Sunday Scribbling - "Deepest,darkest"

This picture really represents my deepest and darkest fears. A stairway to tomorrow that I take one step at a time. I know what they say is through that door for me, but I have chosen to live my life with hope, not giving up my power. It has worked for me thus far, but there are flashes of my future that torture my mind. Will my spirit continue to fight as I slowly become more imprisoned in this body?

I am a women who wants to be desired in the most intimate of ways. I want to touch, kiss with passion and hug with ferocity. Will our sensual spirits be lost, as my partner tends to my needs? Will he feel passion rise as my leg brushes against his in the darkness? Or will he move away ever so slightly, afraid to hurt me? Will I remain beautiful to my partner, stuck in slow motion in a constant state of dishevelment, with no make-up and sweats? Yes, he made the choice, but how can we really know how we will respond, as its ugliness creeps into our lives. Will my spirit be enough to keep that look in his eye's?

I started life as a doormat but rose up from the ashes, taking back my power. I became an independent woman with many success's. I'm proud of myself and life has been very good. How can I return to a life with no voice? Will I accept graciously a caregiver attending my grooming and intimate needs? Left with choices made for me, not by me. Will I suffer in the end because of not being able to explain what my body needs? Will I be able to chose when I'm done? Can my spirit express what's inside and be heard?

These are my two deepest and darkest fears. I'm not afraid of dying but I'm afraid of losing me. I will never be alone in my fight and I know I'll always be loved, but dying can't be shared. While I keep my hope for a cure alive, I also prey I accept what ever is behind that door with dignity and grace. I'm a human being and a woman just fighting back my fears with whatever works!

To see other creative writing visit Sunday Scribblings at http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/

Create a Connection

Melba was hosting Photo Thursday-Living Space so here is my 1200ft doll house that goes up for sale at the end of April. I must get my decorating juices flowing for our new home.

Jana hosted "Getting to Know You" this month and I think she did a great job! So here it goes ;

I'm eating a leftover hamburger (w/mayo, on wheat bread) and sautéd zucchini as I type this. What did YOU eat last? I ate pork chops and mac & cheese. Since hubby had a stay at home mom and now must do all the cooking, he was horrified mac and cheese came in a box. lol He ate two helpings!
I am totally head-over-heels for a very tall man named James, who has a very sexy new haircut (picked out by me, of course! lol) What about YOUR love life? Anyone special? Tell us about him/her! I met my Dave 3 1/2 yrs ago on an online dating service. He researched my illness, knew what he was facing and had the courage to forge ahead. He's an outdoors man, carpenter, poet, romantic and has a passion for me and gardening :) We married on a beach in Kauai at sunset, blessed with a double rainbow.
I live in a little house, with lots of trees, on a dead-end street. What is it like where you live? I have shown you my current house so I'll share my new one. It's in the mountains near a lake and it's surrounded by gardens. Flowers in the front with veggies and fruit in the back ;)
I love my hair, and my cute wittle nose. What are YOUR favorite features about yourself? I still have great legs for 5ft 1" and I have pretty hazel eyes.
Today, I pondered about the need for mentoring in young women's lives. What deep thoughts have YOU been pondering upon? My deep thoughts tend to veer toward my care at the different stages of my illness and affordability of home care. I do not need my loved ones taking care of my intimate needs. Wiping someones butt can kill a sex life :)
I love cheese (cubed Colby & monterey jack) and green growing things! List 2 random things you love about life: I love animals and babies. That's so cliche' but true.
I found CAC through Melba, who I found through A Mindful Life, which I stumbled on by doing a random search for Buddhist blogs, for no apparent reason! How did YOU find out about CAC? Through one of my favorite bloggers, Deb at Red Shoes Rambling.
I absolutely *heart* thunderstorms! What do YOU love most about spring? Bulbs because they bring color to my life and my husband gets child like with each new flower. He has well over 300 bulbs.

Visit Create a connection at http://www.bealivebelievebeyou.com/create/ and meet some new bloggers.

Poetry Thursday - "Artwork Inspiration"

Rapheal La Fornarina 1518-1519

We were asked to try stepping inside a work of art and writing from that perspective.


The Baker's daughter

I see his desire burning into my body

with each glance and brush stroke.

I hold the power in a coy look and pose

showing him the pleasure he seeks.

I'm so much more than a mistress

as I tease his deepest desires.

