came from me and she still holds my face in her hands to kiss every spot on my face :) She has a hard time accepting Dave, she felt replaced. I don't try and bring them together, because it is not needed. She likes Dave and is happy for us, but her and I have a relationship rich with history we keep for ourselves. I still won't let her visit if she is PMSing, she can't use the "F" word at my house, she must not just call about her life and she can't just use me to vent (drama at a minimum). LOL

My First Love

I shall never forget the first time I held
you close. You had a certain smell that
filled my senses and never left my soul.
I felt a fierce power to keep you safe, yet
vulnerable with an overwhelming love.

I saw everything for the first time through
your beautiful eyes, as we taught each other
the wonders of all that life had to offer. We
were never apart, growing closer as the years
went by.

I broke the trust you had in me, breaking your
heart in two. I left you wounded and scared, like
a bird with a broken wing. You let me help you
learn to fly, but fear became a wall you could
not get by.

You grew strong in time, but your walls grew higher
and your anger turned on those you held dear. Your
loyalty stayed true, your love continued to grow.
I pushed you away knowing that bond would always be.
I taught you all I know so you could fly, as it was
always meant to be.

I will love you forever my precious child, even when
we are apart. You are a woman now out in the world
alone, I will never forget your heart so true. I will
cherish you forever, always remembering the joy
of my first love.

Our First Snow

This is looking out my kitchen window. Yes, those are fake poinsettias left over from Christmas in my window box. They look better than dirt. lol
This is the canyon behind my house and there is a hiking trail for different views. I'll post the other pics in Flickr. Dave went out with the camera so I could see too :)

The snow is falling silently throughout our three day weekend. We were like children on Christmas morning, filled with joy at the sight. We just had a week of 70 degrees and all hopes for snow were fading, even the daffodils were peaking out of their stalks. We laughed, as big black Manny was all covered in white, little Nikki jumping like a bunny, in snow up to her neck.

As night drew near Dave built a warm fire, as we settled on the couch with our three DVDs. Oh, don't forget the big bowl of buttered popcorn and blanket to cuddle :) There is just something romantic about being snow bound.

We don't get more than six inches and it melts really quick. My sympathies to those who are dealing in feet and not inches, may your winter be safe!

Kitchen Make Over Done!

Click on for better view!

















Dave re-finished cabinets to original splendor, built counter with ceramic tiles and added an antique copper tin back splash. Oh yeah, that bossy contractor choose floor tiles, so poor dave got stuck building an end piece (lip) to match cabinets...oops! Very hard too match! The table was our old one, but re-done using black. Most everything was Home Depot and Wal-mart. We work really well as a team, but Dave has the hard part. "Hire contractors" you say, bite thou tongue! Dave thinks that is the 8th deadly sin. LOL You did good babe :) Now about that bathroom...my bad!

I'm Feeling Rejuvenated :)

Dave and I had a really nice four days. We did not want to go out of town to celebrate. We are more relaxed at home. We have had a lot of stress this last month, between our "adult" children ( I use that term loosely) and needing to finish up the kitchen, we needed a break.

When you are well into your forties, swinging from the chandeliers does not fill four days. We improvised by running errands, saw three DVD's, went to dinner/ movie and finished up the kitchen. Lynne and I decided to free up Dave's time by helping me to do things Dave does, like grocery shopping, filling medications and dying my hair. He loved this Valentine gift so much, she offered to keep on doing it every month :) Lynne is the greatest and Dave let her help, which is big for him. Dave can do it all, he is amazing and is always doing something. I know more will need to be done as I progress, but I want a husband not a care giver. We agreed to always hire help when needed. I have a housekeeper and gardener that have been with me for many years and it really helps. Now if I could just get him to not turn my pink underwear grey, we would really be rolling.

Last night we gave cards and chocolate delights to each other. Dave barbecued two extra thick Rib-Eyes, baked potatoes w/sour cream and asparagus. We felt rejuvenated and very happy! We were blessed by 70 degree temperatures for our weekend( don't be envious, we should get snow this weekend). The song on my blog is one of Dave's favorite artists and I'm dedicating it to him. I'm really lucky to be loved by this man!

Our new kitchen would be done, but the bossy contractor (me) had to come up with recess lighting and make over our kitchen table. We had an old round oak table in our new European coffee cafe' kitchen. We sprayed the base black, sanded the top, added fake grooves (to look like planks) and revarnished. Tada, French Country.

I entered my second Writer's Club entry at http://writewordswritingclub.blogspot.com/ This is very scary to put such emotion in a poem, but very healing. I'm green, but my blog buddies give me so much support, I'm loving it!

Four Days to Celebrate!

Since Valentine's Day is on Tuesday, Dave and I are making this weekend our anniversary/ Valentine celebration! Most of our plans consist of just focusing on each other and four days of nothing rated PG ;)

We married on the island of Kauai on 02-14-04. It was on Tunnels Beach (Bali Hai) at 5:30pm (it was unusually deserted). We had a minister, Lynne and her husband and a Hawaiian singer(in full Hawaiian garb). The singer was a child in the movie "South Pacific" and sang all the songs from the movie including" The Hawaiian Wedding" song. I wrote the ceremony and we each wrote and memorized our own vows. We had a touch of rain just before our vows and a sea turtle in the surf that watched it all. We were all hugging after the ceremony when the singer said " you will have much luck, look." In the sky above us was an awesome double rainbow! Dave and I walked through the surf overwelmed with our beautiful ceremony as we were met by a gorgeous sunset. It was perfect :)