Friday, April 20, 2007

Sunday Scribbling - "Rooted"

Me sitting on my walker after a swim watching the tide come in.
When I was a little girl I felt so disconnected to my family that I believed and hoped I was adopted. My family was not creative, political, affectionate or good communicators. Growing up the differences grew as I began to listen to the voice within my head. I never felt deeply rooted to my family and its dysfunctional history. I needed to find my own way and left home at seventeen.

I was young and thought I knew who I was, but I didn't, as I slowly spun out of control. My early 20's were a blur and I felt like I was locked up inside, watching a train wreck. I knew my choices were wrong, but I had lost that rooted connection within. My voice was drowned out by negativity and silenced with selfishness. When I finally found my voice I had left behind a path of destruction. I vowed in the future to live my life by trusting my own voice.

I grew up and found spirituality and yet never felt deeply rooted to a church. I learned that I needed those years of bible study to realize that the voice I had followed all along was not just my own. It was a deeply rooted connection to God. No religion or politically correct wind could drown out the voice that guided me now.

When I walk through the woods the voice within gets clearer and so I seek out the places where I can hear it the best. I learned to listen, I know I'm never alone and I'm deeply rooted within. This poem is my favorite and yet I've never posted it. It needs to be on my blog, my journey.

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was
walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the
sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he
noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one
belonging to him, and the other to the Lord. When
the last scene of his life flashed before him, he
looked back at the footprints in the sand. He
noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed
that it happened at the very lowest and saddest
times in his life. This really bothered him and he
questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, You said that
once I decided to follow you, You'd walk with me all
the way. But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life, there is only one set
of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed
you most you would leave me." The Lord replied,
"My son, My precious child, I love you and I would
never leave you. During your times of trial and
suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it
was then that I Carried You."
Mary Stevenson


Anonymous said...


A very brave and moving post. I understand a little bit more now, why we connect at times. Yes I do.

Your picture? In your walker? I sense God there with you.

Chris said...

Nice connection from your picture to the poem. I can't imagine feeling alienated from my family and how hard that must be at a young age. You are a fighter though and overcame, once again.

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Anonymous said...

Love that poem too. Hugs for sharing.

Regina said...

Oh, Tammy- what a heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing your life so intimately with us...
and thanks for reminding me of this beautiful poem... it has always been one of my favorites.

gautami tripathy said...

Very moving post. Seems you have finally found yourself. Thanks for being so brave as to share your life with us.

Much peace.

Anonymous said...

your post here brings me a lot of peace - thank you for sharing this with us. xo

Anonymous said...

Beautiful photo, beautiful post, beautiful woman.

paris parfait said...

Beautiful post, Tammy. You are a constant inspiration. xo

Anonymous said...

Thank you, sweet Tammy, for sharing this part of your journey with us - and for sharing "Footprints" - I've always loved that one. XOXO

Jone said...

What a lovely photo. Another connection, I left for college at 17, away from home. You continue to inspire me. How is the move going?

Patois42 said...

Amen to what those before me have said. God is clearly there with you. How grateful you must be.

Crafty Green Poet said...

Thanks for sharing your sotry, glad you found your roots eventually. Beautiful photo too by the way, the water is such a wonderful colour.

Kamsin said...

Lovely post. Footprints really is a great reminder we are never alone. Being rooted isn't necessarily about people or place, so much as knowing who we are deep inside.

Waspgoddess said...

The photo of you and your walker by the ocean is beautiful. And although I don't share your belief in God, the poem still resonates with me very much.

Lots of love to you, and I hope the sale of your house will be swift and stress-free.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post--as always, I am inspired by the strength of your voice!

rel said...

Not everyone hears God's voice. Not everyone who hears listens or heeds the words. You both hear and follow god's advice, and being so rooted there have found a peace that so many find elusive.
I'm amazed at how much we share with each other here in the ether neighborhood. ;-)

Anonymous said...

This is a great post. Thank you for sharing your story with such inspiring and courageous words.
I have always loved "Footprints".

Debra said...

i see Of Mice and Puzzles listed you as a favorite journal, and i wanted to let you know why walt hasn't posted lately. please read sunday 22 april's "Near and Dear" in my own journal: thanks, debra

Pam said...

I never felt those roots until I was in my 40s...but well worth the wait.

A lovely poem.

JP (mom) said...

Wonderfully poignant post ... I love the "Footprints in the Sand" story ... beautiful reminder that God is always with us. xx, JP

Anonymous said...

Amen to being deeply rooted within. I'd not thought of rooted like this before, but it's so true. A very thought-filled post. Thanks for sharing.

Rachel said...

I love this quote by Mary Stevenson, and your post was so heartfelt.

Giggles said...

Me too Tammy, me too!!! Felt and did the same! Made some bad choices along the way....spirituality always my saving grace!

For those unlearn t-shirts just click the cotton ginny on my post...until you see them.

Hugs Sherrie

Anonymous said...

I love your openness...and openmindedness too. Perhaps all that earlier stuff was necessary to get you to this fact I'm sure it was. And who you are today is one of the most wonderful people I've never met! ((smooch))


Jen B said...

This is a beautiful testimony. Your roots with God. I can relate to the religiousness and the relationship. I got teary eyed as I thought of my own mortality as I read your post. Thank you for reminding me of His love. Oh yeah, and for dropping by my blog for rooted!

Anonymous said...

Tammy, I know more about you each time you write, and understand the connection between us better, as well. Your post could have been written by me (though I would not have written it as well). And, I was 27 before beginning to find my spiritual side. Well written, and I love the photo!

The Dream said...

So wonderful to read your words - and "Footprints" always prompts me to lay a hand on my heart. Thank you.

daisies said...

this was just what i needed to read tonight, oh so very much needed to read ~ thank you tammy ... sending you love.

turquoise cro said...

"Footprints" is one of my FAV's too Tammy! It gives me cold chills as I read it, it is so BEAUTY FULL! like YOU! xoCinda

Anonymous said...

Tammy, this was beautiful. I love the picture of you. It seems as if you're looking at the calm after the storm, which sort of mirrors your journey growing out of your 20's.