A baker's daughter, living a secret

a double life, all my own.

I wear a band bearing my lover's name

a token of his adoration, but love?

His one true love is his painting's

and so I will be.

I'm the image of a real woman

captured forever on canvas

as his true love.

To see other art perspectives go here

TK WALKING

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

My grandson TK is walking! (Click play button) Notice him holding my unsteady leg and the horrible bribery and whistling :) I was at my girl's house for their first BBQ and I was actually holding the camera. Not too shabby!

Thinking Blogger Award Goes to....

Becca of http://beccasbyline.blogspot.com/2007/03/food-for-thought.html "tagged" me with the "Thinking Blogger" award. She received the award...dah and had to name five other blogs that gave her food for thought. I'm very honored and humbled to have given her food for thought. Now I must choose five blogs that give me flavorful, spicy, comforting, food for thought. This is very difficult since she would have been on my list, but alas she has already been "tagged." Congrats Becca and thank you!

Five blogs out of the many I love to read is a tough one. Many have made me think and inspired me. If the five I have chosen want to play the rules are at the end.

1. Amber at http://believingsoul.blogspot.com/index.html has a no non-sense approach to life. She has been through hell and back, yet continues on with heart. She is a wonderful writer who can always make you laugh. She has a beautiful young family that she nurtures while working on her own growth. You Rock!

2. Darlene at http://www.pluckthepetal.com/blackdaisies/ is a very strong gal that inspires me with every post. She is an amazing writer, painter and photographer that has shared her journey over the past year, of the loss of her twin boys. She is a young gal that inspires me to get out of bed each day with hope in my heart. You go girl!

3. Pam at http://capeandtights.blogspot.com/index.html is my fellow warrior in the fight against ALS that tries to ravage our bodies but never our spirit. Her digital art and poetry expresses her love of the globe. We hold each other up daily as she attempts to get me to eat better. We are Batman & Robin the dynamic duo.

4. Maureen at http://maureensphotoblog.blogspot.com/index.html is the most amazing photographer and poet. She loves animals and has an 18yr old Retriever named Sam. He looks like my Manny dog. She inspires me to keep my camera close and my faith closer.

5. Left Handed Trees at http://cdeliascarpitti.blogspot.com/ is a new blog for me but this gal can write about the weather and blow my mind! We will see her novel at the book store for sure! She does this and more while being a mommy of three. I can't wait to be a better writer from just reading about her day.

To play along, think of five bloggers that provide you with some flavorful, spicy, comforting, food for thought, and then follow these rules:

Write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.
Link to the original post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme. (http://www.thethinkingblog.com/2007/02/thinking-blogger-awards_11.html)
Optional: Proudly display your 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn't fit your blog).

One Deep Breath - "Short & Sweet" One Line Poetry

My one line poetry was inspired by an unexpected snow fall. This photo is from this morning :(

Spring blossoms cut down in winter's last hurrah.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Translucent pearls adorning morning petals.

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Fallen Daffodils will awaken the thaw.

Self Portrait Challenge - "Online Tools" Mosaic

This is thousands of tiny pictures that have been put together to create my photo. If you click on it you may be able to see the tiny images, if not, I screwed it up. You get the gist :)

Mosaic generator can be found here http://imagemosaicgenerator.click42.com/?
See more SPC shots here http://selfportraitchallenge.net/

Sunday Scribbling - "In the Kitchen"

This is my beautiful kitchen that I had so much fun creating with Dave. I have never enjoyed cooking but I had always liked the feel of a cozy kitchen. My fondest memories as a child were not of great food and savory aromas, but of family congregating around the table talking. It's where Easter eggs were dyed and Christmas cookies were baked. It's the place where grandpa would come in from a hard days work and lift us up in the air to touch the ceiling. The coffee pot in those days was always on.

When I got older the kitchen became a place I dreaded. With two working parents my brother and I were to pitch in with the chores. My brother got to take out the garbage while I became salad chef, table setter, coffee maker and dishwasher. It was a sexist household and I quickly learned to dislike cooking and cleaning. I'll never forget the time the "Mr. Coffee" burst into flames right before the big recall. They sent a new one and I got disturbingly excited.

When I had my own kitchen as a young wife I realized I knew enough to create my own meals. I actually enjoyed cooking and started getting good at it. Having to become a working mom with an unhelpful husband stole that fleeting joy of cooking. My creative cooking moment turned into the basic meatloaf with mac and cheese. I was very happy work made the coffee.

When I retired with ALS I taught my girls the basics of cooking. It soon turned into their pain in the neck and eventually their job. They hated it because they had to do it, even before the big football game or a night out with friends. Then my Dave came into my life just as the youngest was ready to leave the nest. He was a confirmed bachelor that never enjoyed cooking but put his best foot forward and persevered. Between his recipes and mine we do just fine and he makes great coffee.

He built me my dream kitchen so I can embrace that part of the house again. We made it warm and cozy filled with the wonderful aroma of coffee. We created a french cafe with ceramic tile, tin back splash, anything that screamed coffee and cabinet lighting. I'll miss the wonderful bistro he made me when we move but we will keep the theme. Grandma and grandpa would have love it.

To read other scribbles go here

Music is a new artist "Kelly Sweet." Thanks Jimmy

Friday Catch Up!

This week has been very odd. The weather went from 75-80 degrees, to rainy/cold and back to 75 degrees. The daffodils and tulips burst from the ground only to be side swiped by a down pour. My two flowering pears are feeling naked as their flowers have been ripped from them blanketing the walk, like snow. This picture is from my backyard as the storm dissipates. The blooms are hesitating but there.

My sinus infection is still here and we are treating it now as a viral infection. Saline wash and steroid spray but no smell or taste yet :( I had a full pulmonary work up today and I was at 103% in 2000 and we are very happy that in 2007 I'm still at 103%. It's amazing!

TK is not walking but now running! Gramy must be very careful about walking around the house to avoid being ran up to and being toppled ;) My oldest daughter's husband is a five shot a day diabetic. Since moving here they share a 2005 3/4 ton truck to get them to work. He started a 3:30am to 11:30am physical job so she can then use it for her job. His body clock went nuts and he was in a car wreck from falling asleep with low blood sugar. He needed the jaws of life but received only a few stitches. The truck is totalled, no one else was hurt and medical insurance has not kicked in yet from new job. Big wake up call for them not to mention debt!

CREATE A CONNECTION
http://janasjourneys.blogspot.com/2007/03/getting-to-know-you-day-you-me-and.html
by Jana B

List 3 random facts about you, that we will be entertained by:

1. Nothing I use in my house has a lid or is screwed on tightly. It has created a few messes with company but most know to be very careful in my self- serve home ;)

2. When watching a movie I get very annoyed at people talking, guessing the end or narrating...grrr! Dave must tell me who did it before it's half way over. I'm buying duct tape!

3. When my legs get super hairy and they are spotted in winter. It's like the elephant in the room...gross. When they get exposed that person must rub them for luck. Poor Dave is a very lucky guy, but he laughs every time :)

List 2 things about you, that are important for us to know:
1. I'm a newbie in writing and poetry (14mos). Spelling and grammar are progressing.

2. I like being an open book and don't mind questions. Bring it on!

ME! My turn to ask questions!

Do you like board games? What are some favorites?
I do if I'm not playing with competitive people. I like Trivia and Cranium.

What are your non-artistic hobbies?
Movies, reading, camping and fishing

Do you collect anything?
No, unless you count family photos...love them! Not a fan of clutter.

And now, our Creativity:

What types of art do you enjoy creating the most?
Haiku, poetry,blogging and photography

Do you have a type of art that you've always wanted to try, but never done? What is it?
Painting and quilting, but that must remain on my "to do" list until there is a cure.

Poetry Thursday - "Image Inspiration"

This week we were asked to write a poem motivated by an image. I was getting a cup of coffee when I spotted this shot of us on the kitchen wall. It was taken at our rented house on Kauai watching the sunrise. The house was on the ocean so it was just us and our Kauai sunrise.

Kauai Sunrise

Every morning
the sun
would rise.
Lighting the sky

with sun rays
bursting through clouds
creating a path
at our feet

making us feel
it rose just for our pleasure
close enough to touch
as we watched the sun

paint the sky.
We had the best
seats in the house
watching the curtain rise

filling us with possibilities
of one more day.
How could we ever forget
that moment we became

a part of a sunrise.

To see other poems visit here

One Deep Breath - "Breath/Breathing" Haiga

I thought I'd try and do a Haiga using a plasticized lung as art. I've been doing a lot of haiku lately so I thought I'd try a different twist ;)

You always find three elements in haiga: an ink-brush or watercolor painting, a poem or poems, and calligraphy. The form is characterized by a fresh and spontaneous rendering of ordinary, everyday life--very much in the haiku spirit--as well as by simple subjects, loose and fluid brushstrokes, and plenty of white space. It is usually very sketch-like with spare images expressed with just a few lines, little detail, and one or two colors for added visual interest.

I fudged on the art but I've covered the rest, I think.

To see other haiku visit here

Photo from StockXpert and Picture It by Microsoft.

Self Portrait Challenge - "Online Tools"

I have created my own version of currency. When you are loved you are a wealthy person and the rest is just icing on the cake. This was done in "Microsoft Picture it" and it just happened. I loved it! I have already done next week with the cool online tools offered at SPC.

Check out some cool toys here

Sunday Scribbling - "Inspiration" Haiku Series

I have decided to write haiku for my favorite inspirations

Snow capped peaks

misty reflection

lake lies still

Kisses slathered

open mouth

baby's love

Pink to lavender

horizon turns to fire

sun lowers it's head

Sun rises slowly

whispering new beginnings

singing spirits rise

By the grace of God

blessings come on wings of faith

I breath his spirit

Loving glances

entwined

eternal souls

A warriors spirit

draws on her mighty sword

raised in victory

Creativity

awakens hidden meanings

sowing seeds of growth

To read other scribbles go here

Photo from StockXpert

Happy St. Patty's Day!

I have taken my last steroid pill but must continue a full month of antibiotics. I'm still not able to smell or taste but they will come back in time. Dave and Lynne have taken great care of me and the kids have kept me from being bored. TK has been really into kisses lately so it melted my heart making the nausea tolerable.

Star at The Friendliest Flower had this fun DNA toy that I had to try. I'm easing my way back. Thank you for all the well wishes :)

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

One Deep Breath - Stillness/Calm/Haiku

Just before I sleep

darkness cradles my mind

whispered prayers released

Just before sunrise

birds singing to peaking sun

moist air fills senses

Quiet stills my mind

sleeping dog curled up at feet

book and tea at hand

To enjoy other visit ODB here

Photo StockXpert

Self Portrait Challenge- "Online Tools"

This is how I spent my first spring weekend. My sinus infection combined with powerful steroids and antibiotics kept me in bed. All plans were cancelled except my grandson stopping by. He had been playing at the football field with his dad and uncle and smelled like a sweaty little boy who had rolled in freshly mowed grass. He walks every where but won't let go and walk on his own, yet he can say hello and I love you when holding a phone. I'm thinking he will talk before he ever walks. He cuddled up to me and passed out from his big day out of his winter cave.

I call this SPC "Spring Nap." I used my online tools to shower us in spring flowers giving the photo a tapestry effect. Yes, those are my rubber duck flannel PJ's. lol My nausea won't let me on the computer for long so I might be slow in getting to see how every one's weekend went. I can't believe how bored I was not being able to enjoy this 72 degree weather, crack a book or even blog. I could not even taste Dave's first BBQ of the season :( I'm finished whining...sorry! lol

She's Full of It!

I'm not one to complain, but how in the heck do you end up in a CT scan with a massive sinus infection and be shocked? The last 8 months I've had what I thought was worse than regular allergies with a loss of smell and taste, off and on. Not unusual with a stuffy nose, right? ALS comes with fatigue, but no fever, no sore teeth, clear mucus and no headache. My bad! Now I'm on antibiotics and a steroid which I'm very sensitive to and my weekend is full. My cold last week brought it to a head and now I will be nauseous for a month. Don't be a Tammy, see a doctor!

I've got a 50th birthday party on Saturday and girlfriends coming out for the day Sunday. I will be AWOL from my computer this weekend. Wish me luck! I'll be baaack with my smell and taste!

Poetry Thursday - "Red"

For Rel ;)


Picnic, Lightning

It is possible to be struck by a
meteor or a single-engine plane while
reading in a chair at home. Pedestrians
are flattened by safes falling from
rooftops mostly within the panels of
the comics, but still, we know it is
possible, as well as the flash of
summer lightning, the thermos toppling
over, spilling out on the grass.
And we know the message can be
delivered from within. The heart, no
valentine, decides to quit after
lunch, the power shut off like a
switch, or a tiny dark ship is
unmoored into the flow of the body's
rivers, the brain a monastery,
defenseless on the shore. This is
what I think about when I shovel
compost into a wheelbarrow, and when
I fill the long flower boxes, then
press into rows the limp roots of red
impatiens -- the instant hand of Death
always ready to burst forth from the
sleeve of his voluminous cloak. Then
the soil is full of marvels, bits of
leaf like flakes off a fresco,
red-brown pine needles, a beetle quick
to burrow back under the loam. Then
the wheelbarrow is a wilder blue, the
clouds a brighter white, and all I
hear is the rasp of the steel edge
against a round stone, the small
plants singing with lifted faces, and
the click of the sundial as one hour
sweeps into the next.

by Billy Collins

To see other "red" poems visit here

Self Portrait Challenge- "Online Tools"

This month we are to use online tools to enhance our images. They gave us really cool tool suggestions but none I could operate on my computer except Flickr stuff. This is hockney-izer showing the many facets of Tammy. Maybe I can be more creative with photoshop but open to suggestions on the secret of working these online tools.

To see more creative tools visit http://selfportraitchallenge.net/ and since changing over to beta my linking abilities have gone to blogger heaven. How do you link...anyone!

One Deep Breath - "Mud" Haiku/fib

Helen of the Yellow Rose has been a participant of One Deep Breath for awhile now. Her ALS has progressed to the point of needing a feeding tube, losing her voice and struggling to be able to type. One Deep Breath has kept her connected to a community. She has recently been moved to another state and removed from her home due to her progression. She had to leave her church family, two of her children and most hurtful, her grandchildren. She will continue to fight but the fear of the unknown brings with it emotional times. I wanted to let her know that even if she can not comment she will remain in our blogging community and thoughts. I will continue to help her participate. The theme this week is mud and that is exactly where Helen is right now, feeling stuck. I'm there to pull you up dear friend.

Scared
lost
alone
getting by
helplessly watching
reaching out from mud that binds


Communication
frustrating to relay needs
words stuck like in mud

To read other poets visit One Deep Breath

Sunday Scribbling - "Superstitions"

I'm not a big believer in superstitions but I do believe there are signs everywhere if you pay attention. I think we make our own luck with the choices we make in our lives.

On my wedding day we had a native Hawaiian singer serenading us on the beach. After our vows the singer pointed behind us saying "look, a double rainbow, this is a sign of good luck." We looked at it as a blessing on a very important day. Another couple in full wedding attire had left earlier due to a slight shower but I'm sure their day was just as wonderful.

I see signs in nature. Like a sunrise reminds me of a new beginning, the rain is cleansing and blooms speak to me of growth. If I was superstitious my mother's back would have been shattered into pieces with all the cracks I've stepped on.



I found a few superstitions I had never heard of so I thought I'd share a few.

Animals can talk at midnight on Christmas Eve
To cure a sty, rub it with a gold wedding band
An acorn at the window can keep lightning out of the house
It is unlucky to rock an empty rocking chair
Smell dandelions, wet the bed
Wearing an opal when it is not your birthstone is bad luck
A sailor wearing an earring cannot drown
After receiving a container of food, the container should never be returned empty
Tying a knot into a handkerchief wards off evil.
The spouse who goes to sleep first on the wedding day will be the first to die.

To see other scribbles visit Sunday Scribblings

Photo from StockXpert

Friday Favorites

This is a digital art piece done by my friend Pam. She took our latest backyard snow fall and combined it with my B&W SPC . It's amazing to me how the two images reflect my trepidation in leaving my first home. She is an amazing artist, writer and friend. We share every aspect of our lives, almost on a daily basis and have a bond so strong it surprises even us. We are family! Pam and I will probably never meet because we live on opposite ends of the country, but I'm so grateful for the Internet in connecting us. I do pray that one day I can hug her in person, but we both share in the battle against ALS making it harder with time. We understand how it feels to have ALS like no one else can, even our families. We share similar history and speak the same language. Pam can no longer use her pastels and pencils, but she has kept her passion for the environment through digital art and writing. I am so proud to have this mighty warrior as my friend. I love you, Spike.
http://capeandtights.blogspot.com/index.html

For Photo Thursday we were asked to take a picture of something we treasure in our home for Create A Connection hosted by Swampgirl. I chose this picture of Nikki trying to find a place to pee so she can return home.